My husband and I had a huge fight early this afternoon. He let my mother in without telling me she was even here. I didn’t know she was even here until she came barging in my bedroom while I was in the middle of taking my morning meds (yep, at 1:30pm) and demanded that I give her $400. I told her that I didn’t have it. Simple as that. “Get it from your husband.” “I can’t tell him what to do with his money.” “What are you? A pussy?” Yes, my mother called me a pussy. Oh the drama. I explained to her that last month she was preaching to me that I shouldn’t be able to have a say in what my husband spends his money on because I am “too lazy” to get a job.

She then spews this line of crap about how I have been “lying” to her about our doctor. This is where I got pissed off. I asked her where she got her information, and guess what people? She went on the internet and read his Myspace blog and it doesn’t match what I said at all! The guy is unstable at best, and he lied to me about my own health for over a year, then in turn told a completely different story. He’s even pushing the blame of declaring me a drug addict onto my ex husband. “Oh, Sean told me you were a chronic drug abuser….” Riiiiight. Back to my mother, I laughed right in her face. When I was first on the web, she was very anti-internet. She hated the web. She’s gone so far as to say that everyone who uses the web just uses it for sex or to harass others. Plus, her best friend’s daughter has a site up claiming my mother is a slut and has had ten kids by ten different men and not a single one was she ever married to. Nice girl there, huh?

So I asked my mother when she started believing everything she reads on the web. Didn’t she hate the internet just a week ago? Now all of a sudden everything on there is gospel and I’m the liar? I told her that our doctor claims to have graduated from the same school I have, yet his name is not chiseled on the wall of graduates, and that started in 1980. He’s supposed to have graduated in 2001. Oh his Myspace blog says he graduated! So does his blogspot.com blog! Why, there’s absolutely no way that he could have gotten on the web and typed lies in the post box, could he? Of course not! People don’t lie on the internet! They especially don’t lie on public websites that are at the top of the page of first hits for his name!

Then I tossed in that “On the internet, I’m a 6′ blonde who looks identical to D’Arcy, and I weigh 103 lbs. Oh, and your friend Valerie? She’s Emily Deschanel, and her daughter, the one that has libeled your name all over the web? She’s Zooey, and they’re not sisters, they’re mother and daughter! It’s true! They put this in their public MSN accounts! I didn’t even have an MSN account to see this!”

My mother did not see the humor in this. She told me that I’d better have the money when she came back..or else. Or else what? I’m not ten years old anymore. I’m not afraid of her. If she hits me now, I can, and will not hesitate, to call the police. What can she possibly do to me for not giving her money that I do not owe her? What judge in the world would rule in her favor?

She didn’t leave until I said “Fine.” Then she stomped off, slamming our front door behind her, causing the stained glass in the door to shatter and come crashing down to the porch. Just seconds later, I saw my husband’s guitarist trying to sneak out the back door, and I called to him and asked how my mom got in – I had changed the locks. He said my husband may or may not have let her in. So I asked where he was, and the guitarist told me. Livid, I tracked my husband down in the back yard and demanded to know why he let my mother in. I told him we weren’t going to be giving in to her demands anymore. She only comes by to verbally and emotionally abuse and torture me while demanding money. We actually had an argument in the back yard, with the possibility of the neighbors seeing us. At the end of the argument, I told him to replace the front door because she’d broken the glass in it, and the kids were going to get on the glass and get hurt.

A few hours later, after the door was replaced, he came into the bedroom where I was trying to nap and forget about what had happened. He told me that in his family, people are forgiving of one another, and while they mischievously pick on one another, they really love each other. I snorted. “In my family you’re only as good as the amount of money you can hand to the most influential person.” I wasn’t even being sarcastic. It’s sad and true. I don’t know a single person in my mother’s family who is not driven by money, is not greedy, and won’t destroy anyone they think they can get huge sums of money out of. It’s the reason I don’t want anything to do with them anymore. It’s the reason I want to separate myself from them. It’s the reason I cannot live in peace with my husband. When I was first friends with him as a child, my mother hated him. In her eyes, he was fat, ugly, poor (OMFG!) and would ‘destroy’ the family. She preached this until his band made it. Now she says he’s the best thing that every happened to the family. Sure.

After we talked a little, my husband made a remark that my ‘legs were so smooth.’ I grinned. “The better to wrap them around you naked with.” Let’s just say we made up, physically, and things are better between us. I don’t know what to do about my family. Just wait it out, I guess.