Archive for June, 2009
My birthday is in one week from today. Buy me something. Or send me a card:
PO Box 1374
Sand Springs, OK 74063
I’ll love you forever. =0)
Everything About It Must GO!
In the decision to end my blog here, I’ve also come to the conclusion that I’m wasting some good materials that I have purchased or been given over the past couple of years. So, with that in mind, I have some WordPress themes that were given to me that I may/may not put up for grabs once the blog is over. Possibly I could just give them to people. Would anyone be interested in any of these?
These were all made for me, and as far as I know, they aren’t available to download from free theme sites.
The other thing is I’ve been buying a ton of commercial fonts these past few weeks, and I don’t want them anymore. I never actually used them. I don’t know if it’s against the law to give away commercial fonts and then delete them from your hard drive or not, if it is, I will just delete them, but here’s the list of fonts:
In The End…?
This may be my last blog post here, ever. Never fear. This domain isn’t going anywhere soon. I really can’t have several blogs and a journal going at the same time online. It’s too time consuming, too distracting, and I don’t know how to install WordPress on a new server. Yes, I’m getting a brand-new hosting account, and I doubt anyone would do it for me and I’m sure the new host won’t install it for me. They’re an advanced hosting company. I have trouble updating my plugins here. I can imagine how much trouble I’d have installing the program from scratch.
As a writer, I am going to save my entries here via the Export feature of WordPress. I want to transform them into a PDF maybe print them out this fall at the University, but they will no longer be online. I’ll more than likely burn them onto a CD and keep them on my shelf or in a box in the attic. This is expected to happen over the weekend. I’ll probably put my entries in plastic pages in a binder and keep it on a shelf for my daughter Chloe to read when she gets older. I’ve kept all of my journals from when I was a teenager, and I intend on passing them onto my children as well as encouraging them to write down their feelings and problems as a form of mild therapy. Blogging is a new form of therapy for me, and I feel that it was beneficial to me.
So what’s going to happen to the site?
This place may become my public photo gallery. Things I don’t post on Flickr. Anyone is welcome to my new site, coming this weekend. I can also send my PDF to anyone who wants it. Until then, I’m going to keep pimping out my blog here on EntreCard and get as many credits as possible to whore out my new site come Monday. Or Tuesday. Or whenever I get around to it. I love you all. <3
Someone left me a comment last night/this morning, asking about another blog that has mirrors of my posts from the last few days on it. I’m not exactly how to explain what’s been going on, but I’ll give it a whirl.
The domain in question is, in fact, mine (Proof).
I have been cross posting since last month some time for a few reasons. The Number One is the fact that my dad knows about the other site. He bought me the domain name when I was nineteen years old, and a friend of mine has hosted it ever since. Yes, that site will be a decade old this Christmas. The problem with that, is my dad knows where my blog is, and a few years back, he started some serious real-life drama with it. He printed out my entries and gave them to my mom, who still hen-pecks me about them to this day.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my dad. I even invited him to my daughter’s funeral because he took care of me when I was pregnant with her. He couldn’t attend because the university he works for started their summer session this week and he couldn’t get the day off. I cross-posted much stuff over the past few days. I posted there because my dad’s IPs hit that site a couple of times a day. I was hoping he’d take the hint with my hosting woes and buy me hosting somewhere. He never did.
I never linked the sites for fear my dad would Google (or do some kind of WhoIS search on my email address) it and find my blog here. I want to be able to publicly express myself without fear of my mom getting my entries. It’s just a small fear of mine. My parents are the type who are not married but they remain friends (possibly with benefits) and they talk when it benefits them. Other times they hate each other. Also, my dad bought the Mint counter on that site, so he probably has access to it.
The second reason: I don’t want to Write about what happened. I don’t like to dwell on it. I’ve cross posted to my journal as well because I don’t want to spend all day on the internet writing about a little girl, my little girl, dying of a terrible disease. I still feel responsible and I still feel as though I didn’t do as much for her as I could. As a parent, I feel like a failure.
Last: I’ve been pimping both my blogs on EntreCard because I want the credits to pimp the living hell outta my new site when/if I get it this weekend. I have nearly 45,000 credits built up for nearly a month of my friend and webhost telling me I cannot be hosted on his accounts anymore. I can’t get into why he feels like this, until I get my new site. I don’t think it’s fair to blog about him on his own accounts. I really want to stay friends with him and I fell that getting a new host would solve our relationship snags.
When I change hosts I’ll probably turn my other site into a collective or a picture gallery or something. I doubt that I’ll be doing anymore cross postings, even to my journal. Don’t worry about knowing my new URL. When I get it, I’ll change this URL to redirect there through the register.
No hard or snarky feelings to anyone. It’s my fault. I haven’t felt like writing for the longest time, and I let things drift. It’s one of my (many) character flaws. I can’t approve the comment because Google crawls my site regularly, and I don’t want my dad finding my blog here. So far, his IPs don’t show up here. I’d like to keep it that way.
Ow
It’s the results of my blood work today. Chicago nurses can’t seem to get a vein on the first stick. There are now six bruises on the bend of my arm. My poor median cubital.
We go home tomorrow. =(
It’s the results of my blood work today. Chicago nurses can’t seem to get a vein on the first stick. There are now six bruises on the bend of my arm. My poor median cubital.
We go home tomorrow. =(
Among The Wildflowers
Pogo’s funeral was today. It was at 10am, but Dennis, Matt and I stayed until 3:11pm, long enough to stay for the complete burial. Matt and I sprinkled wildflower seeds over the fresh dirt. “She’ll be among the wildflowers now,” he said. The three of us started crying again. Ziggy wandered over to Jess’ grave, as if on cue, and laid down on her master’s unmarked grave. Jess once sang Wildflowers to Pogo shortly after her original diagnosis. He even recorded the song for her and later on I put it on her iPod.
Going back to my sister-in-law’s place, we stopped at a QuikTrip and bought these for Chloe while we were getting gas:
They’re candy tins:
When we got back to the in laws’ Chloe bolted out of the car, past Dennis and I, across the street in front of a moving mini van to pet a dog that was actually growling at her! I screamed and covered my face when she ran out into the street. The neighbors just stood there, gaping at the shitty parenting job they were witnessing, and Dennis just stood there. Matt was still in the car. Chloe has apologised dozens of times since then, even though I doubt she knows exactly what she’s apologising for. She knows mom is mad at her, and still is, but she really doesn’t know what she did wrong. She asked why it was bad. I tried to explain to her that what happened to her sister would happen to her if she ran out in the street.
Dennis and I bought some food today, and he pointed me to the car in the parking lot, and I was so absent-minded that I put the groceries in the car parked next to ours!
Right now, I want to go home. I want to lay in my own bed and just wallow in the thoughts that are swarming through my head. I don’t want to deal with people. Every time one of us talks to someone on the phone about what happened, another person calls up, wanting the details. I’ve told what happened over and over again, and it still seems unreal. I’m waiting to wake up and find my little girl playing with her MyTwinn dolls or making videos of her daddy and the dog. Sadly, the only dream I’ve ever woken up from that seemed real was the one with Seth MacFarlane, Costas Mandylor and a bottle of expensive wine. =\ Dennis and I are on so many anti-depressants that it’s completely taken over our lives. We just wait for the next time to pop a pill or eat a salad to prevent vomiting. I’ve lost over 20 lbs since May 20th. There’s always tomorrow, right? Pogo’s dancing among the wildflowers now. I should take comfort in that.
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