See You In The Morning

The day dragged on to evening. Evening became dusk. Then the dark blue night that we have now. I waited. Browsing through old TV shows, waiting for someone to put one and one together and take a bath. It’s Sunday evening, the laundry is done, no one (except me) has bathed since Thursday afternoon or earlier. Yet they wonder why they all smell like rancid onions and butt holes.

The pain came back. It radiates down my back and my left leg. I cannot move even the toes on that foot for fear of pain. I need something different. I know what works for me, so why can I not have it?

I had to take four of my blue pills tonight just to tame the pain. I can still feel it and I know it’s there. It’s debilitating. I cannot function properly, but I am expected to function properly. If I don’t function properly, I have panic attacks where I am replaced by someone better than me. Someone who can do the job and do something more than just sit at a computer several times a day and write 1000 words a day about how badly she feels and how scared she feels.

Yes, I am scared.

Doc Mick called me today to tell me to be sure and come into his office tomorrow. I assume he has horrible news for me. More bad luck. Getting these bad dreams and the bad pains aren’t enough. I have to read blood test results. I have to be poked some more. I have to be told that more tests need to be done before an accurate diagnosis can be given. WTF is this? Am I on the set of House? Why are they being so careful with this diagnosis? I’d like some answers, please.

Doc Dan is going to be at the meeting too. That’s never a good sign when two of the leading doctors are going to work together to try to tell you what is wrong with you. I think it’s too much narcotics, but that’s something I need to make ends meet these days. The sciatica nerve pain is the most worst pain I have ever felt in my life. It’s a challenge to make the bed, wash up the kids, fix meals, and tend to six grown men every single day. The pain is not getting better, and I fear that means I am getting worse. Going down hill. I don’t want to see the doctors tomorrow. I know what ever they bring me, it won’t be good news.

I promise to post as soon as I know what is going on. Well, as soon as I can get my hands on a computer….a competent and internet functional computer. None of those Apple II e’s that are littering the hallway of the doctors’ clinic. I somethings wonder what he is going to do with all of them, Sell them? Oh well. Until then, good night, sleep tight, and and don’t let the bed bugs bite!

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