Course of Treatment

Starting on Monday, I will being the first of eight treatments for cancer. I am no longer in remission. Doc Mick told me this morning during my appointment. He said he did all of the tests several times over to be sure, and he’s over ninety percent sure. The course of treatment is going to be eight months worth of chemotherapy. One dose per month. This time around, I am going to refuse the higher doses. Last time I had a dose, it was so high, or the counter active drugs were so high, my heart stopped.

I don’t know what I am going to do about my job. I was able to go to work today, and do the drone work without missing a beat, but what about after I start treatment. What then? Will I be able to still work? I did not tell Keith that I was sick, but I asked about the insurance. He said it’s still pending. If I am not approved by Monday, I will be paying for my treatment myself. I checked the schedule and called Judson in to work for me on Monday because I was scheduled to work. He gladly agreed. One of the best part about my job is the people rarely question why you need them to work your hours.

My husband hasn’t worked for four days, but after getting the news that I am sick again, he decided to go into the studio. Could I drive him? Oh, and here’s some Arby’s food because I don’t want to cook tonight. Sadly, I was so hungry that I ate the stuff. Ick. Curly fries with no cheddar. I wish that I could do what my husband did and just take off for a few hours today. That’s impossible, though because I cannot run from my own body. I cannot run from what is eventually going to happen. The next eight months aren’t going to be fun, they are going to be hard. It is going to be even harder to continue to work and take care of the little ones, but I am up for the challenge! I want to fight for the last time! there will be no more battles after this one, so I have to make it count. I have to work hard to get well because I know I am needed in this life. I cannot quit yet. There is still so much I want to do and experience.

Because I knew I wouldn’t feel up to it in a few days, I decided to catch up the laundry today. I almost enjoy being alone. I almost enjoy not having to deal with anyone face to face. I know that won’t last, either, but I do enjoy it. I like relaxing with no where to be. No one who needs me. To walk before I have to run. Even if in a couple of hours the kids will be here and I will have to start preparing dinner, I am reflecting on where I go from here.

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