Archive for the ‘Family’ Category
Deeper
The sadness won’t go away. I feel isolated and trapped. I tried to reach out to several friends today, and the only one who didn’t flat out ignore me picked a fight with me and we had a falling out.
*sigh*
When did it get so complicated? Why is it so complicated? I know I am blessed, I know I am loved, I know Dennis won’t be away forever, but I have this sense of dread and lonesomeness that just overwhelms me. Then I have these super-hard, super-hardcore labs that are due every single day between now and April 2end. Eight pages of handwriting each. It’s enough to drive me crazy! Today I didn’t even finish the lab–I was a couple of pages short. On the first new lab. What the hell is wrong with me?
I found out that Dennis has gone through a thirty count bottle of Seconal in about six days. That’s too much too soon. He emailed me a text asking for the prescription number so he can get it filled overseas. I told him that I didn’t know where the bottle was–after I seen the refill date was February 15th. When I confronted him about this, he said it takes about six pills for him to relax. WTF?? I think it’s time that the family doctor and I had a little talk.
I’m off to bed. Nothing else much to say.
I’m A Mess
Thank you all for the well wishes.
I wish I could say that I’m better and ready to get to class on Monday, new lab book in hand, but I’m still not well. I’m nauseated and groggy. I have heart burn and my back hurts. I’m really falling apart, huh? 
I’m going to medicate and then try to straighten out the bed. Dennis asked me to do one thing while he’s away: Find the TV remote, and I haven’t done it yet. I felt along the frame of the bed, swept between the wall and the bed, and even checked a little in the closet. There’s so many places it can be. Today, my father-in-law let Chloe out in the rain and mud with him when he went to get something out of his car. I guess she rolled in the mud, and he let her in my bedroom and she climbed up on my clean quilt and slept there while I was in the bath. I just washed that quilt three days ago!
Oh well. Live and let live.
I’ll Be Waiting
It happened. It wasn’t glorious, it wasn’t overly dramatic. I just stood there and let it happen. It’s not as if I didn’t know this was coming, I knew. I knew well. It was more that I was expecting myself to react differently. I was expecting to cry, to be overwhelmed with feelings of dread and despair. I know in two weeks, he’ll be back in my arms. Just two weeks. 14 days. It seems longer than it actually is. I can do this. I can get through these times. I have been alone before, I can do it again. I know I can. I didn’t think I could conquer that huge lab assignment that I had today, but I did it. I can be alone. I can handle things. When he kissed me goodnight, he said if I needed anything, I was to call. Not to hesitate to call. Again, easier said than done.
Everything is up to me. Everything is going to be because of my decisions and my actions. It’s not easy to think about that, but it is the way things are going to be now that I am here alone. I’m not going to like this, but I can do it. I have to. I know I can.
I’ll Wait Endlessly
Tomorrow morning my husband will be getting on a plane and going clear across the world for his career. We do need the money, but I wish there was a better way. I wish I could say that I made his last few days with the family a memorable one, but I simply pushed him away. I told him we couldn’t have sex because I was on yeast infection treatment (oddly enough, that treatment ends tonight). I didn’t go out with him on Valentine’s Day because I wasn’t feeling well. I just moped around and whined about having to do classwork and study for an exam. I’m a great wife, huh?
This will come back to me, I know it. Some day. And I shouldn’t be surprised when it does. Just a little bit of shock.
I’m not making sense anymore, so that’s my cue to get to bed. How I wish tomorrow would never come.
Hostess
★
☆
comatised.com
on Google+
Countdown To Halloween!
NaNoWriMo
Click, Drop & Roll
Plurk
Visuals
