Today my pain was worse. I couldn’t go to the hospital to see Dennis because I am in so much pain. The pain radiates down my left leg and I can’t put weight on it. Walking is impossible. I had to take a narcotic pain reliever today just to make it through a fifty minute lecture. It was that bad. My leg fell asleep during my exam this morning. I think I failed that exam. Much of the answers I chose were random guesses. My mind isn’t on academics or studying. A week from Friday, I have another exam. I’m contemplating dropping Pharm 3 lab because I’ve already got two zeros in there, and I cannot sit or stand in the lab for very long. Not that Professor Sal lets me sit down all that much. Most of the time he ushers me off the stool… “Do you see anyone else sitting to do their labs?” “No. But I don’t see anyone else limping or suffering from sciatic nerve damage, either!” “Gimme your lab book…” He gave me another zero. I noticed he waits until I’m finished with my work to fail me. It’s as if I’m not even coming to lab.
The doctors at the hospital don’t really know what’s wrong with Dennis. His stomach was swollen Monday morning when I came home from my break. I told him that I couldn’t help him and he needed to see a doctor for x-rays or an ultra sound. I thought he’d just have the tests and come back home. That’s what I get for thinking. He went to the doctor while I was suffering through Pharm 3 lab, and the doctor sent him out to the hospital. I feel like this is karmatic because I was kind of snippy with him Monday morning. I was snippy again when he asked me if I wanted him to call me at 5am to get me up for my exam. I actually whined for him to leave me alone–I needed all the sleep I could get.
I’ve heard two different stories from the same doctor about what is possibly wrong with Dennis. First it was his liver-it’s swollen. Then it was fluid from his heart. When he was weighed, he weighed over 200 lbs. That is about forty pounds more than what he weighed three months ago. When I suggested that he go to a doctor, his stomach was lined with stretch marks. New stretch marks.
The doctor has confirmed that the Dx is a heart problem.
Here I sit, unable to go see him because of this sciatic nerve damage. I can’t walk very far. I can’t sit long enough to drive out there. I can barely lay in bed and type on this notebook. I can’t do anything but writhe in pain. I took my last Tramadol before my Pharm 3 lecture, and even that didn’t numb the pain. It was intense. I wish I could go to the doctor and get things checked out, but I have a bad feeling he’d want to shove me back in that MRI machine and that would just cause anxiety in me and more sedatives to be administered. I don’t need more sedatives at this point in my life.
Dennis thought he was going to come home today. The nurse asked for a urine sample, he was refusing blood thinner, and he seemed better. It looks like he’s not coming home tonight, and I will be spending another night alone.
Right now, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Without my man, I’d have to drop out of college and get a job. Probably something small that didn’t pay much because I don’t know what the status of my RN is.
I have faith, though. This will turn out OK. Bad things don’t happen to good people, do they? Not for no reason at all?