So Dennis is gone today. Business trip and all. You’d think I’d be happy with this, what with all the fighting that went on these past few days and his final comment that pushed me over the edge. But, on the way to the airport, we passed our crazy neighbor’s place–I mean this guy dances around in his underwear while waving his hands in the air, really hearing the music–and said neighbor was dancing around. He fell in a manhole in his yard. “Was there a man there a minute ago?” Dennis asked. I burst out laughing. That’s the old Dennis I want back so badly. The old Dennis that I feel is gone forever…
The comment caused many tears to be shed at the airport. For the next month or so, Dennis is going to be gone, filming, in Daytona Beach, FL, and I can’t go because I don’t play the game. AKA, I won’t lie to reporters. I didn’t lie to the reporter at our daughter’s funeral, and I feel the shit is going to hit the fan(s) in a few weeks. So my punishment is to not go to the surfing filming. I don’t get to see the ocean. I was informed of this on Friday, and it drove me to attempt. I’ve never done that before or since, and I know how foolish I was to do it then. Dennis and I said our tearful goodbyes at the airport, and I went home alone.
I wasn’t alone for long. Today I went out for coffee with my friend Matt. The beauty of having Dennis home was he was an instant baby sitter. I didn’t realise how limited I am with kids. I can’t come and go as I please, and I certainly can’t take them everywhere. I had to wait until my father-in-law got off work so I could go out and relax a little. Matt and I were sipping coffee when I said I remembered seeing a Dell computer on sale. Matt’s eyes widened. “Ohmigod, if you buy a Dell I am seriously never speaking to you again. Never!” I laughed. I needed that laugh.
A wasp was in the coffee shop. It landed on an empty table next to our’s. “Kill that,” I said to Matt and pointed at the wasp. “Ohmigod! A WASP!” he hid under the table. Brave man. I took off my shoe and hit the wasp catty-corner. I thought it fell down on the floor, injured. I grabbed a phone book and slammed it on the wasp’s body, then stood on it. “It’s dead! It was decapitated!” Matt said, crawling out from under the table. “Just ‘cuz its head’s off doesn’t mean it’s dead!” I replied. “What are you? Some kind of a psycho?” he asked. I had to smile at that, mostly because he wasn’t serious.
Coming home, I found my friend James waiting for me. We had a long talk, and he accompanied me to the grocery store with Chloe. While we were in checkout, the cashier commented that Chloe had James’ eyes. I never noticed that before, but she does. They resemble each other. Hmm..
In other news: I’m going to see Paul McCartney on August 17th. I hope Dennis is home by then because there’s nothing more I want then to go to the show with him. His colonoscopy is August 10th, two days after his last overseas show, so maybe he’ll be home to go to the concert with me. I want our marriage to work. I don’t want to go through a divorce, but I can’t live with wondering if I’m a danger to myself. Time will tell.