I haven’t eaten yet today, so if this entry seems awkward, that’s why. I just got up from my nap, too, and I’m probably not thinking clearly.
I got to talk to Dennis last night. He got injured on the reality show (of course…he was competing against body builders who have been surfing since he still weighed 300 lbs. and he was determined to beat them) and he asked me what was going on. Why did I text him what I did? Has something else happened? What is going on? It was the way he asked that made me consider that I should let it go. Stop everything. Leave the sleeping dogs alone. Stop poking them. Of course I’ll keep my promises to them, if they want, and I’ll help when I can (being a techie and a super-problem-solving wonder-woman nurse has it’s benefits!), but in the long run, I am done, it’s over, I need to let it go.
Just let it go.
Move on.
Easier said than done.
I feel like a great injustice has been done to my friend James and I want closure. I want justice. The day I discovered he’d attempted suicide my insides turned to jelly. When I found out what people on the internet and from the internet were doing to him, I literally felt sick. I love my friend James with all my heart and I hate what happened to him, but I cannot and will not sacrifice making my marriage work over something that happened nearly a decade ago and James has fully recovered from it. One lesson to take back from this is sometimes we don’t get that happy ending and there’s nothing we can do to change that. All the rallying and digging in the world isn’t going to change that injustice. Beating a dead horse isn’t going to make that horse get up and drink from the stream you lead it to.
Sometimes it’s best to walk away from a battle if you survived. James survived. I survived. Our friendship survived. It’s time to walk away.