Archive for July, 2012
Not much has been going on with me. Chloe had a good birthday, and I had a pretty good
vacation. I wished it didn’t have to end. I didn’t to come back to my daily, depressing life. I guess James just treats me better than Dennis does. He always has. So why didn’t I marry him? The baggage. I have enough baggage of my own, I don’t need to be supporting someone else who was emotionally a mess at the time. Rough, I know.
Finals were yesterday. I got them all graded and ready to put into the grade book, but to live up to my reputation as the “bitch on wheels” at the University, I won’t be putting them online until Monday afternoon. If then. hehe. The students will live, I promise.
Even though the summer semester is over for students, I have paper work that I have to do all next week and the week after. We have two weeks to get the syllabus ready for Orientation in two weeks, plus approve of a text book. There are so many things professors do on the time out part of the school schedule, that it really made me appreciate my kinder professors that I had.
I haven’t felt well since I returned home from New York City. I just want to sleep and watch TV. That’s really not right since I know that my family depends on me, but I have been super depressed. To make matters worse, I’ve been letting things go all month long, and that’s just creeping up on me at the end of the month. I don’t know what to do with myself, other than keep taking medication that isn’t working, and continuing with a routine that doesn’t seem to be helping me at all. Mostly, I am contemplating my life choices and wondering if I made the right decisions years ago. It’s not like I had any real friends that I could bounce ideas off of back then. Most of the people I knew wanted me to fail, and I secretly knew that. But I humored them and played dumb (I’m really good at that), all while taking notes and making observations (another thing I am good at). By the time I had gathered enough evidence, I just threw in the towel. It wasn’t worth writing up a huge essay over, but this caused the nothings to think that they had won. Whatever. It wasn’t a game, to me, but why should I take away their fun? Let them find out in the end what they really are.
Still, many people have told me they don’t understand why I am not happy. They don’t? I don’t have an amazing life, just because it’s comfortable. I often wonder how it would have turned out had I gone through with what I was really planning to do. Where would I be now? Would I still be a nurse working in the psych ward, or would I be a potential patient to one? Maybe I really do not want to know the answer to that.
Ahh, the beauty of trolls. Whether you know them strictly on the internet, or they
spill over from your real life, they’re either extremely amusing, or extremely stupid. I had a bout with a troll yesterday. It was a girl I knew in middle school, whom I happen to be avoiding on Facebook. She could never spell or even say my name right. She snarked me Friday night, telling me that it was amazing that one of us grew up to be gorgeous, with angelic kids, and a perfect husband. But I shouldn’t worry, I’d get there some day. LULz! I brushed it off, pretending it didn’t bother me. She and I had kids around the same age. Our oldest daughters were almost the same age.
Yesterday she found out her fourteen year old daughter is pregnant and due before the end of the year. The girl got pregnant at thirteen. This woman is a year younger than me, and she’s going to be a grandmother at age thirty one. I was floored. But then, in her letter to me, she said I needed to get Chloe on birth control now before she gets pregnant too. After all, if it happened to her, it can happen to me. What…? Chloe is six! I highly doubt that she’s going to get pregnant any time soon. She doesn’t even know what
sex is! I deleted the email before it could do any real damage. Wow. This woman seems to think that a kid is abnormal if they aren’t having sex by the time they’re thirteen years old. I’m glad we were never really good friends. I can only imagine what she could have influenced me to do.
I’ve been home from my vacation for a week now. Back to work, too. We’re preparing for the summer finals on the twenty-seventh and then it’s a good couple of weeks before I have to get back to work to make the syllabuses and the PowerPoints. If Carl doesn’t hog that too. He’s been taking over the lectures most of the time, last week, because he’s “just used to being there while I was on vacation.” Fine with me. I tweet and play Scrabble on my phone while he’s running the classroom.
That’s about all there is for me. I have to get ready for work for tomorrow, and I already have a ton of paper work to get done before then. I hope I can make it before I fall asleep. We shall see! I have to say that working this summer has put us nearly $10,000 over in the financial department. I’m thinking about blowing some more money at M.A.C. and getting a new DVD-R. Although I spent a lot of the money in NYC this summer, and on some medical services that I needed while I was there. No worries, it was all minor stuff.