It appears that I have a “secret admirer”. They started emailing me on August 8, 2010 (coincidence?) and they always use a fake/untraceable emailer. I cannot respond to their emails, though I have a good idea who is sending them, so I’m just going to post them here. Seriously, I know she’s just craving attention at this point (sorry, no link back today. I will, however, continue to edit your comments so they point to your website because I feel you should stand behind your lies, even if they are lies. At least you believe them, right?), and I know she totally ripped these messages off from another anonymous emailer site. I figured that out when I got the first one. See, I know how to use Google. Google is not an Ultimate Secret to me. I also know this person spends waaaaay too much time on the internet because of their lacking flesh life, so naturally, it was the first place I decided to check. But for your amusement, here’s another Pathetic Installment of Pathetic Attempts At Trying to ‘PWN’ Me. Enjoy!

August 8, 2010 23:11
I read your blog and I have to say something to you.
Hey you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever saw. Your beauty is not only exterior but interior as well. I fell for you years ago, but because of your relationship, I kept my feelings quiet. You can do so much better than your current boy. I use boy because any real man would be so lucky to have you, he would do anything to make you happy. Please consider leaving him. He doesn’t deserve such a beautiful and fine woman as yourself. I will always be close by, ready to wipe your tears and kiss your soft lips…Whenever you are ready I will be waiting.

How sick is that? Some stranger who met me through my website? Honey, I’m flattered, but I think you’re a woman pretending to be a man, trying to trick me into something else for you to post on your web o’ lies.

The emails continued yesterday while I was sleeping:

August 9, 2010 4:02
I know i should not have e-mail you again but I love you so much i just cant hide my feelings for you I really do hope you change your mind.

August 9, 2010 15:33
I wish you were not married. I would love to fuck around with you. You are gorgeous. Your sexy hair makes my heart pound. That yummy ass gives me the biggest hard on I have ever gotten. I bet you taste great too. I probably could lick that clit of yours all night long. . . if only you were not married. I’m hard now just thinking of you.

When I didn’t respond (because I couldn’t!) I got this gem in my inbox:
August 10, 2010 16:09
Dang youre ugly You nose is huge How can you walk around in public and show that thing You also got those eyes on the sides of your head like a frog No wonder you dont got any friends now You are snotty and most people don’t want to be around you cause your a hypocrit phony and a slut everybody knows
See why you are a loner now cause you been mean and nobody wants you around go away already

you should seriusly get some work done on your big snowzer nose or else cover it up or hide

Wow. Pissed while I was at the dentist’s this afternoon? Attacking my nose? What the …? Am I supposed to sit at the computer and wait around for this person to email me from a fake remailer because they want attention on my blog? Links back? Hits? Am I supposed to put my life on hold to cater to this person’s lack of attention in the real world? Christ on a cupcake. This same person has been making regular attacks on me all week. I’ve been choosing to ignore them and not give them any more hits because they clearly have enough emotional and psychological problems in their life that have gone untreated.

I’m also well aware that the person probably didn’t research their methods of attack properly and expected me to reply with something like “OMG! I am srsly gonna leave Dennis 4U, anon on the web who fell in luv with me through my blog, even tho I dunno who U R!” so they’d have something to mock on their own site. Sorry it didn’t work out for you. I’m a bad person to troll or attempt to troll because I just don’t fall for it. I’m also smarter than this person gives me credit for; I’d never fall for an “online lover” email. C’mon. You’re middle-aged and you’re sending these things to someone young enough to be your daughter. I know it’s you. Your IP shows up at least 10-40 times per day here to see what I have to say, but in reality, you’re a better cure for insomnia than Ambien.