Dance In The Wind

The sky was a sepia colour this morning. When I decided to get out of the bed. I can’t sleep. I don’t know why I can’t sleep for sure, but I feel it has something to do with my up and coming MRI. For those of you who were around last year, I didn’t do too well when I was shoved through that circle. I don’t know why I panicked. I’ve administered MRIs many times, ever since that first clinical in nursing school. I’ve assisted, done the entire MRI myself, and read the results to many physicians. But when I had to lay there on that cold table, with the IV of hot dye running through me, I panicked. I squeezed my eyes shut tight. I felt my blood pressure raise. I felt my heart rate go up. I heard a drum beating steadily in my ears. I think I had my first panic attack in that machine. The tech and the doctor were not very sympathetic towards me.
I wonder why my doctor wants another test? I wonder what he thinks is wrong? I know that deep down, something isn’t right with me, but I wish my doctor would be straight forward and just tell me.
I watched the storm outside for a few moments this morning. I couldn’t fall asleep. I tried. The lightening and thunder kept me awake. The thought of seeing a Western Rainbow again excited me, and that kept me awake. I watched the rain play with the leaves on the tree outside the window. They rhythmatically danced as random raindrops fell from the sky. I’m starting to feel sleepy now, though I have to stay awake. Ironic, isn’t it?

Comments RSS Both comments and pings are currently closed.