Among The Wildflowers
Pogo’s funeral was today. It was at 10am, but Dennis, Matt and I stayed until 3:11pm, long enough to stay for the complete burial. Matt and I sprinkled wildflower seeds over the fresh dirt. “She’ll be among the wildflowers now,” he said. The three of us started crying again. Ziggy wandered over to Jess’ grave, as if on cue, and laid down on her master’s unmarked grave. Jess once sang Wildflowers to Pogo shortly after her original diagnosis. He even recorded the song for her and later on I put it on her iPod.
Going back to my sister-in-law’s place, we stopped at a QuikTrip and bought these for Chloe while we were getting gas:
They’re candy tins:
When we got back to the in laws’ Chloe bolted out of the car, past Dennis and I, across the street in front of a moving mini van to pet a dog that was actually growling at her! I screamed and covered my face when she ran out into the street. The neighbors just stood there, gaping at the shitty parenting job they were witnessing, and Dennis just stood there. Matt was still in the car. Chloe has apologised dozens of times since then, even though I doubt she knows exactly what she’s apologising for. She knows mom is mad at her, and still is, but she really doesn’t know what she did wrong. She asked why it was bad. I tried to explain to her that what happened to her sister would happen to her if she ran out in the street.
Dennis and I bought some food today, and he pointed me to the car in the parking lot, and I was so absent-minded that I put the groceries in the car parked next to ours!
Right now, I want to go home. I want to lay in my own bed and just wallow in the thoughts that are swarming through my head. I don’t want to deal with people. Every time one of us talks to someone on the phone about what happened, another person calls up, wanting the details. I’ve told what happened over and over again, and it still seems unreal. I’m waiting to wake up and find my little girl playing with her MyTwinn dolls or making videos of her daddy and the dog. Sadly, the only dream I’ve ever woken up from that seemed real was the one with Seth MacFarlane, Costas Mandylor and a bottle of expensive wine. =\ Dennis and I are on so many anti-depressants that it’s completely taken over our lives. We just wait for the next time to pop a pill or eat a salad to prevent vomiting. I’ve lost over 20 lbs since May 20th. There’s always tomorrow, right? Pogo’s dancing among the wildflowers now. I should take comfort in that.
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