I’m still having that virus issue. I was going to clean out my bag when I came home, but I had to stop and do some more EntreCards. That site malfunctioned last night, and I lost all my drops and credits. Sucks. 
So far so good with school. Although I didn’t get to catch my bus. I’m just going to go ahead and drive to the parking lots that I need to go to. I was nearly late.
And now I must get dressed and get to my afternoon classes. I think I’ll pack some water and a small snack. I’m starving. :\
The Last Day of Summer
So tomorrow brings another semester of school. The senior year. Exciting, huh? After this, I will have to grow up, enter the real world and turn thirty. Oh… 
I have some not-so-good news. My notebook won’t be accompanying me to my first day of classes because it has a virus. Yes, there is a virus out there for the MacBook Pro. I discovered it Saturday afternoon, when the computer told me it was out of hard disk space. I checked and somehow huge files popped up all over the hard drive. I had to erase my entire hard drive and re-install OS X 10.5! Not only that, I discovered the virus was also attacking my TimeCapsule, so I had to disconnect that from the internet! What kind of a sicko makes a virus like that?
My MacBook Pro is deleting the files, and has been since yesterday. I am doing the “Secure Empty Trash” method to make sure I get every last ounce of the virus. There were over 600,000 files made and now it’s down to 400,000. It’s been running all night, and will continue to run tonight until every last file is gone. My poor computer.
Tomorrow Darren also starts school. A normal school. I don’t know what his teacher or his therapist were thinking when they said it was time for him to mingle with the other children. He has autism, so I don’t know how well he get along with other kids in class. He’s seven and going into the second grade. The therapist and teacher seem confident that he will fit in just fine, and if he’s not violent, he won’t be a problem. Um…I don’t know about that. He doesn’t talk. He’s trained to just get up and go to the bathroom if he needs to. He cries for no reason. He needs encouragement to eat. I don’t know if his behaviour can be altered at the this point, and I’m not so sure the school can do anything for him, either.
We’ll know tomorrow, huh? I’m charging my phone. Something tells me I’m gonna need it.
I want to go out.
The weather… il fait beau.
Alas, I am stuck inside, going through my bag for Monday, making sure that I have everything for the coming week, because I am going back to school. Yes, I’ve decided that I have to try to get my PhD. If I quit now, I’ll never know if it was something I could have done or not.
After I finish setting up my bag, I need to wash some dishes. That’s always something that I am accused of “never” doing if I skip a day. Or better yet–only doing once a year. I didn’t know years were now only two days long! Think of how old we all must really be!
I still have to clean out my laptop and get rid of it, and finish my planner. *sigh* a student’s work is never done.
Good News Soon
I have some good news, but I’m tired right now. I think I will just take a bath, wash my hair and get to bed. I promise to post good news in the morning, though.
Blissing Out
Let’s take a break from the depression to look at some happy pictures. Then fall back into the blissing out with the herbs and poppies I bought for ‘dinner’.
Another Sir Paul picture!!
That spooky, lonesome road.
At the top of the hill, you can see a panoramic of city lights all across the windshield.
I made it far, but I had to turn around and come home. Art Garfunkle was not pleased with me. Nor was his buddy:
I’ve known this for about an hour, but my request to keep my RN was denied at yesterday’s meeting.
I am no longer a nurse.
This directly affects my degree, as I need an RN to finish the PhD that I was working on. Aside the fact that being a nurse was my livelihood. It’s all I’ve pretty much known this entire decade.
I don’t know where I’m going to go now since the email I got on this was pretty vague. Maybe I just need another semester of good grades to get in. Maybe there was a misunderstanding. I hate not knowing. That is worse than knowing and being able to work out a plan because you can’t work out a plan for an invisible problem.
people around me are generally positive about this. “You’ll bounce back” “You’re a survivor” “You are strong”. Bullshit. I’m not one of these good people that bad things tend to happen to. I’m not a good person at all. I dislike many people. I have bad thoughts about many people. I wish I had the abilities to send them to cornfields like the kid in The Twilight Zone. I break the law. I don’t pay my bills on time. I feel like my family would be better off without me, not in a suicidal way, but if I just wasn’t a part of their lives anymore.
If I left home so they could have a better life without me dragging them down.
Maybe. Someday.
Of course there’s always the chance that I am jumping the gun here. There’s probably a door open for me somewhere. I just haven’t found it yet.
This has to be quick because I have to get to my meeting and I’ve done nothing to help myself.
In other words, all I managed to do was wake up early.
Last night, we went to the Paul McCartney concert. The pictures from that show suck. I can’t even resize them properly.
It’s rainy and dreary out. I wonder if that’s a sign?
My heart has been broken.
About twenty minutes ago, I was working on my presentation for tomorrow (yay for procrastination!) and I asked Matt if he would be at the meeting for moral support to me. He smiled and said he’d be there in spirit. When I asked what he meant, he said his plane left at 7am. My meeting is at 9am. He’s not going to be there. In fact, he’s going to be leaving here for the last few years of his degree. I feel like I’ve been dumped.
When and if I go back to University in one week, I will be going back alone.
People tell me that I am strong. That’s not right. I am nothing without my friends and the loved ones that encourage me on a daily basis. Without them I am nothing.
Matt told me he couldn’t help me with my presentation and I had to do this alone.
Alone.
He gave me a little hug, wished me well, and then left. For the first time in a long time, I felt alone. We haven’t talked about this. I volunteered to take him to the airport, but he said that wasn’t a good idea. We’ll talk tonight, he said. Oh. It’s over, isn’t it?
Maybe I need a semester off from University. Maybe I need to collect myself better. I am leaving my domain to Matt–he changed hosts on it without my permission while I was in the hospital, so it’s not even technically mine anymore. When I scrape together some cash, I’ll be transferring it to his registra.
Is it really over?
Jamie aka: The being known as Wonder Girl, 30, mother of four, wife to one, she is a senior biomedicine student who is learning to fit in in the world around her. After nearly three decades on this planet, she still doesn't know where she belongs. Best friend of Matt, sarcastic, spoiled, apathetic, kutie brat, babe. Just your average woman, living in a not-so-average world, surviving by her incredible super power of being able to see right through you while
accomplishing more tasks than you ever thought imaginable. She is the being known as Wonder Girl and she is speaking, I believe. More? Aren't you brave!
