Archive for the ‘Family’ Category
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas
My foot felt better today. So what did I do when The Steve Wilkos’ Show was over? Go to the mailbox? Buy those Christmas Cards I’ve been meaning to get? Nope. Not even close. I went back in the storage room to get the Christmas decorations down. I learned nothing from being bed-ridden for the last few days. That’s part of my stubborn charm, though. 
This time I saw that I could not reach the box of decorations with the tree in it.
I went back out to the living room. Dennis and his friends were parked in the chairs, watching a movie. I scouted out the biggest of the crew. “You, fuzzy-wuzzy, come ‘ere,” I said and motioned at his guitarist to follow me. He shrugged, got up, and followed me to the storage room. “They just aren’t as discreet as they used to be,” he remarked. “Very funny. Kneel down,” I said. “I like where this is going,” he remarked. I rolled my eyes and sat down on his shoulders. “Lead me over to that stack of boxes,” I said. He slowly stood up and we swayed to the stack of packed boxes. I grabbed the one labeled “Christmas ’98″ and he lowered me to the floor. “My back hurts now,” he whined. “Well mine doesn’t, so I’m going to go set up the tree,” I replied and hurried to the living room with the tree.
I gathered the kids around and we hooked all the ornaments, Dennis hung the lights and I plugged them in. They’re extra bright. I love them. I unpacked wrapping paper, tape, special scissors, ribbons, tissue paper, and some gift boxes. The kids helped string our ornaments. There are sets that Dennis made, sets that I picked out, and a set that came with the tree. I remember buying that tree and the ornaments. I was pregnant with Pogo. It was the tree Dennis and I bought the first Christmas we were together. We planned to spend eternity together.
Last, Dennis and I strung the German glass ornaments we splurged on that first Christmas we were together. They’re just simple red, blue, green, and gold balls and bells, but Christmas will never be the same without them since we put them on the tree that year. We do it every year no matter what. The tree was beautiful. I took some pictures.
This is one of our special ornaments.
Another one. They’re not hairy, they have very fine glitter on them.
Looking up. The wires you see at the top are from the little birds we put on the tree every year.
Pogo and Dennis made this when she was about four years old. She caked these styro-foam spheres in glue and then dipped them in his glitter stock. they’re beautiful. I have a set of two of them. Pogo used to always put them on the tree.
Dennis made the star from fishing line and large craft beads.
More hand-made ornaments by Dennis.
I have a set of Christmas Light Bulbs that I bought at the same time as the glass ornaments.
Three-dimensinal snowflake.
Full-length. Note the hand-made candy canes Dennis made.
The lights on the tree are twinkle lights. I really hate that because Dennis is seizure-prone and those twinkle lights get him every single year. I thought they broke when they started twinkling. I moved the tree to put some of the gift boxes under it, and the lights went off. I was a little ticked off, and was going to adjust the plug when they came back on. Then went off again. Then came back on. Then I seen the dim twinkle bulb on the string and I realised that I was dealing with twinkle lights. 
Yes, I’m weird like that.
Happy Christmas all.
It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas
My foot felt better today. So what did I do when The Steve Wilkos’ Show was over? Go to the mailbox? Buy those Christmas Cards I’ve been meaning to get? Nope. Not even close. I went back in the storage room to get the Christmas decorations down. I learned nothing from being bed-ridden for the last few days. That’s part of my stubborn charm, though. This time I saw that I could not reach the box of decorations with the tree in it.
I went back out to the living room. Dennis and his friends were parked in the chairs, watching a movie. I scouted out the biggest of the crew. “You, fuzzy-wuzzy, come ‘ere,” I said and motioned at his guitarist to follow me. He shrugged, got up, and followed me to the storage room. “They just aren’t as discreet as they used to be,” he remarked. “Very funny. Kneel down,” I said. “I like where this is going,” he remarked. I rolled my eyes and sat down on his shoulders. “Lead me over to that stack of boxes,” I said. He slowly stood up and we swayed to the stack of packed boxes. I grabbed the one labeled “Christmas ’98″ and he lowered me to the floor. “My back hurts now,” he whined. “Well mine doesn’t, so I’m going to go set up the tree,” I replied and hurried to the living room with the tree.
I gathered the kids around and we hooked all the ornaments, Dennis hung the lights and I plugged them in. They’re extra bright. I love them. I unpacked wrapping paper, tape, special scissors, ribbons, tissue paper, and some gift boxes. The kids helped string our ornaments. There are sets that Dennis made, sets that I picked out, and a set that came with the tree. I remember buying that tree and the ornaments. I was pregnant with Pogo. It was the tree Dennis and I bought the first Christmas we were together. We planned to spend eternity together.
Last, Dennis and I strung the German glass ornaments we splurged on that first Christmas we were together. They’re just simple red, blue, green, and gold balls and bells, but Christmas will never be the same without them since we put them on the tree that year. We do it every year no matter what. The tree was beautiful. I took some pictures.
This is one of our special ornaments.
Another one. They’re not hairy, they have very fine glitter on them.
Looking up. The wires you see at the top are from the little birds we put on the tree every year.
Pogo and Dennis made this when she was about four years old. She caked these styro-foam spheres in glue and then dipped them in his glitter stock. they’re beautiful. I have a set of two of them. Pogo used to always put them on the tree.
Dennis made the star from fishing line and large craft beads.
More hand-made ornaments by Dennis.
I have a set of Christmas Light Bulbs that I bought at the same time as the glass ornaments.
Three-dimensinal snowflake.
Full-length. Note the hand-made candy canes Dennis made.
The lights on the tree are twinkle lights. I really hate that because Dennis is seizure-prone and those twinkle lights get him every single year. I thought they broke when they started twinkling. I moved the tree to put some of the gift boxes under it, and the lights went off. I was a little ticked off, and was going to adjust the plug when they came back on. Then went off again. Then came back on. Then I seen the dim twinkle bulb on the string and I realised that I was dealing with twinkle lights. Yes, I’m weird like that.
Happy Christmas all.
TMI :: Digested Fat
If there’s one thing I can’t stand the smell of, it’s digested human fat.
I say this as someone who is a nurse. Who worked as a CNA for a year before getting her RN, in a nursing home filled with people who shit themselves every fifteen minutes. I say this as a mom who has changed more baby diapers than taken breaths. I say this as a person who has had MRSA, VRSA, and C-DIFF. I say this as a person who worked in the morgue for nearly two years.
I have never smelled anything that made me throw up before.
Then my husband went on that fad diet, and he reeks of digested human fat. And I puked tonight. Four times. Just from leaning over to pick up Chloe’s toy when I was putting her to bed. Fuck, I can’t sleep with that. He’s had a bath, I keep his clothes clean, but he reeks of that nasty smell because it’s coming out of his pores! How can anyone sacrifice good hygiene for any amount of weight loss??? I’m getting sick just thinking about it. Time to take a blue pill and try to sleep.
The Willies
Poor Ron. I will traumatise him yet!
Today he came over with some notes for tomorrow’s class. Because we really have to go over this if we want to pass. He kept checking his phone, a BlackBerry, and eventually asked me if I had a charger anywhere that he could borrow. I said sure, in the drawer under my bed there was a cloth bag with an assortment of chargers in it. Just take what he needed and use the outlet there in the bedroom. I then remembered that I store something sensitive in there, and hurried after him. He had the bag out and was poking it. “Something’s moving around in there,” he said and untied the bag. “Ron, wait!” I said.
Right then my husband came home with his father. At the same time, Ron reached into my charger bag and pulled out one of my toys. Not just a good toy, but the Clone-A-Willie; an exact duplicate of my husband’s, well……willie. Ron looked shocked. I grabbed the toy from him. Just then my father-in-law came over to the bedroom doorway. “What’s going on in here?!” he demanded. “Nothing!” I replied and shoved the toy in the desk drawer. “Wut do you got there?! Cigarettes? Did you bring her cigarettes?” he asked Ron, who was in shock and petrified. “No!” I replied.
My husband escorted his father to the kitchen. My father-in-law was making all kinds of suggestions as to what I was hiding: Alcohol, a positive pregnancy test, marijuana. My husband came back to investigate. “What is it?” he asked. I opened the desk drawer and showed him. He grinned. “Yeah dad, she totally smokes that!” he called out to his dad and left the bedroom. I sighed and plugged in Ron’s phone.
“What was that? Do you use that?! You do, don’t you! I can’t believe you do that with that!” Ron said. I rolled my eyes. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m married. Not only do I do that with that, but I also do that with a real one at least three times a week! And I LIKE IT!” I replied. Ron’s eyes widened. “That’s…! You sit next to me!” he protested. “You’ll live,” I replied.
I don’t know what he thought. A married woman with kids, how could she have had penis! I’ve got to stop making friends with virgin men. They’re all … goofy. On the weirder side, Ron didn’t even stay and study. He just couldn’t be in the presence of perverts who touch genitals, and he was in so much of a hurry to get out of here before his own genitals got used, that he left his BlackBerry charging on my dresser. I guess I’ll just have to take it to him in the morning.
Hostess
★
☆
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