I Don't Have To Wait
A box was waiting for us on the porch when I got up this morning. It was address to Jess. How strange is it to be receiving someone’s mail nearly a year after they died? It was The Sims 3, and while I’d love to play/have this game, it’s not mine, and I have already got it given away, when we return home on the fifth. Jess asked that his things go to his friends who had less than him, and I’ve already promised his Sims 3 game and old iBook with a hacked, no-CD required Sims 2 on it. However, I have all of his Sims 2 DVDs, if anyone is interested in them. I also have his library of nursing school books and optional reading if anyone is interested.
It’s beautiful:
You get stickers, cards, and lots of other goodies inside:
For the longest time, I didn’t know what this really was:
Oh shit! I broke it!
Wait, it’s one of those drive thingys!
In other news: The funeral is tomorrow and we’re leaving on the fifth. My hosting expires in less than a week, so I guess my sites will die after this week. Thank you for all the well-wishes and love over the past few weeks. It was greatly appreciated. I think I’m cried out. I cried every single night for the past couple of weeks. I have questioned myself, my husband, my existence, god, the world, and I’ve come the the same conclusion: I am still drifting, eternally. I will never be ok with what happened. I will never forget the things told to me these past few weeks. I will never be the same.
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I have been reading your blog off and on for a little while now and first of all, I want to just offer my sympathy. I have no words. There are no right words at all. I don’t know a whole lot about you but it’s obvious your life has just been turned upside down and you are feeling it. I get so stressed out with life too. Some things that have made me crazy in the past few years I have such a difficult time not questioning God and my entire existence as well. It seems some families just get the worst of it and others get through life, smooth sailing. It seems so unfair. I haven’t experienced what you have. But I have had some pretty bad things happen. I somehow make it through. I somehow get up again and do what I have to do. I think I am programmed to stress though. It’s like in my genes. Regardless, I just wanted to say sorry to you…and know that there are people in this world that have read and felt your pain. For some odd reason a scene from Sleepless in Seattle popped into my head. When the boy calls the radio station after his mom died and they asked the dad (tom hanks) what he did or how he moved on. This stuck with me: “Well, I’m gonna get out of bed every morning… breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won’t have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out… and, then after a while, I won’t have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.”
I don’t know. I will miss seeing your blog out here.
I visited you everyday hoping for updates. I am sorry for your loss (I know my words of sympathy is not enough). I couldn’t begin to imagine what you went through. I am hoping that in time you will find peace in your heart. Continue living with your life, and when you are ready again, I hope to see you blog some more. God bless you and your loved ones.