Coming Out of My Shell

I used to be a great writer. That was before I cared what people thought of my writing. I was writing just for me, and no one else mattered. This was probably around 2001. Then I discovered there were people reading my blog when I got that first email one day. Someone asked what the hell was wrong with me, what I was doing? After that, I took a step back and looked at my blog. Was it really that good? So what if someone, one person, was reading what was mine, and they didn’t like it? I’d never logged hits, but I felt like I should after that. That’s where the hit tracker comes in. With hit trackers, the discovery of proxies, and the idea that some people didn’t want me knowing they were visiting my blog anymore. Deception reared its ugly head and then the whole mess came crashing down in a mass of assumptions, lies, threats and various other nasties that, up until that week, had never came into contact with me online. Overall, it had been a positive experience, but as positive experiences go, there were some bad times.

My writing has struggled since that day, seven years ago. I used to write without restrictions or worry about what other people thought. I know the unspoken rule with websites and having a presence online. People will judge what you put out there. I just wish it didn’t affect me so much. I wish that they’d judge me in a fair manner, and not say everything I write or post is “horrible” because it’s mine. Their words come out every time I go for a new design or when I try to be honest with myself online. I’m told, no matter what, that I am a fuck up. I’m told that I’m wrong or that a layout sucks. I don’t think it sucks, but whatever.

Today was a drag. I had laundry to do, and sleep to catch up on. I wore my last clean shirt and pair of socks today, and tonight I’ll wear my last clean night shirt. It was a little mandatory to get to the laundry and wash some things. Or go nekkid. I’d prefer the latter, but until I’m nominated and elected President, we have to wear clothes. =p

I had a good time with some friends at the Olive Garden yesterday, then shopping at Bath and Body Works. I’m so addicted to that place! I could buy thousands of dollars worth of Warm Vanilla Sugar lotions and creams. It’s just that good! I originally went to eat out with my nephew before his kidney surgery, but I ended up spending a lot more than I had planned on, including buying my daughter a new outfit for her 9th birthday coming up in sixteen days. She’s so excited about turning nine. She says it’s a big number. Almost double digits. Wait till her 99th birthday. =)

Comments RSS Both comments and pings are currently closed.