I was plagued with back pain last night. It started slow and worked back up to a throb. I had a small idea from a friend online, and I called the dog over to the bedside to get in the bed. “Uh-uh. I don’t want that dog in the bed. I just changed the sheets last week,” Dennis said. “You did not,” I replied. “I did.” No sense in arguing with him. A few minutes later, he went to the bathroom. I heard the water run into the bath tub. I called the dog over to the bed and patted the space behind me. She climbed in the bed and laid down next to my shoulders. “Ziggy…Lower, come on, hit that sweet spot….” she curled up in the small of my back. “Longer… all the way…” she stretched out so we were spine to spine. “Oh, good dog! Oh that feels good! You are such a good dog!”
The bathroom door swung open. Dennis stuck his head out. “What’s going on in there?” he asked. I grinned. “Dog wanted in the bed.” “Are you sure that’s all she wanted?” he asked. Pervert.
The second one happened in class today. I took one of the Go-Gurts to class with me to eat. When I tore it open, I didn’t get it quite open, and I didn’t want to have to keep ripping it because I knew I’d make a mess. So I did the intelligent thing: Sucked on the flimsy wrapper. Professor Sal was lecturing us on the shitty test results we had and I started massaging the end of the Go-Gurt package. I didn’t think anything would happen, just then the plastic broke and yogurt squirted so hard in my mouth it came out my nose and I started coughing over it. Everyone in the classroom burst out laughing. Including Professor Sal.