I apologise for my site being down. I have half a mind to download my entires and change hosts because I am being ignored by my current hosts on this issue where my site goes down every night around 1:29am. You can set your watch to it. Some times it’s down for 24 hours or more. People are complaining, and while my Dreamhost sites go down for blips of time, they don’t go down by the hour. But I don’t know how to move a site completely, and I’d lose all of my entries and have to start all over again. I’d rather not do that. Plus we all know that I can’t change my DNS on this site without going through my friend who registered it. If I were to stop writing on it, he’d let it go. I have to update at least once a month, or risk lose it.
That and my daughter is in the hospital’s ICU for a bacterial infection and her father seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. Here I am, tending to three kids plus a senior citizen round the clock, while holding down a full time job. Properly maintaining a website has been the last thing on my mind. If it wasn’t for my email not coming through and people posting on the FB page, I probably would not have noticed.
But I plan on keeping my site for as long as I possibly can, and keeping everyone updated on Chloe’s condition. I just sent out my fifth email to my hosts about this whole downtime thing, mentioning that I feel ignored because of their lack of replying to me and that they could at least tell me that they don’t know what is going on, and I don’t know how long I can keep a site that isn’t online 90% of the time. I feel privileged that I can write on my site right now.
As I mentioned above, Chloe is in ICU. Her infection has gone from bad to worse, and I have been spending every moment I can with her. I don’t know where her father is, but we had an argument the other day and he stormed off. Not uncommon. He’s more on the dramatic side of bisexuality, so I’m used to it. Chloe has asked for him several times so I know he’s not visiting her in this spare time. I’ve thought about calling him, but the idea of budging first isn’t exactly ideal. I’m sure he’s off with one of his friends, getting drunk, living up the idea that he never wanted kids to start with and was just “going through the motions” with me, as he put it. The really sad part? I didn’t want kids, either. They just sort of happened. An extension of the love Dennis and I are supposed to have for one another.
I say “supposed” because I don’t think he loves me anymore.
Though he said something to that effect back seven years ago, I really wanted to believe that it was just something else taken out of context. Now I don’t know.
I’m going to be taking some puzzle books, a colouring book, some crayons, a few small toys, a couple stuffed toys, and some other little trinkets to Chloe tomorrow after work. I’ve been sneaking out of work early to go see her. Some of her classmates came to see her this weekend, seeing how it’s not Easter weekend and they weren’t tied down with their families.
So I have to go and prepare for a long, hard day tomorrow. Prayers are welcome. I thank everyone who contributed to Chloe’s Candles. That really warms my heart!