During his “shift” to carry the 5 galleons of water to the bath tub, Dennis decided that it was too much hard work, grabbed a kitchen knife, sliced the hose in pieces, made a new drain tube for the bed, and we both stood there in the bathroom, beside the tub, looking at the phallic-shaped hose. “YOU suck it,” he said and handed it to me. “No, YOU suck it,” I replied and handed it back.
“YOU broke it.”
“YOU wanted it.”
“YOU suck it.”
Dennis’ dad’s voice shouted at us from the other room: “Don’t make me come in there and suck it!!”
*awkward silence*
“Does he know what happened?” I asked.
“No,” Dennis replied.
“I’ll suck it,” I volunteered.
“Ok,” Dennis said, and hurried out of the bathroom.
It took a few minutes to get the flow going, and giving oral sex to a green, muddy garden hose at four in the morning was kind of bad, especially since I was on all fours in front of the bath tub and the dog was trying to hump me, but I got a nice flow going. I think I swallowed some of that nasty, warm, salty, moldy water. But it was a little worth it; the towel on the floor is soaked through, and this method is draining the bed a hundred times faster. Yes, it was like giving head to the Jolly Green Giant.
Pictures in the morning. I promise.
Where’s Dennis while I monitor this drainage? Asleep next to his dad, in his dad’s bed. The perfect way to end the night.
PS: You can still laugh about this. I need to go elevate my foot before I die of snake venom infection.