Summer Solstice is upon us. This Friday, to be exact. I hate the heat, but I’m happy that warmer weather is headed this way. There are so many things that I am really looking forward to this summer. Fire flies, jar flies singing, halter tops, starry nights, and later nights out. I’m looking forward to seeing flowers come fully out, and summer coming together.
We celebrate the fall harvest, but not the summer sowing, I don’t understand that.
Tomorrow I’m going to be getting my doctor appointments in order. Everything is out of order here. Zinnia is sick, Chloe is complaining about lethargy, the boys are racing around the house, and I feel as though my head is spinning. Where’s Dennis? Off with his friends and bothers having fun. I with I could have some fun. It’s not fun caring for two sick kids and two rambunctious kids that are feeling well and don’t care if their sisters are sick, they want to have fun, run fast, and be as loud as possible. I’m the only one taking care of any of them. I’m thinking of getting my father in law in the baby sitting.
Now I’m exhaustive, do tired. I think I’ll just say to hell with it all and go to bed.
I’m trying to put together a photo album of pictures of Chloe for my mother. The problem is her school pictures aren’t in from last year, her yearbook is not it, I have to wait two months before I can get anything done. Of course my mother wants her picture book yesterday.
I’m still super sleepy. I dared venture out to the post office today. It’s within walking distance, and there was a package for me at the post office, but when the clerk checked, there was nothing there! I hope it wasn’t those stupid magazines that I never ordered to start with. Oh well. If it was something for my birthday, I’ve already gotten all that I could ever want.
I wish I felt better. I wish that I could have gotten this photo album done today, but I still have pictures that need to be printed, and I couldn’t make the trip to get any of the pictures printed out and then slipped them into a book. I wish I could blame this on laziness, but I just couldn’t force myself to go around and gather up what I needed to finish the project.
I don’t know what I’m talking about anyway. My mother dislikes Chloe more than any adult should dislike a child.
We lost power three hours ago. It could be another three hours before we get out power back on. It’s hot and muggy outside, but there wasn’t much choice when it comes to opening the windows or roast with them closed. Thank God we have screens; Mosquitos are trying their damnedest to get in for a meal.
I tried to stay awake through my entire sleepiness episode, but I accomplished nothing. I couldn’t take notes, but at least I didn’t lose my memory in trying to stay awake. One thing that was interesting is that I had random numbness and weakness from the neck down. Strange, and at the time scary as hell! I wish my (asshole!) doctor would see me. He temporarily banned me because I owed him $20 and I didn’t have the cash on me Tuesday. The University has offered to give me a $600 per-paid Visa to help on my bill, from what i owed before i got insurance, if only my doctor will accept it. There’s no reason why he should not accept it, other than being an asshole.
Going to sleep some more. I just can’t get enough.
I’m severely tired again. Back to where I can’t get enough sleep. I don’t understand why I am so tired that I just want to sleep for days and days. Any ideas?
No stars for me tonight. We’re getting rain and cloudiness for the entire week, and as long as it keeps the heat down, I’m all for it! I can’t stand the super heat.
To I am going to give Dennis a little early Father’s Day present from me. 
The kids want to make the cake tonight, so if I can stay awake for longer than fifteen minutes at a time, I would love to bake a cake. Maybe that will get my mind off of things, get my mind on other things. Later on tonight, Dennis and I are going to another Couples’ Club party. I really like these parties.
For the first time in years, I got to go to the water park! I never thought I would be able to go just for me, you know? No kids, no other family members, just Dennis and I, gliding over the calm, sparkling water of the Lazy River circle pool, to riding the wild waves of the Ocean Motion wave pool. I even down a huge slide! We had a blast, just the both of us, for my birthday. That may be why I’m so tired today. I know it’s why all my muscles are sore. So sore that I had to pop a tizanidine when I first woke up this morning. By some miracle, AKA sun screen and sun block, I didn’t get burned out there in the warm sun. I sure hated to leave, after spending three hours having so much fun. Coming home, I took a bath and collapsed into the bed. No cake and ice cream, didn’t even open my presents or upload the water park pictures to Flickr, I was just so tired.
So today I get to open my presents, have some cake and ice cream, and have Happy Birthday sung to me. It’s like my birthday is such a big event, it lasts two days!
I think the best present I got was Billy had officially left me alone for six months now. Six whole months of me not having to turn down his advancements. Ahh, peace is wonderful!
Have a fun and safe weekend! Smile! I insist!
Happy birthday to me.
A Scare
I had a scare earlier today. I’m fine now, except some light headedness. My inhaler fell down behind the bed. I wasn’t too worried about it because I hadn’t needed it in days. But driving home, I was suffocating. I felt like I couldn’t get any breath of air, that my lungs weren’t expanding enough and I was going to suffocate. Suffocation is a horrible way to die. Kind of put it in my mind that I want to die peacefully in my sleep, not pulled over on a freeway, gasping for air, all alone, my inhaler ten miles away, and no one knowing where I was going. All that fear coursing through me.
Somehow I got home and to my emergency inhaler. Afterwards I had horrible shakes, fever, light headedness, which I still have that last one. Despite taking a cool bath, and turning the air on full blast, I’m sweating.
Why can’t I just be well?
Downhill Slide
I’ve been on a semi-hiatus because I’m having trouble with sleep. I have to sleep after being awake for just an hour at a time. During this hour, I usually take a bath, brush my teeth, or write in my Paper Project book, feed the dogs and then pass out again. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I wish I did. I’m going to the doctor on Tuesday, so I can ask while I’m there. Not that I have a lot of faith in my doctor, or anything.
Yesterday I picked up my dad’s Father’s Day gift — a portable chair in blue. I also picked up another bottle from the DKNY Pure collection and two bottles from the Field of Flowers collection. I have yet to use any of those Field of Flowers soap. Maybe I should start?
I know I can’t wash my hair. I can’t reach my head and then I can’t lather my hair once I can get my hands up there. Dennis has been washing my hair a couple of times a week. For the first time in a long time I have been able to appreciate all that he has done around the house, and I feel sad that I tore his band apart. How many other women force their husbands to quit their jobs, give up their liveliness? Maybe it’s time he and I talked this over.
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