When I came home in between classes today, the sun was shining brightly in the sky. There wasn’t a cloud in sight. I remember I checked the weather on my iPhone and it said it was raining out right then. I giggled and put the phone away before going inside. I found Dennis and Chloe in the girls’ room, Dennis was going through some of Pogo’s things and sorting them into a cardboard box and a trash bag. I didn’t have to wonder what he was doing. It was something we talked about doing all summer long, and now he had started without me.
I know why.
I was holding onto Pogo’s things. It was unhealthy. I remember a week after her funeral, I washed all of her dirty laundry and made her bed with clean sheets. I even folded up her night shirt and put it in her dresser drawer.
I knew this was something that had to be done. We can’t hold onto these things forever. She’s not going to come back from Heaven and want to play with her dolls again, sleep in her bed, read her books, watch her DVDs or write in her journal anymore. Holding onto those things was selfish. We’re keeping the pictures, the journal, some of her toys. But the bedding, the stuffed animals, the un-used school supplies, the clothes, they’re all being donated to needy kids. Stuff that’s been used that can’t be recycled properly (tooth brush, hair brush) are going to be thrown out.
When I went back to school, the sky was cloudy, as if it were going to start raining any minute.