Christmas Time Is Here

I had a nice video taken in late November of the traditional Christmas time festivals. We started the holidays early this year, probably to get them over with. You can’t hurry time. You can turn the hands of a clock forward, but the actual flow of time stays the same. A month is still a month. A week is still a week. If we put up our Christmas tree in April, it wouldn’t make Christmas get over any sooner.

I decided I don’t like Christmas anymore. I keep thinking about all the mistakes I made last year, all the people who told me what a fuck up I was/am. Looking back at what happened, I don’t think there was a right thing to do. There was just things to do. That doesn’t make a lot of sense, but there’s no more to say. I don’t know what to say, really. Normally, when I look back at things that happened a year ago, I think, “Oh, you dumb ass! Look at what went wrong! Why didn’t you do [this]??” With this I can’t see a right way to turn. I’ve pondered over these things for a year now. I’ve let them cloud my mind. I’ve let them haunt me. I’ve let them overwhelm my daily thoughts.

It’s Christmas time. I didn’t even RSVP a friend’s party invitation. I didn’t get out the old Christmas songs CD. I didn’t want to put the tree up because someone put a blind twinkle light on the light strand and it made my husband go into convulsions when the strand warmed up. I wasn’t in the mood for Christmas. I needed more time before it happened. That’s the funny thing about the seasons and time in general. Ready or not, here it comes.

For the one or two people who do read this, happy Christmas. May all your wishes come true, and you feel that peace on Earth that Christmas was originally about.

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