Has anyone else ever saw a calendar like this before? One that ends in August?
My Jewish friend, Josh, sent it to me in February. Ironically, I came down with strep shortly after, but that was a coincidence, right? When the calendar ran out today, I asked the simple question: Why? His response? “According to Jewish law, the world ends tonight at midnight. Since you’re not a Jew, you’ll blissfully think there’s a tomorrow. Good luck with that.” And you guys think I’m weird.
My doctor has bullied me back into taking Metformin. The drug that caused my near-fatal accident in April. Again, that was just a coincidence. Having a blood glucose level in the teens just an hour after taking the nasty pills was totally coincidental. This time, he has told me that if I refuse to take the pills, I won’t be getting out of the mental hospital. He says this is for my own good, but after I took the first pill today, I threw up. There goes my $5000 caps. My dentist has told me that if I keep throwing up, he’s going to drop me as a patient. My physician tells me if I don’t continue to take this medicine that causes me to throw up, he will have me committed.
I was actually happy when I went to see him today. I’ve lost four dress sizes and I’m down 50 lbs. I just have the numbness and pain in my leg. I assumed that when I went to see him today, he’d see that I was serious about losing weight and focus on my pain. Nope. He questioned me about taking the Metformin. Although my three-month blood sugar test was pretty good, it was a 5, he’s hell-bent on me taking a medication that I am having serious reactions to.
Later on today, I had the signs and symptoms of a low blood sugar. It happened around dinner time. I snuck some food before dinner, and ate a little too fast, and it all came up. My husband assumes the worst: That I am pregnant (poor guy is VERY forgetful when he’s on pain killers). Chloe actually chimed in and said she hoped she was getting another little sister. No! No more babies! Hayley is just now sleeping longer than an hour at a time! Besides, I hate being pregnant.
Right now I don’t know what to do. I’m going to try to wait it out. See what happens after I get my insurance through my work. Then it’s kiss this doctor goodbye! Let him experiment on other people. I’m tired of being his guinea pig.
My husband may or may not need to go to the hospital this evening.
Hopefully I’ll be able get my hands on a computer and keep everyone updated.
Warm thoughts?
A Day About Nothing
I wonder why Doc Mick upped my medication from Vicodin to Oxy? I have not taken any, too scared of the unknown side effects, but I’m curious as to why he’d do something like that. He also just gave me a bottle of Oxy in his office yesterday, in case I couldn’t make it to the drug store. I have a headache right now, but the hard parts are over. I won’t be needing anymore surgeries or procedures done for another year. I’m really happy about that. Does it mean that I’m getting well? The doctors I have rarely tell me anything. Doc Mick just drugs me and tells me to close my eyes and ‘not watch’ the procedures. But my morbid curiosity takes over, and I watch. This has annoyed him in the past, and he ups my dosages. I go back to see him Monday to get the stitches pulled. Then it’s over. I don’t go back for another year or so. Lucky, lucky me. I finally find a doctor who takes my pain seriously and gives me treatments that actually work and I can only see him once a year. That’s a good thing, I hope.
The weather has been strange here. It was “cold” yesterday and today. 68 was the high. For August, that’s not bad. It was October weather in the middle of summer. I’m torn between shutting the air conditioner off and turning it on after having a hot flash. The weather has made me restless. My sudden lack of pain has made me energetic. I want to go out and play in the nice weather while I can, but I devoted myself to solving the problems at home, first.
My monkeys have transformed to monsters. They trash the house. Let the dogs out the front door, where there’s no fenced yard. Turn the pet rat loose in the house. Dump food out of the cabinets and ice box. Dump trash out of the cans. Pull the sheets off mommy’s bed. Chloe even unplugged my bed; in both areas, and when I laid down today, water gushed out of the mattress all over me! All of them, except for Hayley, are acting up. No amount of sending them to their rooms or locking things up seem to help. When all else fails, they tear up the carpet and peel the wall paper off the walls. This transformation has come because mommy and daddy are mad at each other and they can feel the tension. They’ve guessed that if mommy and daddy are mad at them, we can’t be mad at each other anymore. It’s brilliant, really. They have outsmarted and out numbered us, and their plan worked. For now. There are deeper issues that have to be surfaced, and those issues aren’t going to be resolved overnight, nor will they be solved in front of the kids. We’re going to talk about this. Not tonight, because I’ve got a migraine starting, but soon.
I joined Digg. Add me?
Morning Blues
In case anyone was wondering, this is what was hurting me yesterday/is still hurting me today:
See those teeth? They were cracked last week when I was hit in the face with the text book that fell out of my closet. The dentist told me that I could tell him “what really hit me in the face” and if it was “really a text book or a fist” but I’m sticking to my text book story. In the long run, the text book can’t deprive me of things I need, should this get any worse.
I’m on Vicodin, antibiotics, and I can’t eat. The pain is just that bad. I need several root canals to fix the problem, but I just can’t get them done yet. I’m already taking double the pain medication, and I’m already building up a tolerance to it. I’ve taken double the dose today, and I’m going to try to go to work like this. It should make for an interesting day.
Taking the morning meds caused a lot of pain, even though I took them with room-temperature water:
Think that’s enough pills? That’s not even all of them. I’m missing two of my prescriptions and I doubt that I will be getting them any time soon because we have all this drama to go through. I imagine with the pain I’m having, and the lack of a blood pressure pill, my blood pressure is back up to 300/250. Yes, it gets that high.
Dennis is repeating things the LOLCow has said to me. Apparently, he was listening in on part of my phone conversation yesterday, and he went apeshit over OMG, me talking about things that apparently happened “years ago”, despite the LOLCow making the same pathetic threats that all the other losers eventually make (calling the JAG on me, and so fourth). It was amusing this morning when my alarm went off; it’s a ring tone that’s like an old phone ringer. He ran over to the phone to see who was calling me at this hour, and the joke was on him: It was just a ring tone. Still, to end some of the drama, I deleted the alarm. Is it wrong that I just want this to all be over?
Oh, and I’m a shitty mother. I told my autistic eight year old step son not to be horrible this morning because he was singing at the top of his lungs, and now he won’t talk again. It’s going to be one of those days. Why haven’t the narcotics kicked in yet?
Home Again
Boss sent me home at noon. He says I’m of no benefit, making gel runs through tears. Says that I have his sympathy, but I need to get it together. Go home, make a doctor appointment before my scheduled appointment. I did. I can’t get in sooner than the 22end. Ridiculous, since my consultation appointment is the 19th. What am I going to do? The pain is unbearable, and I just have one-half of a Lortab left. Doctor Asshole won’t call me in any pain relief. Told me to take Tylenol. I said I was taking that. He told me to lose weight. Um, fuck you.
I called Keith back and asked him what should I do? I can’t get any pain relief, I can’t go to the ED because I have an existing balance there, and I can’t get an appointment until waaay after the already scheduled physical. He said not to worry; he was not planning on replacing me, just focus on getting well. That would be great, if I could do that. Right now all I can think of is the pain in my cheek, the pain in my leg, and the pain radiating across my abdomen. What’s worse than the pain is the despair; I cannot see relief in sight at all. I just lay in bed sobbing or sitting at the table, sobbing. Tylenol masks the pain for ten minutes, and I find myself reaching for another dose, despite the fact that I am at the limit of safe doses.
My doctor is a paradox. He says I have liver failure, but he will not provide me with pain relief beyond Tylenol. Take Tylenol, take Tylenol, take Tylenol! That’s all I ever hear from him! Tylenol only works for a few minutes! So he tells me to take more! Um, if I take more, that’s going to advance the liver failure! He says no. Whatever. No one knows more than him, right? After all, weight loss is a cure-all for him. Asshole. I want a new doctor. And I want one now. Stupid insurance won’t let me have one, though, and no other doctors here will take me on, for some strange reason.
Rain, I don’t mind
I’m waiting on Mark to get here to take me to the Apple store. He was supposed to leave work at 6pm, but he’s late, late, LATE. He’d be late to his own funeral. I shouldn’t say that. 
For anyone who didn’t get any frantic text messages from me yesterday/last night, Doc Dan took away my car keys and license because of my head injury and the pink pills I’m taking to keep food down. Other than that, he put me on a hormone therapy because apparently, my lack of internal reproductive organs is messing up chemicals in my brain and neurons, and my other hormones are not ready for the ‘change of life’ hormones.
So what happened to me?
Tuesday night, I went in search of forbidden objects. Mostly my nephew’s things that still make me cry, two years after the fact. I found a plastic bin of his things on the shelf in my closet, and had to stand on a small chair to even pull the bin off the shelf. I lost my balance, fell onto the floor, and while I was sitting there, trying to recover, I was whacked in the head with a 2000+ page, hard-cover organic chemistry text book. It was my text book. WTF. I knew my research was dangerous, but I didn’t know it was that dangerous.
Yesterday, I was dizzy and vomiting. At 10:30 in the morning, I had an appointment with Doc Dan. He was at the Cancer Center all the way across town. Seeing the lumps and bumps on my head, he ordered a CT. The results were injuries. He immediately took my car keys, my driver’s license, and said I had to call for a ride home. We then discussed hormone therapy and my other tests.
I called every single local person in my phone, and at 8:40pm, right when Doc Dan was coming back with my papers to admit me to a hospital for the night, Mark comes walking in, and announced he was my ride. Doc Dan remarked that my ‘husband’ had gained weight, height and 20 years in the past six months. He was kidding. Mark didn’t take it so lightly.
Mark had to practically carry me into my house. I ended up dashing to the bathroom to wash off the cop smell (haha). He offered to stay the night, but I assured him my 73 year old father-in-law was a good enough baby sitter for me. I did beg for a ride to the Apple store today and a ride to the post office tomorrow. He said he’d be here. That was nearly 24 hours ago.
All night long I vomited and took pink pills. Pills that were supposed to stop the sickness, but seemed to make it worse. More than once the dizziness woke me up. Confusion clouded my mind, and I often woke up thinking I was in a hospital room. My husband was gone all night long with his band. He came dragging ass home at 5am, and never noticed that I was sick. I guess this in itself pisses me off more so than the harasser emailing me today. But what do I know? I feel better, if anyone cares.
My husband is out with his band mates right this minute, so here I sit. Alone. Dizzy. And waiting.
Jour malade
I’m surprised I’ve made it this far. I woke up sick, I’ve been feeling ill all day. Considering “all day” is roughly three hours, it still feels like it’s been an eternity. I have chest pains. I feel like I am going to throw up at any minute. I have an appointment with Doc Dan, because my extensive tests are in, but that won’t be for another six hours. I don’t know if I can hang in that long. I have to. Working in this condition really sucks. I wish there was something I could do, but my boss told me that unless I pass out, I can’t go home. I wonder if that applies if I puke? It’s not like there’s any work to do. We’re just hanging out, doing reports, and waiting for something to come in. For the first time that I have had this job, we’re not bogged down with crime case evidence. One of my co-workers joked that we solved all the crimes in town. Right. I’m sure we did.
Think happy thoughts for me. I will get through this!
And here I am at the after hours clinic. I have been bounced from blood lab to xray to lab and back again. Chest xrays, more blood drawn, and my blood sugar was below 50. Not to mention the good doctor sent me to a vacant lot for after hours care before I ame here.
See you all in the morning?
Jamie aka: The being known as Wonder Girl, 30, mother of four, wife to one, she is a senior biomedicine student who is learning to fit in in the world around her. After nearly three decades on this planet, she still doesn't know where she belongs. Best friend of Matt, sarcastic, spoiled, apathetic, kutie brat, babe. Just your average woman, living in a not-so-average world, surviving by her incredible super power of being able to see right through you while
accomplishing more tasks than you ever thought imaginable. She is the being known as Wonder Girl and she is speaking, I believe. More? Aren't you brave!
