Beauté fragile

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010 21.15.30 |  by Jamie  |  Among the Stars, Birthday, Family, Life

There was a downpour today while I was gone to get the dessert for dinner. Rain covered the car. The windows steamed up. A semi zoomed past me on the interstate and caused water to be splashed over the windshield; the cascading water made it impossible to see. I considered pulling over until the storm let up. Lightening danced on both sides of the street. It wasn’t safe for me to be out there. Luckily, there wasn’t much traffic, and I was able to wipe a small section of the fog off the windshield and creep home. No wrecks. Just some annoyance. It seems unrealistic, now, that there was ever a storm. There’s not a cloud in the deep blue sky. The stars are out, twinkling in the sky. The wind is calm. The air is cool. Only the puddles in the street remind me of the rain storm today.

I almost want to ask my husband if he wants to go out for a night ride, but I won’t. I’ve thought about climbing up to the roof and gazing through the telescope mounted there. Just to see the rings of Saturn. I haven’t dared look for it since my eye operation over five years ago. Mucking through my past files brought up my old list of things I wanted to do now that I was able to see clearly now. Seeing the rings on Saturn, which is possible through my telescope, was near the top of the list. I was never able to see them before because my eyes were so bad. I fear the roof. It’s silly. I have nothing to be afraid of, but I can’t get up my courage to climb the stairs and just use the telescope or gaze around the neighborhood.

My birthday is complete today. I got the last of my presents today. Another book and a pair of navy blue Chucks. It seems my boss wasn’t too keen on me wearing white-with-iridescent-stars Chucks in the lab. At least now I won’t be annoying my boss. I love Chucks. I could live in them. Some people joke that I do live in them.

I think I need a night out with my husband. For one night, that’s all I ask. We deserve it, right?

Le dîner Est Sur

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010 19.23.51 |  by Jamie  |  Adventures, Birthday, Drugs, Family, Humor, Life, kids

Remind me to hurt whoever is behind the database on Dreamhost. I can’t do shit today, concerning my blog. It’s pissing me off. Almost as bad as the traffic on the side streets here.

But I blame that, mostly, on my already-foul mood and the fact that my dad’s car has no air conditioning and I was hung over. Now that I’m home and have no where to go, the sun is hiding behind the clouds and the threat of rain is heavy. The bad things started the night before my birthday. I’ll start from the beginning.

Around 10pm on Sunday night, Chloe came to me as if she were going to give me a hug, but when she got on my lap, she puked buckets of sticky spaghetti on me. She puked two more times before I rushed her to the bathroom. Out of frustration, I flopped a feather bed in the tub and told her she was sleeping there. I showered in my bathroom and went to bed. A thunderstorm was rumbling by outside.

I woke up at 4am on my birthday because I had a wet top sheet in the bed. For those of you who weren’t following my blog in April of 09, my water bed mattress exploded (the second one in three years) and I broke my knee trying to drain it. So when I woke up to a wet top sheet and the fitted sheet drenched at the corner of the mattress, I assumed that the mattress had a leak in it somewhere. I jumped out of the bed, tried to wake up Dennis, with no success, and raced downstairs to get the siphoning hose to start draining it, assuming that he would be pissed that we’d have to spring for a new mattress. I couldn’t find the siphoning hose, just the old hoses from the washing machine. It was pouring rain outside now. For some reason, I went back to bed. I turned on the light. Dennis was still sleeping good, the wet stain on my side of the bed had turned into a puddle. Fuck. I unplugged the bed. Just then, I saw a drop of water fall from the ceiling. The bed wasn’t leaking, the ceiling was! I was so happy the ceiling was leaking! Weird, I know. But it’s going to be cheaper and easier to hire someone to fix the roof rather than buy a new water bed mattress, drain our mattress, haul it away, and fill up a new one.

The ceiling in the bedroom leaked before, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that before hand. For the time being, I put down a towel, and drifted back off to sleep. I woke up an hour later, water logged, and had to get up and put a bucket down on my side of the bed. Then I had to put my feather pillows in the dryer because they were soaked.

My birthday went by pretty uneventful. Chloe got well, and became a terror today. She’s been pinching her little siblings, and then poured Vitamin Water on my desk, so I had to go and buy a new modem today. She’s on perma-punishment until things calm down. It’s nothing cruel. She just can’t hang out with me while I play on the web and watch Saw movies (she doesn’t really watch them; she usually “writes” in her diary, but the menus of the DVDs played all day yesterday). Baxter is still alive. We can’t find a vet to put him down. He doesn’t seem to be suffering, just weak. Lethargic. With a scar on his face. He eats, he sleeps, he pisses frequently. I guess if he were a human, he’d be in his 60s or 70s, so he’s earned the right to be a sleepy, hungry, pissing old man. Other than that, he’s not cold or has weak lungs (rats tend to get weak lungs). His colour (in his tail and paws) is good. He doesn’t have any abnormal, offensive smells. Still, there’s one more vet I want to try, in the next town over. They closed at 6pm today, so I’m taking him tomorrow. If nothing else than for a check up.

I ordered a custom dessert for dinner tonight, but I was four minutes late getting to pick up dessert for dinner, so they canceled my order. FOUR MINUTES and they CANCELED a PRE-PAID order and told me to come back TOMORROW. WTF?! I blame that on the bad traffic here. Every bridge and highway to the bakery is torn up, and there are “detour” signs everywhere. Plus I got lost and had to drive through the back roads home. I chose to take my dad’s car rather than my Ninja because I didn’t want to balance boxed brownies and cakes on my lap while speeding through these back roads. Guess that was a fool’s error. It’s ninety-eight degrees here and that’s multiplied by the greenhouse factor when you’re in my dad’s car because the air conditioning doesn’t work, so the windows are down. There goes the UBV/UVA protection from the windows. I had to buy a 100+ SPF waterproof sunblock so I wouldn’t die of sun poisoning from riding in that car. Three days ago, I rode as a passenger in it, and my arms were so sunburned they blistered, peeled, weeped and turned deep red. Now they’re covered in freckles. I don’t have “normal” freckles. They’re little brown rings. My freckles don’t have centers.

I got my birthday present(s) today. They came in a day late, and I have a couple more on the way. Mostly books. :) Although I did get sex last night. Drunk sex is better for me lately. But only if I get drunk with the booze mixed with Coke (soda, genius) and before Star Trek comes on. Star Trek is better when you’re drunk.

Bitch, bitch, bitch. Complain, complain, complain. I’m not aging gracefully, am I?

Actually, it has to do with me being off the narcotics for a couple of days. I can’t take anymore until Monday. That’s a long ways off when you’re going through withdrawal. I can’t even say that I’m thinking clearer because I’m not.

I’m uploading birthday pictures to Flickr. All of you who are spectators need to add me as a contact. I don’t bite, much. ;) Plus, I have several pictures that are members/friends-only.

In the meantime, I’m going back to dumping the tables in MySQL. It’s driving me nuts that I can’t do anything with WordPress because I get errors or it flat out lies to me and says one thing is done, but that doesn’t show up on my site and when I log back in, it’s back. Be it a comment that is not screened or an entry that I was told was deleted is still there. Unlike Greymatter/MovableType/Blogger, I can’t just log into FTP and delete the page manually. It’s stored in the database, and I hate dealing with Plesk databases. Think warm thoughts for me. :D

Birthday

Monday, June 14, 2010 00.41.18 |  by Jamie  |  Birthday

Welp. I got old.

I'm Finally 25!

Monday, December 14, 2009 15.47.25 |  by matt  |  Birthday, Guest Posting

It’s my birthday!!! So why should you celebrate it? Glad you asked! I don’t just post here when Ceej is sick, oh no. :) I maintain the blog program installs, I work on the layout, and I take on the spam comments when Ceej is tearing her hair out.
That’s why I deserve a happy birthday note!!!
Ceej is out clothes shopping and will be back when her illegal video downloads are done and she has passed her final she gets some time to post. Leave her some good vibe comments too! She needs at least a B on her final to pass the class with a B and not have to remediate the semester.

Fire & Rain

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 22.29.26 |  by Jamie  |  Birthday, Illness

I’m starving. I haven’t eaten in nearly 24 hours. The joys of being sick. With the exception of a bottle of SmartWater and my medications today, I haven’t eaten anything. I know I should because I’ve had low-blood sugars with Metformin, but I can’t bring myself to fix anything.
On the good side, I found my presents! Woo hoo! It’s like my birthday all over again! I’m waiting on my card reader to dump so I can get some pictures of them. =)

Birthday Recap

Monday, June 15, 2009 19.53.42 |  by Jamie  |  Birthday, Depression, Family, Life, Married Life, Pictures!, Sex

I swear, if it wasn’t for this blog, I wouldn’t even get out of bed anymore. I just don’t feel well anymore. I hurt if I lay in bed too long, and I emotionally hurt if I don’t. It’s a paradox.
My birthday went fairly well. I see it was a bad idea to give Matt posting rights to my blog. Lord knows what he’ll do now. *all smiles* ;D
I went out to dinner, as posted, and I got the majority of my presents. I want to say it was a “total flop” but that’s just not true. My dad gave me an internal SuperDrive for my desk top, so I can now download, convert, save and burn DVD movies on my desktop and not have to worry about leaving one of my notebooks open all night long. Burn up that hard drive some more. hehe.
Matt gave me one of those eight-hour Mac Book Pro batteries. The problem? It doesn’t fit my current model. This was the only flop that I got for a present. The thought was nice, but in reality, I can’t use the battery. It’s really too bad, too. There’s nothing more I’d rather have than a battery that lasts longer than twenty minutes, on either of my notebooks. I’m thinking of asking the Apple store if I can just trade it for more memory or something of equal use. Maybe even ink cartridges or the new iPhone when it comes out.
Dennis and Chloe made me this really awesome cake. It had mint green and purple icing, with vanilla cake dyed orange. It reminded me of a pumpkin. :D I got my other present from Dennis last night. ;) Ten times. O-O I must have been in need, I’m not even sore.
James made the lovely graphic at the top of the blog. He also made me a new EntreCard ad and some link buttons, which I will be putting on the About page as soon as I can get my FTP to work.
Daisy sent me this card:

(click to view larger)
Much thanks and love. :)
I had a dream about Chris last night. It’s weird that he would come to me in a dream last night. As if he knew I was thinking about him, though I wasn’t. It was the first time in a long time that I haven’t fallen asleep thinking about him, and he comes to me in a dream. He was so Chris in that dream, too.
The bad part? I missed out on meeting Seth MacFarlane. I guess you can’t have everything, huh? It’s really a shame because I wanted to meet him so bad, maybe get some pictures. But there’s always a next time, right? The other bad part is Dennis lost some of my presents between last week and today, and I’m playing the “pissed off wife” card. For example, I’ve “forgotten” to make the bed and change the sheets, knowing that he hates those little fuzz balls on them, and I’ve “forgotten” to make some more iced tea. Oh well. When I get my presents back I’ll remember how to do all of that. :)
I need pain killers and some sleep. My back hurts and I still have crying bouts. Not even my birthday could cure that.

Thirty Minutes

Saturday, June 13, 2009 23.33.26 |  by Jamie  |  Birthday, Depression, Married Life

In thirty minutes (less than that, actually), it will be my birthday. I will be 29 years old, and all I have to show for it is a marriage that is falling apart, a daughter who has died, and parents who only call me when they want something in return. I know that I’m not supposed to be negative, but it’s really hard to see the silver lining when you’re blinded by tears.
There’s no cake on the table. No wrapped presents anywhere. Normally, my birthday is a huge celebration, one that I prepare people for for days in advance. This year, I fear, that I won’t even get a stale cake from the dollar store, or a simple card from my family. I am forgotten. They got what they wanted or needed from me, and that was it. There’s no need to celebrate my birthday. There’s no need to be happy for me. It’s just another day, huh?
Dennis and I are still fighting. Little snips here and there. Just five years ago, I was much happier. I tell myself that all the time. “Just [x-amount of time] ago, I was much happier!” I need to stop measuring my happiness in how the people whom surround me treat me and find a better class of people to surround myself with. But that’ll be the day, huh?
Pogo used to make me a card days in advance. She’s not here anymore. It takes a lot to realise just how final death truly is, and this year is no exception. This time it’s no exception. I often catch myself asking out loud, “Pogo, what are you doing?” to remember that she’s not here, and that’s why she’s so quiet. I secretly wish that she were sneaking through my things or getting into michief. I’m rambling now.
Carry on.

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Wednesday, June 10, 2009 15.00.52 |  by Jamie  |  Birthday, Depression, Family, Illness, Site News, kids

I fixed my comments here, so now people can comment without the need of registering. I know what a pain that can be. I’m also having troubles with my other blog. I can’t get WordPress to load. It started when I installed Beta 2.8 and updated some of my plugins, and I’ve downgraded back to 2.7.1 and it’s still not loading. I’ve deleted all the plugins I’ve installed this month and that hasn’t fixed it. I wanted to blame my host, but the main page loads fine. Any solutions? I’m desperate! I’ll take any advice!
I’ve also updated my pictures here and done some small work on the site. Feel free to look around. I want to put up more detailed pages, and now that I have a permanent home on the web, I kind of have to.
I’ve had migraines for the past couple of days. Throbbing, horrible headaches that I wake up with. They come with an ache-y back that goes away when I sit up. Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? My blood work came back so-so. I’m not in remission, but I’m not dying. The doctor doesn’t know what to do for me. I’ll never be cured. I’ll have this sickness forever.
Emotionally, I feel better. I feel like I have closure on what happened. I sometimes cry over what happened, and I sometimes find myself looking through picture albums and crying over the memories, but I don’t do that often anymore. I force myself away from the computer, away from the picture books, and on to do other things, such as dishes or like yesterday. I took a few Clorox Wipes and cleaned the bedroom wall and my dresser. It had dried on rat filth on them, and just a few wipes cleaned it right off.
My birthday is this Sunday. It’s the last birthday I’ll have for my 20s. Buy me something already!