Home » Depression, Family

Grabbing At Shadows

I feel like I am about to explode. I jumped through hoops to get my mom some money today, twice as much as she originally demanded that I give her, and guess what? It wasn’t good enough. Then she tells me that she doesn’t need the money after all. I remember grabbing all of my CDs off the shelf. I considered going to the basement and getting the boxes of Dennis’ unsold CDs and then I reconsidered, since I don’t think I could explain why I had hundreds of copies of the same CD. I tossed almost all of my CD collection into bags and took them down to Vintage Stock and sold them for over $100. And it wasn’t good enough. I sold my Julian Lennon CDs! I liked my Julian Lennon CDs! I had been working on that collection since 1990. Twenty years. I sold Ozzy Osbourne CDs. Sting. Marilyn Manson. Greatest Hits. Savage Garden. Tony Danza. Oasis. Foo Fighters. Pink Floyd. Many of those CDs I remember buying. Some within the last ten years. They’re all gone now. I can’t get them back, and that money isn’t good enough for her.

I remember telling Dennis that I was going out. I had to go to the store. He was playing with Chloe in the living room and volunteered to go with me. I said no too quickly. I just blurted it out. I know he wondered what was going on, but there was no way that I could tell him. How can I tell anyone face to face that I am being bullied by my own mother?

I wish I lived somewhere far away from here. There are many times when I just want to pack up my things and my family and go. Never return. Leave no forwarding address. They’d only miss my money. They wouldn’t miss me as a person.

This is why I’m depressed. THIS.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • Twitter
  • Google Bookmarks

3 Comments »

  • Keith (3 comments) said:

    People can be weird, especially as they get older. Don’t let your mum get to you, who knows what’s going on in her head to make her ungrateful ?
    If I were you though, next time (if ever) she asks for money remember this time and think maybe she’s just seeking attention or something. Iv’e known a couple of people that make big demands on their nearest and dearest and don’t seem to be thankful at all. I think It’s maybe they’re insecure about being loved so they push those nearest to assure themselves. I dunno :]

    - 14 March 2010 at 6:07 am
  • laane (9 comments) said:

    That’s why I told the family: “NO, not any more!”.
    I told them that taking care of my children is my only priority.
    I changed my phonenumber and had it removed from the phonebooks.

    They acted like they were addicted to putting me down.

    But the relief I’ve felt was unbelievable.
    For the first time I was able to make choices without thinking about their opinion.
    My mistakes are mine, and mine alone.
    There was no need to be nice when I felt the opposite.
    No guilttrips, no decisions which were only good for them.

    In fact…I think it made me grow up a bit.

    - 14 March 2010 at 9:23 am
  • Grace (22 comments) said:

    hackneyed but still true: No one can take advantage of you unless you let them. And you know what, just because someone is related to you doesn’t mean you have to have them in your life. The only antidote for a toxic relationships are the words “No” and “good-bye”

    - 14 March 2010 at 1:20 pm