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NaBloPoMo November 2013


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Archive for the 'Fangirls Suck' Category

Billy’s Loss

Mar. 17th 2014

I just read an essay online about someone’s experience with my brother in law, Billy. I feel like projectile vomiting. Fans are so… disgusting. The way they tear each other down and the way they think they are the world to their celebrity. I remember when a fan girl tore into me for posting pictures of my own husband on a forum. I never did that again!

I’m feeling particularly nostalgic because I may actually be getting Roxanna’s old domain after all. The idea of making a shrine to a dead woman and letting the world know what happened to her makes me think of my own death. Who will tell the world when I die? Almost all of my accounts are private from real life friends and family. I like it like that. I once had a freak print out my blog and physically mail it to my mother thinking they were doing harm, but my mother said I wouldn’t write things like that and just threw it away. I was so relieved.

But this thing with Billy has me feeling sad. No one really likes him in the family. He gave up his family for a fling, and now he has no close family members. I’d feel sorry for him, but he’s mean to me and has been for the last twelve years. I liked him much more before he met his fling, who is dead now, by the way. Billy thinks he can just pick up where we left off and be the best of friends again. I remember though. I remember the cruel things he said to me in defense of someone I’m fairly sure picked up the other end of the line because she was harvesting pictures and videos of me for my stalker. But I can’t convince Billy of that. I also can’t convince him that he was unreasonably hateful and mean to me during his eight year relationship with her. After I spent money buying him websites to email this woman at, and time setting up blogger/movabletype/wordpress accounts, designing them so that he was “unique” all so that he could write cruel things about me on the pages. In my full name, nevertheless.

But those websites are gone now, and I rarely get hits from them, if ever. I find myself on the WBM to remind myself what he did to me. I also read entries that people made about him to remind myself about the people who could have hurt me deeply. Crazy people. People who will do what someone says, no matter what the consequences. People who won’t second guess hurting a woman, even if she is disabled or unable to defend herself. And that is who Billy surrounds himself with.

As long as those people are around, I am going to make myself scarce. I don’t answer Billy’s calls. I don’t answer the door when he knocks. No birthday card this year, no Christmas cards with the family photo in it. Actually, we omitted him from the family photo in 2009. He doesn’t seem to have noticed.

Until today, he was completely oblivious to the fact that I have been ducking him for four years. Now he wants me to pay attention to him. He wants me to love him, to be his friend. I say fuck it. You made your choice, now go live with it.

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Megan Lewis: Round Three

Aug. 2nd 2012

Megan Lewis, CloudzAngel, is back again! At least this time she didn’t spend money buying a domain, but she made the mistake of hiring the same fake references as the other fifty cam whores she’s been over the years.

Anyone with a brain would see this website is a scam. For one, she’s got a phone number listed, but it’s not a Tulsa number. All numbers that are legitimately Tulsa based are 918 numbers. The 206 number traces to Enumclaw, Washington. The “proof” that her photos are real is a simple watermark on the upper righthand corner. I could do the same thing with any photo of any celebrity on the web. Doesn’t mean that they endorse comatised.com, does it? At one point she says that her home town is Dallas, TX, and in other places on the page she claims to live exclusively in Tulsa, Oklahoma. This model is supposedly a “super-model thin,” yet asks for “plus sized” panty hose on her Amazon WishList. The site is supposed to be over eight years old, yet the layout is modern and there’s no evidence of it in the WayBackMachine. Whoever she stole from this time, she was able to get videos and over 100 pictures of them.

I know Megan trolls this site, and I know she trolls my gallery and it’s just a matter of time before she makes a fake site in my name or Dennis’ name with pictures stolen from our various profiles on the web. I’m actually surprised that she hasn’t done so already, except that I know where she works downtown and it’s just a matter of me sending them a login to this site and showing them the threatening and abusive comments she left on here through their internet connection.

It’s just a matter of time before Megan deletes the site, so here are some screen caps. They’re from my phone and the battery was dying, but I think I captured her sleaze and deception fairly well. To the people who have contacted me about her, you’re welcome to come back at any time!

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Megan Lewis Has Arrived!

May. 24th 2012

Megan Lewis, AKA CloudzAngel and a whole scope of fraudulent cam whore sites, has discovered my little writings here, and boy is she mad!

She left me a sweet comment. Every other name was “you fat fucking slut” and how she hopes she sees my “fat assed face” again, she is going to “beat the fuck outa” me. Tsk, tsk, why so violent, Miss Christian? Is that how Christ would act? You started this. You set up fraudulent websites and pissed off the entire internet. No one has anything good to say about you because of that. Then you targeted me personally when you made fuck-profiles to send to my husband and try to have an affair with him. Joke’s on you, huh? Oh, and she totally had sex with my man. Totally. He just might bring me AIDS if I’m not careful and don’t delete my posts about her. My kids will get it and die too. Did she just admit to be giving random men AIDS to bring home to their wives? How are the kids going to get AIDS? Just cuz lil ole MegNUTTERS is the product of incest and dating a man old enough to be her great-grandpappy doesn’t mean that everyone living in this state is doing the same thing.

By her comment, I can totally tell that she is so much more mature than me. So much more that her entire site was shut down for abuse, and making threats. And it’s a true sign of maturity to threaten to beat up another person, sleep with their husband and infect their whole family with AIDS (she must be the only person immune to carry AIDS…Because she commented that she had done it before….LOTS of TIMES), and then totally fuck them all up. Her words, not mine. But she’s very mature for 25. And she’s totally a poster child for God’s love. Sounds more like the typical Bible Thumping Back Woods Freaks that we’re surrounded by here. You know, the place where the men aren’t afraid to shoot women and make sure you know it well.

There’s her IP. Ban her if you must. Or congratulate her. Ole Freddie was put out to the gallows before horny desperate Megan came along. Hey, she must be good for something, right?

Like this site on Facebook. You know you wanna! Join the Feed. Again, you know you wanna!

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A Mother’s Day

May. 13th 2012

winxMother’s Day. Yet another holiday created by the Hallmark corporation to stereotype women. :0) Just kidding! I don’t live with that type of an attitude! So, for a simple treat, I am going to go through my day, from the time I woke up until now. I realise that even though I share a lot on this page, I don’t share enough. If I share too much, I am accused of putting my family in danger. If I don’t share enough, I risk some bozo claiming that I am lying. I have a funny story about that, but today is not the day to post that. Today I am going over how the majority of my summer days are going to go. After getting the little ones fed and off to their toys, I sat down at the computer and figured up what all I needed to purchase and download. I had three seasons of a show that I needed to get downloaded, and I got right on that. The next part involved me fiddling with the site while trying to correct my error that I keep getting here. I gutted the site and started over from scratch, except for my WP data base. That ate up twenty minutes. While I was waiting for files to delete and upload, I sorted the laundry and took out some shirts, panties and socks to change into tomorrow, for court. Yes, I have court tomorrow. It’s nothing that I really want to get into yet, but I will in due time. I also set out my new inhaler, keys and synced my iPhone so that I’ll have something to listen to while I’m waiting to pass the time tomorrow. I dumped my extra coins in Chloe’s tin piggy bank, and folded and put away some clean laundry that I have been putting off for a few days. I listened to fifty-seven songs on one of my favourite playlists on iTunes, and sorted out my papers for court tomorrow. I have to remember to pack my meds and some water and ginger ale for the afternoon. In case I become ill during court.

Good thing that Dennis is fixing dinner tonight, and caring for the dishes. He’s going to fix the bed while I am taking my bath tonight. Work, work, work. I’m glad University is out for the next three months, so I don’t have exams to attend or papers to grade. Although I would rather be trotting down the isles of medical work stations at the University and cutting arteries on goats for surprise features of exams, and reading grad students suck-up papers than preparing to go to court over something that truly has had my heart tied in knots. It has me second guessing things. Am I doing the right thing? Well, at one time, I think I was conscience enough to not want to be put in a mental asylum, so I assume that I will always never want to go in one. How could I put someone else through it for the rest of their lives? Some one that I care so deeply about? But do I have the will power to take care of another person? Do I have the strength to be the person I once was, or am I going to lay down on the job simply because a few years have passed?

I’m afraid.

Dennis is going away this weekend, on an artist job thing, and I will be alone with my medicines and sickness and children from Friday through Monday. If court is short, I will be, basically, one child more in my care. I have been feeling better since kicking the risperidone, but for how much longer can I possibly fake it? There are so many questions, and I have no answers. I cannot come up with any on my own. I have searched my soul and the text books of my life, that I have been penning since I was eleven, and the answers are not there. That tells me that I am on a new path, one I have never had to take before, and I am afraid. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid of going it alone. Afraid, afraid, afraid.

And that’s not being fair to my family or the people who love and need me.

Leaders aren’t supposed to be afraid. Leaders aren’t supposed to be questioning themselves at the time of a new path to go down. Leaders take lead, and lead their family down that new path with courage and strength. Here I sit packing Vicodin for a court date in the morning, telling myself that I will do fine in the court room as long as I have my narcotics. It’s like spinach to Popeye.

I think the best thing for me to do is go and enjoy myself. It is my day after all! Mommie Dearest was on earlier. What a movie to show on Mother’s Day, huh? There’s a thriller/slasher flick from the late 70’s/early 80’s titled Mother’s Day about some women who get lost in the woods and some demented hillbillies chop ‘em up. I think it was made before the days of Jason. Whenever it was made, it’s one of a thousand reasons why I will not go into the woods to this very day. Only thing better to watch? Sybil. Yeah. Let’s get the child abuse themed movies on today in honor of our mothers! Because nothing says I love you Mom! like watching horrific depictions of child abuse or slashers! Even if it’s watered down with Hollywood-isation, it’s the idea that counts. Remember and celebrate your mother with love, not evil moms or hillbillies gone wild with chainsaws. It’s her day, after all, and mom does a lot for you and everyone in your life. Even if you can’t see what she has done, you know she has been there. You’re gonna miss her when she’s gone, or if she went on strike. I say this from experience.

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Why I Left PlayList

Apr. 7th 2012

Back in July of 2005, I was asked to be a moderator on PlayList. PlayList is just what you think it would be, a place where local and famous musicians can request their MP3s to be collected in a monthly “play list” for subscribers on an iTunes community. It’s run by my friend Josh. After getting my first iPod in October 2004 and submitting numerous playlists, I was asked to be a mod. Fine. The rules of PlayList are that your version of a song can only be added ONCE to PlayList. You can add a live version, but you cannot add two of the same versions. Mostly I submitted my own and my husband’s music, sometimes my nephew’s music.

In January, a fairly famous person submitted several MP3s of his music for the January 2012 PlayList. One song had already been submitted and published in June 2007, but this somehow slipped past the other mods, who were obviously star struck and over stimulated at the thought of the cards and free front row tickets this artist had sent to the mods who listed their mailing addresses. I didn’t get shit, but that’s not why I did what I did.

I went back through the main archives and saw the song was listed twice, the only difference was a few seconds on the songs. I played them both and they were identical studio versions, so I cut the latest song from the January 2012 PlayList. This caused the artist to fall out of the top five artists on PlayList, and I sent a short email to him telling him why I had cut his song and that he needed to check the main archives before submitting another song. Of course this particular artist has to be the best and at the top of everything, even a small community of outcasts PlayLists. He threw a fit, called Josh, and played the gay card. In other words, he told Josh that I cut his song because he’s gay and that I told him this is why I cut the song. Nothing could be further from the truth, but Josh doesn’t log email conversations, so when said artist deleted my message to him, there was no proof I hadn’t said these things.

Here is where Josh and Co. should have known me better. They have known me for over twenty years, long before any of us had internet access. Josh made a post on the message board of our community, and asked what people thought. Of course because said artist had sent out tickets, cards, and gift baskets to most of the mods, they sided in with him: I was jealous and upset because he had not given me anything. Sure. Whatever. Why not? After all, why else would I have this poor guy under the microscope and delete his awesome song that had been okay with everyone else for three months?

Josh re-instated the song in January’s PlayList, removed my moderator status for the weekend, and told me to check with him before I do any other modding on the community. What.The.Fuck. The whole point in making me a mod was so that I could make decisions when the owner wasn’t there! Now I have to “get permission” before I could make any changes? Um, fuck no. I replied to Josh’s thread that he should have believed me, even if God himself got on that message board and told a lie about me; I was his friend, not the artist. The artist didn’t even reply or look at the message board post, which is weird since he’s made more posts in the communities than anyone else on the entire site, that I have witnessed so far.

So I resigned as a Mod.

I thanked Josh for letting me be a mod, because I did not have to pay to get an awesome music list every month, and I was replacing several of my songs that I lost when my mother sold my CD collection, but it wasn’t worth it to be belittled, lied about, and have everyone picking sides. I also told him if he wanted to boot me from his blog circle, I’d “understand”. You know, because one would have to kick me out of everything because of a conflict in one community. I’ve been through that countless times on Livejournal.

So far he hasn’t replied to me, and I don’t expect him to until after the weekend. Passover, Easter and some kind of fasting that he has to do. It’s a religious thing, so I won’t question it.

For anyone interested, here are the Easter photos so far this year.

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The Return of Cloudzangel aka Megan Lewis

Oct. 21st 2011

Remember Megan Lewis, the serial faker from a town over from me? She’s back bothering me again. This time she’s been sending fuck me! and like wut u c links to Dennis, trying to strike up a cyber affair with him, or something, totally oblivious to the fact that I monitor all email that comes in and can intercept her little love notes to him. This also includes the slutty little emails that she sends him in the middle of the night telling him that he should “drug the shit outta” me, and meet her at some sleazy bar downtown. Shouldn’t she be trolling religion boards that have nothing to do with her? Or spending time with her “boyfriend” whose daughter is older than her? Or making out with her boyfriend’s daughter?

C’mon Megan! Just because I prevented you from committing fraud on desperate men on the internet doesn’t mean that I’m the bad guy! Aren’t you a good Christian girl who shouldn’t be committing fraud online anyway? For someone who is a good Christian girl, you shouldn’t be trying to seduce some one else’s husband, either, even if you’re just doing it to put a snag in my relationship over the fact that I ruined your little online scams. And yes, if I find any more of Megan Lewis’ scams online, I’m going to call her out. She’s supposed to be this superior person who doesn’t dabble in sinful things such as Muslim religion, so why does she find it okay to make fake websites with the sole purpose of defrauding people online?Complete with stolen photos, nevertheless.

For the record, when I confronted Megan about the emails and profiles, she gave me this huge lie that Dennis had been meeting up with her and screwing her brains out all month long, and not on the road making money; funny, cuz I saw many of his shows, live, on TV throughout the entire month. Who should I believe here? The TV, which has never maliciously mislead me? Or a pathological liar who makes fake websites to steal other people’s money? What a tough choice!

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Where Do Lies Come From?

Feb. 26th 2009

Why do people lie? Better yet, why do they lie to total strangers who have just known them for a few days? Why do people think that lying about someone is a kewlie form of revenge? Do they think that honestly bothers someone? Yes, there’s that retaliation that it must bother me, because here I am, blogging about it. Right. It bothers me so much that I’m going to post what they did and how they did it.

For the past week or so, an ex-friend has been emailing and IMing, possibly texting and calling someone she knows from a message board. Someone who was friends with her for a while there, or this person praised her extreme methods of copyright infringement as well as intellectual theft (nothing on her site is originally her’s. She has the site of your typical 12 year old; celebrity layout, but she’s nearly fifty years old), and the ex-friend interpreted this as friendship and trust. So she started talking smack about me about a week ago.

Mostly, the ex-friend tells people outrageous lies about me. She tells them I abuse my children, I’m too busy being a slut and sleeping with her man to take care of my children properly. Where she’s getting this information is a mystery to me. I assume she’s making it up because I’ve certainly never expressed any of this to her in any way. Her “man” happens to be my brother-in-law. Yes, I’ve fed the guy, washed his clothes, given him a place to sleep at times, but I’ve certainly never jumped in the sack with the guy as a favor for any of this.

The lie that I abuse drugs and alcohol and lie about it is going around again, thanks to her. If this stranger hadn’t come to me and told me the things the ex-friend has told them, I never would have known this. The person who came to me said they felt my ex-friend was telling these same lies, in private, to many people on a popular band message board. How sneaky. Tell it in private messages so that I can’t find it in google? Wow. What a great friend she was. I remember making so many enemies on the web because of her. Because I defended her. Because I told them I knew she wasn’t talking about me behind my back. To find out now, after all this time, that she is is rather heartbreaking.

I also was informed that she’s telling people where my blog is, my email address, and distributing pictures of me to the members of this board. I contacted a few of her random friends, and they confirmed that she did talk smack about me, and gave them photos of me, though only one of them really believed it. Mostly she tells them that I am the one talking bad about them, and I say that I am going to hurt them or hunt them down in the real world. One woman told me my ex-friend said I was crazy and psycho and I was going to hurt her in the real world. She looked at my blogs and decided I wasn’t, and only lightly humored my ex-friend after that.

I feel my ex-friend has a lot of personal demons and she needs help. Unfortunately, I can’t be the one who drags her to a therapist every week or cram pills down her throat every day. That’s a decision only she can make. Too bad she’s choosing to lie about me and to my loved ones. Thank you for those of you who choose not to believe her.

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