Poor Ron. I will traumatise him yet!
Today he came over with some notes for tomorrow’s class. Because we really have to go over this if we want to pass. He kept checking his phone, a BlackBerry, and eventually asked me if I had a charger anywhere that he could borrow. I said sure, in the drawer under my bed there was a cloth bag with an assortment of chargers in it. Just take what he needed and use the outlet there in the bedroom. I then remembered that I store something sensitive in there, and hurried after him. He had the bag out and was poking it. “Something’s moving around in there,” he said and untied the bag. “Ron, wait!” I said.
Right then my husband came home with his father. At the same time, Ron reached into my charger bag and pulled out one of my toys. Not just a good toy, but the Clone-A-Willie; an exact duplicate of my husband’s, well……willie. Ron looked shocked. I grabbed the toy from him. Just then my father-in-law came over to the bedroom doorway. “What’s going on in here?!” he demanded. “Nothing!” I replied and shoved the toy in the desk drawer. “Wut do you got there?! Cigarettes? Did you bring her cigarettes?” he asked Ron, who was in shock and petrified. “No!” I replied.
My husband escorted his father to the kitchen. My father-in-law was making all kinds of suggestions as to what I was hiding: Alcohol, a positive pregnancy test, marijuana. My husband came back to investigate. “What is it?” he asked. I opened the desk drawer and showed him. He grinned. “Yeah dad, she totally smokes that!” he called out to his dad and left the bedroom. I sighed and plugged in Ron’s phone.
“What was that? Do you use that?! You do, don’t you! I can’t believe you do that with that!” Ron said. I rolled my eyes. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m married. Not only do I do that with that, but I also do that with a real one at least three times a week! And I LIKE IT!” I replied. Ron’s eyes widened. “That’s…! You sit next to me!” he protested. “You’ll live,” I replied.
I don’t know what he thought. A married woman with kids, how could she have had penis! I’ve got to stop making friends with virgin men. They’re all … goofy. On the weirder side, Ron didn’t even stay and study. He just couldn’t be in the presence of perverts who touch genitals, and he was in so much of a hurry to get out of here before his own genitals got used, that he left his BlackBerry charging on my dresser. I guess I’ll just have to take it to him in the morning.