In thirty minutes (less than that, actually), it will be my birthday. I will be 29 years old, and all I have to show for it is a marriage that is falling apart, a daughter who has died, and parents who only call me when they want something in return. I know that I’m not supposed to be negative, but it’s really hard to see the silver lining when you’re blinded by tears.
There’s no cake on the table. No wrapped presents anywhere. Normally, my birthday is a huge celebration, one that I prepare people for for days in advance. This year, I fear, that I won’t even get a stale cake from the dollar store, or a simple card from my family. I am forgotten. They got what they wanted or needed from me, and that was it. There’s no need to celebrate my birthday. There’s no need to be happy for me. It’s just another day, huh?
Dennis and I are still fighting. Little snips here and there. Just five years ago, I was much happier. I tell myself that all the time. “Just [x-amount of time] ago, I was much happier!” I need to stop measuring my happiness in how the people whom surround me treat me and find a better class of people to surround myself with. But that’ll be the day, huh?
Pogo used to make me a card days in advance. She’s not here anymore. It takes a lot to realise just how final death truly is, and this year is no exception. This time it’s no exception. I often catch myself asking out loud, “Pogo, what are you doing?” to remember that she’s not here, and that’s why she’s so quiet. I secretly wish that she were sneaking through my things or getting into michief. I’m rambling now.
Carry on.
Jamie aka: The being known as Wonder Girl, 30, mother of four, wife to one, she is a senior biomedicine student who is learning to fit in in the world around her. After nearly three decades on this planet, she still doesn't know where she belongs. Best friend of Matt, sarcastic, spoiled, apathetic, kutie brat, babe. Just your average woman, living in a not-so-average world, surviving by her incredible super power of being able to see right through you while
accomplishing more tasks than you ever thought imaginable. She is the being known as Wonder Girl and she is speaking, I believe. More? Aren't you brave!
Hi Jamie,
I’m new to your blog and wanted to wish you a very Happy Birthday. Wishing you health, happiness and many Blessings. Hang in there and try to be the better person around your husband. I hope things gets better for you and your family. Take good care!
happy birthday to u.. hope u will have more bdays to come and peace of mind.. goodluck
Happy Birthday! Sorry to hear this isn’t a very good birthday with everything going on. Try to keep your head up! Things will surely get better.
Great big awesome birthday ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) for you! I turned 39 last month, and it was honestly pretty depressing for me too. My ex was/is trying to get custody of our daughter claiming I abuse her (I don’t, of course, he’s just being a jerk) and two weeks after my birthday was the first anniversary of my best friend’s death! So sorry to hear about your daughter, that must be so hard–I can’t imagine having to go through that myself. As for those better people to surround yourself with, go on out and find them! I know it’s easier said than done, I have trouble with that sort of thing myself. I’ve been wanting to get into the entertainment industry (theater, eventually maybe Broadway musicals) but I’m scared to do the auditions!