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Depressing Past

Vox.com is closing at the end of the month. I’ve had a Vox account since 2006, acquired from Jess’ account. Somehow, he got a code from them many moons ago, and invited me after a few hours of me begging. Digging through that old account really depressed me. It had entries from when Jess died. When Chris died. Pictures of my first trip to the cemetery to visit my sister’s grave. When my labrador of ten years died from being hit by a car. Acceptance into BioMedicine. Cruel, mean comments from Roxanna. Reading through that stuff really made me cry. My past is not a good past, but it’s my past, nevertheless.

I got a free Typepad account out of this, but as soon as I pay for my old account, I may be using my account there again. Publicly, that is. It’s cheaper than a domain name, by about $2, and I’m all about the saving money these days.

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4 Comments »

  • Mel Avila Alarilla (1 comments) said:

    Depression is a state of the mind. Many people are depressed and anxious because they do not know what they really want in life. There is a certain void in their heart that needs to be filled up. Looking back at the past made you cry. It probably opened up old wounds and the spirit of bitterness that may still be lingering in your heart. To make a free start on your life, why not accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior and surrender your life to Him. See what dramatic effects will happen to your life once you do this. You’ve tried everything, why not try Jesus? Thanks for the post. God bless you always.

    - 3 September 2010 at 4:53 pm
  • Jamie (97 comments) said:

    My problem isn’t just a state of mind, so to say. I deal with bad memories because at the time I was selfish and did not think of others when I made decisions that changed or ended lives. My nephew died when he was 19. My daughter died when she was 10. My best friend died when he had a 100% curable illness. At the time, I was their caregiver, their family member or their friend. I was also a nurse. Nurses are supposed to promote life, and I did not. My daughter and nephew really trusted me to make them feel better and keep them healthy, and they both died prematurely of cancer. My best friend refused treatment because he felt trapped. The family dog, who lived a long life for a dog, died protecting her family, again, something I feel guilty about.

    Bad choices that were better off left in the back of my mind. Maybe I am just screwed up after all.

    - 3 September 2010 at 8:44 pm
  • zezebel (40 comments) said:

    Past is past. We should change for a better future of ourselves.
    But we need the memory to remind us not to do the same mistake we had done on the past, again.

    - 4 September 2010 at 8:42 pm
  • Jamie (97 comments) said:

    I know. Mine, I just can’t get over. I feel like I should be in jail for murder or something. :\

    - 5 September 2010 at 3:43 pm