What Lies Within

I discovered today, that my mother has been lying to me for over a year.

She claimed that her hours were cut, her wages cut, and she needed money. Every day for over a year, she claimed she needed thousands of dollars to get by. Today, while I was cleaning off my table, and I found her bank statement that she left at my place. It says she has over $10,000 in her savings–the same amount that she had when she started asking me for money. I also found her check stub. Her hours weren’t cut and neither were her wages.

She has been demanding money out of me and she doesn’t even need it. I wonder if she was giving my money to her ‘friends’ who just use her for money? Was she giving it to her sister who does meth? Why did she keep coming to me for copious amounts of money when she didn’t need it in the first place?

When I confronted her about this, she flipped her lid. She even threatened to put me in jail for looking at her bank statement and check stub. I doubt that she can do that, but it’s the idea. She usually accuses me of lying to her when I can’t give her money or when I can’t give her unlimited time or resources. She gets pissed off at me when I spend my money on other things, things that my family needs or wants, and she has to work for her money. I’m still in shock. I can’t get over that she was using me for over a year, and emotionally and verbally torturing me when I couldn’t come up with the money or drop everything and help her.

To make matters worse, I went to her place yesterday and felt sorry for her, so I washed four loads of her laundry. I even dried it. When she got home, she gave me hell for ‘touching’ her washing machine. WTF? Who the hell does that? I did her a favour! I didn’t break the washing machine! She always complains that she has so much work to do, but when I help her out, she goes off the deep end about it? No way. No more.

My husband and I have decided that I should probably not associate with her anymore. No matter what I do, I will never be good enough for her. She wants someone whom she can get huge amounts of money from, not a daughter. She blames me for her affair, when I wasn’t even born yet. She blames me for not being able to hang out at bars because I called 911 once when she hadn’t been home for the fifth day in a row, and I was vomiting so badly. She punished my brother Scott for taking me to the hospital when I was 12 and had fallen down two flights of stairs and I was limping badly, and when the nurse asked where our mother was, he said he didn’t know and child services paid us a visit. She has gotten mad at me because I told on her for emotionally and verbally torturing me when I was a child. I told my teachers. I blame them for not acting. Any foster home would have been better than what I went through. My mother simply did not love me or want me. I was only there because she didn’t want the bad stain on her record that she had had a child taken away.

I hope that I’m making the right decision. Maybe when I cool off, I can try to talk to her, but I doubt it. I’m sick of the lies. I’m sick of being verbally and emotionally tortured when I try to help her. I’m sick of being the everlasting scapegoat. It just isn’t right.

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