If there’s one thing that I am sick of, it’s the pain. I want to be pain-free. I deserve to be pain-free. I originally went to my current doctor to be pain-free, and since then (22 months, but who’s counting?) he’s skirted around the issue that is my pain. I have never had a single x-ray or CT scan that is related to the pain that surges down my spine. I can barely take a bath. I can’t have enjoyable sex because I’m usually cut off mid-orgasm due to the pain. I can’t drive long distances. I can’t relax in bed with a book because the pain is there, constantly.
However…
*I have been pumped with pills to treat high blood pressure (um, that would be the pain, asshole!).
*I have been pumped with pills to treat cholesterol. It’s never too soon to start destroying your liver! Although, I’d prefer it be destroyed with either alcohol or because of a hep infection, though.
*I have been given non-narcotic medicine that causes memory loss and nothing to counter act that memory loss. This cost me my 4.0 GPA a year ago. I got a B in one of my classes.
*I was “diagnosed” with diabetes during an office visit when the doctor was training a medical student. He was showing off for her and the “OMG! FATASS!” (me) in the exam room and demanded a blood-sugar stick. I was drinking a Dr. Pepper at the time. My blood sugar was about 110-115, and I had had breakfast and lunch that day plus snacks. That’s not a diabetic. But you can’t tell him that! He upped my Metformin to 1000 mg twice per day last month, so I have more nausea and vomiting! It’s worse than chemotherapy because your hair doesn’t fall out, and the puke tends to get caught in the ends. The endless vomiting is what eroded my molar so badly that it dissolved right in my mouth.
Since my doctor seems so clueless about our general health (giving and ex-addict an addictive medicine, ignoring my request for pain management), I flat out asked for specific medicines today. He laughed at me, said I was “irresponsible” with medicine, so he wasn’t going to prescribe it. But here’s a prescription for more diabetes medicine. Let’s not forget that I had an extremely low blood sugar a year ago–yeah, that’s a myth–but these also promote weight loss.
This is where I had to stop.
My pain is not caused by excessive weight. According to my height check today, I’m 6’1″ in crocs and I weigh 174 lbs. That’s not obese. That’s not something to panic about and demand to know why I haven’t signed up for gastric bypass. According to every medical text book and chart at the med school library, I am within normal weight ranges for my height.
My high blood pressure is caused by the constant pain I am in. Up until I was in that car accident with Josh, my blood pressure ran 110/75 or lower. I don’t get that pissed off in the real world. But since I was in that car accident, my blood pressure goes as high as 300+/190+. Any doctor who doesn’t know that pain raises blood pressure needs their license pulled. Especially the ones that tell their patients, who happen to be nurses, that their condition they ‘think’ they have is a ‘myth’.
All my blood work points to my cholesterol being in normal ranges. However, my senior citizen parents’ cholesterol is high, so I’m ‘at risk’. Never mind that I eat fairly well, and when they were my age, their cholesterol was pretty normal. I even told him to re-check my ‘dad’s’ records–the man is African American. I am not. He’s not my biological dad, but what does biology have to do with medicine? My doctor probably thinks high cholesterol is contagious, like a cold or the flu.
Diabetes would be if I hadn’t eaten all day and my blood sugar would range to 150+. It has been within normal ranges. Last year, I had an extremely low blood sugar during my night class, and didn’t think I could get myself home, never mind poor Matt who was running all over campus looking for a soda machine or vending machine to buy me something to eat, while at the same time trying to call someone to come and pick us up. I got this low blood sugar from medicine that isn’t supposed to cause low blood sugars in people who are truly diabetics. But it did me. That wasn’t the first time, but it certainly was the scariest one.
So…
When my meds run out, I’m not getting them refilled. I’ve thrown away three prescription bottles today that I was planning on getting refilled when I got my pain checked out today. I was perfectly healthy before I started taking them, and now I feel like shit. I can’t concentrate. I felt perfectly fine when I was pregnant the last time because then I even quit taking the psych drugs. I’ll go to my March appointment, and then that’s it. No more Village Idiot for me. I have a bad feeling that this new pain that I’m having is something else gone wrong, something bigger, but he won’t test me for any cancers. Cancer never comes out of remission, don’t cha know?
I have a small shock plan that I’m going to try when I go for my March exam. I should take video, if I can.