Gonna be a short one tonight, guise. I’m tired and my eyes are blurry.
I went shopping today. I bought a new spring outfit: Pink plaid boxers and a white tee with a purple flower on the side. I also bought a mint green sleep shirt, some MAC Lipstick (Pink Plaid) and Lipglass (Rihanna) and some MAC face wipes to get my make up off at the end of the day. I didn’t even spend $200. I feel so proud of myself. Before the week is up, I’m going back to get two pink shirts that I saw and liked. I seriously need to lay off the make up. I bought $400 worth of foundation the other day simply because I didn’t know what one to buy. There were so many good recommendations and so many that I wanted to try. I bought huge bags full of bottles, jars and compacts of foundation. I feel kind of foolish buying all of that, but I really needed some.
I have a meeting with the University next week to get on the school medical insurance. Once I’m on that, I’ll be set for the summer. No more worrying about where my next medical bill payment is going to come from. Contrary to popular belief, I think that buying make up, craft items, wine, recreational paraphernalia and clothes is a better way to spend my money than on x-rays, MRI’s and hospital stays. Such is life, though. You can’t always spend money on what you want. My dad says that’s a huge lesson for me to learn, in growing up. I still don’t like it.
Chloe is doing much better in school now that she knows that her teachers don’t hate her parents. Is that love or what? She defended us against her teachers, based on what she thought was the right thing to do! I’m really proud of her for following her gut instinct and standing up for her parents. I told her that she should always defend her family, and always be on their side, even if she knows they’re wrong. There’s no shame in being wrong and you can’t be wrong if you’re defending someone you deeply love.
I’m tired and lethargic tonight. I want to try on my new Lipstick and Lipglass, but I’m just so sleepy. I’ll have to do it tomorrow. Maybe then I can play around with it better.
Smile! Life is good!
Today I am thankful for never ending credit card credit!
I need a good foundation. I need something I can throw on in the morning and go. Not something I have to screw with all damned day. I’m looking into many foundations and it’s not like picking out a good fragrance. I have to match skin tone, texture, and blendability. Is that even a word, blendability? It is now!
As of today, I have filled up my third makeup bag with MAC lipsticks, Lipglasses, and other MAC products. Dennis says that I have too much makeup, and that just four years ago, I wasn’t like that. Of course. But since my skin has gotten progressively worse from cancer treatments, I need something to hide the ugliness that the treatments are leaving behind. My doctor says that some day my skin will clear up, but that day has yet to come. I look forward to the day that I no longer need makeup to make myself presentable and then I can show my real face personally. But until then, I need a decent foundation. Have I already said that? I also need a decent, non-cakey, powder foundation, if at all possible. I really just want to be able to look good without worry.
I’m glad to have the weekend off. Dennis and I went out for a little while tonight. We went back to Brookside, and ate out. I wore my retro dress, and my jelly shoes by Crocs. The night was the perfect temperature, and I felt so comfortable there with him. I felt safe, too. I dream these bad dreams of him getting into trouble and us getting killed, most nights, but tonight felt like one of the good dreams. Ones where we’re in the middle of a deserted forrest, where just the moon and stars up above are moving, as they shine down upon us. With a gentle rustling of the grass and trees as a calming wind rushes through. That’s how peaceful I was tonight. I wore my Honey fragrance, and the scent of honeysuckle will always remind me of the peace that I felt tonight. I live for these nights. There’s no hurrying, no emails, no kids, no insulin, no needles, just us, two souls who were made for one another.
I want us to have nights like this forever. I wish they would never end. But soon it will be too hot to go out at night, and then too cold. I know this. I know that we’ve got limited time, that’s why I cherish this time of the year. I can go out and just feel at ease with the one I love. After the walk down the boardwalk, we came home and took a hot bath with rose scented soap. It was so peaceful and relaxing, I almost fell asleep in the bath. I felts so happy.
Now I’m just waiting for bed time, so I can climb into the warm bed, smelling of honeysuckle and roses and dream of how happy I can be, while wrapped in Dennis’s arms.
I wish life could be like this always.
I’ve been incredibly busy this week. Dennis had a birthday yesterday, and so did Zinnia. We celebrated at a restaurant on Brookside. I got a new favourite picture of the girls there. Then we came home and Zinnia opened her presents. I put up pictures on my other site that I am slowly merging onto. I tried to stay away from the camera, but I think there are quite a few there that I was in. Oh well. Speaking of the new site, I added a photo gallery on there, with pictures of me on it. I know that I rarely do anything like that, but I thought it was time.
I’m also working on the final exam for the University. We have to get that turned in before May First. I never thought I would be glad that I am finishing up my semester, especially since I may not be coming back in the fall. We’ll have to see where I am, physically, and then go from there. I feel great, though. I don’t feel like I am sick or dying, even though my doctor says that I am seriously sick.
I spent the last couple of nights watching the sun set with Dennis. We’re skipping tonight because he has some writing to do, and I wanted some “me” time. Part of that “me” time was supposed to be spent working on the final exam, but I am so relaxed and I wanted to just lay down and nap.
Chloe and I are going to decorate my journal with stickers that I bought a week ago. They came in on Monday. Tons of stickers. I really love ordering stickers from that place and putting them in my journals. They make the pages come alive. I also love Moo’s round stickers. I have stickers of all my friends stuck on my computer, in my journals on their birthdays, anniversaries, or just because, and it really makes me happy. Weird little hobby that I have.
Another addiction/hobby that I have is collecting MAC Lipsticks. I’ve spent about $1,200 on MAC Lipsticks alone. With 80+ shades, I have quite the collection. I have three makeup bags full of MAC Lipsticks. That’s not even counting the Lipglassees that I have. I tried to match them with the Lipsticks that I have, but I just couldn’t get all the colours that I wanted. Plus, mixing them up is a good thing, right?
It got well into the 80′s today. And it’s only April! I really hate the heat. I’ve got the air conditioner going full blast. Ahhhh…Recycled air! But it makes for great sun sets and the stars look amazing this time of year. Maybe they look amazing all year long. I’m going out to gaze upon them again tonight, if my neck isn’t too stiff and hurting. I wake up with my neck hurting all the time. I think I need a new pillow.
Smile! This world is a beautiful place!
Today I am thankful for soft, fluffy pillows!
Chloe saved up her allowance and bought me a Build-A-Bear tye-dye bear.
She named the bear “Hope”. I think this was a sweet thing to do. We really taught Chloe compassion and empathy and love. I couldn’t ask for a better kid.
I first want to start out by saying I’m sorry that my site was down yesterday. I don’t know what happened since my hosts never emailed me back. I really wanted to write last night. So much more goodies were bought. I got two new pairs of jeans that actually fit me. I’ve lost another twenty pounds and now I weigh 122 lbs. All of my clothes were too big, so I had to buy some smaller jeans. I also picked up Chloe’s Easter basket while I was out:
And I put all of my MAC run offs into a MAC Liberty of London bag:
Aside from the stickers and a couple of tubes of lipstick by MAC, I’m done shopping for a while. I’m out of money and I want to work long enough to get that $1000 monthly bonus. Yes, I’m back to sticking to the University for now. I just can’t make up my mind! I want to stay at the University, and there’s no reason why I can’t. I can say that I’ve had fun shopping these past few days. I really think that retail therapy is the best therapy for me. I’ve been happy and hardly had a bad thought at all this past week.
Aside from that, I haven’t been feeling well. I relapsed and I’m sleepy and tired all of a sudden. I’ve had too many pills, too much insulin. My vision is blurred, I’m dizzy and tired as fuck. I just want to sleep forever. I can barely see to write this entry. That’s how bad I am.
Things in general are looking up. The meeting at Chloe’s school was a success. Her teachers don’t really think anything bad about Dennis or his line of work; it’s not illegal and it pays their bills, so they can’t protest too much. Chloe was encouraged to talk to her teachers privately if she thinks there is a problem. It’s a part of growing up. I’m glad that she agreed to do this. I have faith that my little girl would do this. The University has offered me a $1000 bonus per month that I work without missing a day. I really want this, and it would really help us out a lot, so I am going to take it.
I saved the best part for last.
I have acquired Roxanna’s old domain and I’m in the process of putting her old content back up. I’m uploading plugins and themes in the WordPress installation I put on there yesterday when I acquired the domain. I am excited to be doing this. Roxanna and I had our extreme differences and she trashed a lot of my gay friends, but we were still friends, even if it was complicated at times. I can’t say she would have done the same thing for me, had I been the one who died first, but I am doing this because I loved her. No matter how many times she came on to Dennis or hit me up for pictures of myself to give to my stalker (in the beginning). I really think she loved me back. And that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
~Have a nice night. The stars are shining bright.~
Yesterday I forgot to add my case and set of Fabulousness. I got the pink one. I know this is real since the lipstick has the sweet vanilla-y smell that all MAC lip products have.
Sorry for such a short post. I’m not feeling well tonight and I think I should call it a night early.
Smile! April Showers mean May Flowers!
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