Le Voyage Etait La Destination

After next week, I will be done, completely, with school. Unless I change my majors, I can go no further in my education than where I will then be. The journey is over. The path leads no further. I have done it. After next week, I will have a PhD, a doctorate, added to my name. I feel no smarter or different than I did two and a half years ago, though others tell me that I am smarter, more advanced. I remember why I went back to school. To go back to the dream job that I had four years ago. It turns out that I’m not going to be going back to that place, but I am okay with that. It sounds like I am spoiled, but I don’t know if I will ever find a job where I actually use my degree. I can’t go back to nursing because my RN expired last year. I would have to be re-tested, and I doubt that I would pass it.

I don’t know if I want that dream job back. Chris is gone forever. I have nothing to prove to Kenny any more. What’s the point? I’ll have a degree, but what does that really do for me?

Right now I’m focusing on being able to drive again. My husband has an idea that I should drive myself to school tomorrow. You know, because I’ve been a “good girl” this past month. I would have liked to use the car today, though. I’m not sure where I’d go, probably to buy envelopes to send off my first shipment from Listia, maybe just a drive to get out of the house.

The sun is setting now. Golden highlights of sunshine are peering through the leaves. The sky is cloudless. I’m going to gaze up at the stars when they come out and wonder if he is watching them, too. The same stars shine down on us all. You just have to be willing to look for them.

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