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Archive for the ‘Adventures’ Category

The Crazy House

I’m back! Who missed me? C’mon! I know someone missed me.

I don’t feel as though I was in a “crazy house” than I was at a weekend seminar. The place wasn’t amazing, but it was nothing like the psychiatric wards you see in the media, particularly One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. There were no pajamas, no scrubs on the patients, we were mostly free range women with our own little hotel-like rooms, some had seedling gardens, some worked on art, we ate breakfast and dinner together with our psychiatrists and the nurses, we weren’t lined up for meds, there were no bars on the windows, and there were no locked doors from room to room. I’m sure the ward was locked, but I didn’t try to escape. None of the patients tried to escape. Most of the people there were there voluntarily. I was there for observations, and exercises in psycho-social situations.

The seven areas where I was observed and worked in were:
Empathy
Kindness
Respect
Tolerance
Self-control
Social-consciousness
Joy

Joy is the ultimate goal of the entire program. It means just what you think it means: Happiness based on balance of the other psycho-social situations.

Patients were expected to get dressed in normal clothes every day, engage in conversations at meal times, and interact with other patients, nurses and doctors. I had two major psychologists: Mary and Corey. Corey being an ex-highschool classmate of my father’s.

I was thoroughly evaluated, observed, and found not a threat to myself or others. Corey was more concerned about my chronic physical pain. He feels that is the reason I am depressed. Loss of quality of life would make anyone depressed. My physical pain has taken away so much in my life. I cannot do certain things anymore because I am limited by excruciating pain. My physician thinks that I am faking this pain for sympathy from him. He also thinks I want him, sexually. Of course. All women want him. That’s why they go to him, huh? To get pumped full of pills that cause organ failure and near-fatal car accidents.

I just hope these evaluations enable me to get on some form of medical insurance so I can get a new doctor.

I am happy to be home. I am happy to be with my family again. Hell, I’m even happy to be going back to work tomorrow.

Life is a wonderful thing.


Le Festival de Solstice d’ete

There’s a Summer Solstice Festival tonight, to celebrate The Longest Day. I remember attending one several years ago, and I had a sudden pang for the apple stands. They serve juice, cider, sauce, melt-in-your-mouth chips, whole apples, and several other natural, unsweetened apple goods. I want to go just to dance in the moonlight with fireflies twinkling around me.

I don’t think I can convince my husband to go tonight, though. See, he’s mad at me right now. XD His older brother was singing a bad parody of Me Again Margaret, only he was singing it about my husband, and the story was that he was getting perverted phone calls and discovered himself, sexually, at the age of 28. It’s old meme around here. His brother has been singing it for going on six years now. It’s really no big deal. But when he started singing it today, I burst out laughing. Of course my husband failed to see the humor in it. Huh. These are grown men in their 30s and 40s. But I am the immature one? Ok. It was totally worth it, though.

Maybe I’ll go to the Summer Solstice Festival by myself tonight.


Le dîner Est Sur

Remind me to hurt whoever is behind the database on Dreamhost. I can’t do shit today, concerning my blog. It’s pissing me off. Almost as bad as the traffic on the side streets here.

But I blame that, mostly, on my already-foul mood and the fact that my dad’s car has no air conditioning and I was hung over. Now that I’m home and have no where to go, the sun is hiding behind the clouds and the threat of rain is heavy. The bad things started the night before my birthday. I’ll start from the beginning.

Around 10pm on Sunday night, Chloe came to me as if she were going to give me a hug, but when she got on my lap, she puked buckets of sticky spaghetti on me. She puked two more times before I rushed her to the bathroom. Out of frustration, I flopped a feather bed in the tub and told her she was sleeping there. I showered in my bathroom and went to bed. A thunderstorm was rumbling by outside.

I woke up at 4am on my birthday because I had a wet top sheet in the bed. For those of you who weren’t following my blog in April of 09, my water bed mattress exploded (the second one in three years) and I broke my knee trying to drain it. So when I woke up to a wet top sheet and the fitted sheet drenched at the corner of the mattress, I assumed that the mattress had a leak in it somewhere. I jumped out of the bed, tried to wake up Dennis, with no success, and raced downstairs to get the siphoning hose to start draining it, assuming that he would be pissed that we’d have to spring for a new mattress. I couldn’t find the siphoning hose, just the old hoses from the washing machine. It was pouring rain outside now. For some reason, I went back to bed. I turned on the light. Dennis was still sleeping good, the wet stain on my side of the bed had turned into a puddle. Fuck. I unplugged the bed. Just then, I saw a drop of water fall from the ceiling. The bed wasn’t leaking, the ceiling was! I was so happy the ceiling was leaking! Weird, I know. But it’s going to be cheaper and easier to hire someone to fix the roof rather than buy a new water bed mattress, drain our mattress, haul it away, and fill up a new one.

The ceiling in the bedroom leaked before, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that before hand. For the time being, I put down a towel, and drifted back off to sleep. I woke up an hour later, water logged, and had to get up and put a bucket down on my side of the bed. Then I had to put my feather pillows in the dryer because they were soaked.

My birthday went by pretty uneventful. Chloe got well, and became a terror today. She’s been pinching her little siblings, and then poured Vitamin Water on my desk, so I had to go and buy a new modem today. She’s on perma-punishment until things calm down. It’s nothing cruel. She just can’t hang out with me while I play on the web and watch Saw movies (she doesn’t really watch them; she usually “writes” in her diary, but the menus of the DVDs played all day yesterday). Baxter is still alive. We can’t find a vet to put him down. He doesn’t seem to be suffering, just weak. Lethargic. With a scar on his face. He eats, he sleeps, he pisses frequently. I guess if he were a human, he’d be in his 60s or 70s, so he’s earned the right to be a sleepy, hungry, pissing old man. Other than that, he’s not cold or has weak lungs (rats tend to get weak lungs). His colour (in his tail and paws) is good. He doesn’t have any abnormal, offensive smells. Still, there’s one more vet I want to try, in the next town over. They closed at 6pm today, so I’m taking him tomorrow. If nothing else than for a check up.

I ordered a custom dessert for dinner tonight, but I was four minutes late getting to pick up dessert for dinner, so they canceled my order. FOUR MINUTES and they CANCELED a PRE-PAID order and told me to come back TOMORROW. WTF?! I blame that on the bad traffic here. Every bridge and highway to the bakery is torn up, and there are “detour” signs everywhere. Plus I got lost and had to drive through the back roads home. I chose to take my dad’s car rather than my Ninja because I didn’t want to balance boxed brownies and cakes on my lap while speeding through these back roads. Guess that was a fool’s error. It’s ninety-eight degrees here and that’s multiplied by the greenhouse factor when you’re in my dad’s car because the air conditioning doesn’t work, so the windows are down. There goes the UBV/UVA protection from the windows. I had to buy a 100+ SPF waterproof sunblock so I wouldn’t die of sun poisoning from riding in that car. Three days ago, I rode as a passenger in it, and my arms were so sunburned they blistered, peeled, weeped and turned deep red. Now they’re covered in freckles. I don’t have “normal” freckles. They’re little brown rings. My freckles don’t have centers.

I got my birthday present(s) today. They came in a day late, and I have a couple more on the way. Mostly books. :) Although I did get sex last night. Drunk sex is better for me lately. But only if I get drunk with the booze mixed with Coke (soda, genius) and before Star Trek comes on. Star Trek is better when you’re drunk.

Bitch, bitch, bitch. Complain, complain, complain. I’m not aging gracefully, am I?

Actually, it has to do with me being off the narcotics for a couple of days. I can’t take anymore until Monday. That’s a long ways off when you’re going through withdrawal. I can’t even say that I’m thinking clearer because I’m not.

I’m uploading birthday pictures to Flickr. All of you who are spectators need to add me as a contact. I don’t bite, much. ;) Plus, I have several pictures that are members/friends-only.

In the meantime, I’m going back to dumping the tables in MySQL. It’s driving me nuts that I can’t do anything with WordPress because I get errors or it flat out lies to me and says one thing is done, but that doesn’t show up on my site and when I log back in, it’s back. Be it a comment that is not screened or an entry that I was told was deleted is still there. Unlike Greymatter/MovableType/Blogger, I can’t just log into FTP and delete the page manually. It’s stored in the database, and I hate dealing with Plesk databases. Think warm thoughts for me. :D


Le Voyage Etait La Destination

After next week, I will be done, completely, with school. Unless I change my majors, I can go no further in my education than where I will then be. The journey is over. The path leads no further. I have done it. After next week, I will have a PhD, a doctorate, added to my name. I feel no smarter or different than I did two and a half years ago, though others tell me that I am smarter, more advanced. I remember why I went back to school. To go back to the dream job that I had four years ago. It turns out that I’m not going to be going back to that place, but I am okay with that. It sounds like I am spoiled, but I don’t know if I will ever find a job where I actually use my degree. I can’t go back to nursing because my RN expired last year. I would have to be re-tested, and I doubt that I would pass it.

I don’t know if I want that dream job back. Chris is gone forever. I have nothing to prove to Kenny any more. What’s the point? I’ll have a degree, but what does that really do for me?

Right now I’m focusing on being able to drive again. My husband has an idea that I should drive myself to school tomorrow. You know, because I’ve been a “good girl” this past month. I would have liked to use the car today, though. I’m not sure where I’d go, probably to buy envelopes to send off my first shipment from Listia, maybe just a drive to get out of the house.

The sun is setting now. Golden highlights of sunshine are peering through the leaves. The sky is cloudless. I’m going to gaze up at the stars when they come out and wonder if he is watching them, too. The same stars shine down on us all. You just have to be willing to look for them.

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