In The End

Why do we do what we do? Why does it take so much out of us when we willingly do bad things to ourselves? Why do we feel this dread and sickness when we willingly do something to ourselves that leaves lasting impressions? Why do we stay in situations where we know nothing good could possibly come from them, yet we don’t leave? I see it as a sign of weakness. Weakness that I’m guilty of. I am in a loveless marriage, but I stay. I stay and I worry about it getting worse. So far I feel that I am lucky in my situation. I have yet to be physically abused. Not by the one I love anyway.

I want to make this all right. I want to make things that were said go away. I want to be told that I’m loved again. Is it so wrong to want love? Is it so wrong to believe someone when they say they love you dearly? I stay because I have hope for the future. I hope that some day things will be better and I’ll be loved again. I stay because I’m tired of running when things get bad. I stay because I have hope that we’re just at a rough patch. I stay because it could be worse. I stay because I don’t want another Past to come back and haunt me for years on end. Finally, I stay because I love him and I don’t want to have to deny that my feelings are worthless.

“I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter” ~ Linkin Park

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