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Lost In Emotion


I cannot punish Chloe. I tried tonight, for tearing up some of Dennis’ papers. The papers were trash, but I don’t want her feeling that it’s ok to tear up paper lying on the floor. I didn’t hit her, but I said angrily to her that she was bad. She paced from one end of the bedroom to the other, starring down at the floor. I angrily told her to go to bed, then got out my night shirt and some clean undies to take a bath, and she laid down on the floor. While I was setting up the bathroom for my bath, Chloe came running into the bathroom, arms outstretched, begging me not to stop loving her. What…?
After that, I had to tell her that I loved her. I asked her if she was sorry and she wrapped her arms around my legs and hugged me tight. “Please don’t stop loving me! I-do anything for you to love me again!”
Talk about a guilt trip! Where did that baby learn this? Was she really worried that I didn’t love her any more? Are three-year olds really that developmentally advanced? I haven’t told Dennis what happened. I really don’t want to because he’ll accuse me of being to harsh in punishing her. On the other hand, if we talked about this, there’s the chance she’s done it with him and I’d probably feel a little better. Are three-year olds really that emotionally manipulated? She seems emotionally better now, so am I the one who is over-reacting?

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4 Comments »

  • Kelly (3 comments) said:

    Kids are black and white, good and bad, they don’t know an in between, so if they see you are angry with them and think they are bad, they equate that to not loving them. It’s sad, but it’s true. It’s not that they are developmentally advanced, but that they are not. They don’t see that you can be angry and still love someone. I’ve seen that happen in so many situations and it does not matter who the parent is or how they parent. Try not to feel too guilty, just try to remember in the future to tell her you love her but you don’t like what she is doing. Eventually she will understand that you love her no matter what, even when she is bad.
    Kelly

    - 29 June 2009 at 10:37 am
  • Sandi (17 comments) said:

    I can honestly say my 12 year old was just so eager to please and wanting to do the right thing. She never really got like that, but I was in for a wake up call with my second born who absolutely gets very emotional at even the slightest thing. If I have learned anything it’s that they are all different….they all have their own personalities. I went on to have a third daughter who is a combo of the first two. Not overly emotional, not under emotional and I have yet to figure out the 19 month old. So far, she seems kind of like she goes with the flow. We’ll see. :)

    - 29 June 2009 at 11:33 pm
  • Jenera (1 comments) said:

    I’ve had a couple moments like this with my three year old. I’ve lost my temper and it will totally and completely hurt his feelers. He’ll come up to me and say sorry and that he is a good boy. It’s been hard to have to try and explain that sometimes we get angry but we don’t stop loving each other. Having to think on a level of a three year old has helped me to understand my own emotions and how they appear to others.

    - 30 June 2009 at 11:41 pm
  • Mamaflo (5 comments) said:

    As a mother I’ll tell you that regardless of how old/young a child is that their emotions are very developed. We all want/need love regardless of our age or development and when we fear that could be removed from our life, we panic and most people will do whatever is necessary to keep that love flowing. Just continue to reassure her that you will always love her regardless of what she does, she has to learn the difference between doing something wrong and you getting upset with her vs. not loving her.

    - 1 July 2009 at 4:03 pm