Life – ☆ comatised.com | february stars ★

Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

February 20th, 2011 by Echos

Turning Points

Health, Illness, Life, Relationships, Self Improvement Comments Off

About a week ago, I stopped taking protonix. I had an ulcer, and horrible, constant heart burn to go with it. I had been heart burn free since the third day on protonix. Last night, that heart burn came back with a vengeance and very little would stop it. Of course, I blame this on my sudden re-introduction to vanilla coke, but I can’t be sure. I haven’t eaten yet today, and from the looks of how things are going, I probably won’t.

When the past is drudged up, it depresses me. I thought for the longest of time that I was done grieving from what happened to me, but it doesn’t appear to be that way. It seems that I just forgot what happened, pushed it out of my mind, and that’s where it stayed. Being re-introduced to the pain that I suffered from has torn me apart. The What ifs and How It Should Have Beens have been running through my mind constantly. Crying doesn’t help. I’ve cried for many things. The pain I suffered. The sacrifices I was going to make. The life Evan never had. The love I could never give Robert. The second guessing of the life I have now. Tears don’t help these things. Would I have really been happier if things turned out differently? If I were the mother of a teenage son, now, no college degree, unwed and still assisting my father in his computer lab? Would my sister have killed herself? Would Evan have resented me for raising him as a single mom?

Maybe I would be happy, if that had been my life. I never thought I was unhappy, with what I have now, until I sat down and evaluated where I was going years ago. Who knows? Maybe I would have ended up marrying someone else, and Dennis would have been happier than he is now.

Or maybe I’ve just been putting up with shite people far too long.

February 4th, 2011 by Echos

3.1

Among the Stars, And We'll Have Fun Fun FUN!, Health, Life, Meaningless Trends, Medical, Nostalgia, On My Mind, Photos, Pictures! Comments Off

I upgraded. If anything is out of whack, email me and tell me about it. If not, just sit back and enjoy the ride.

My hosts finally responded to my tickets: Apparently, it was a DOS attack. Oh really? They say that all the time. I closed the ticket anyway. I don’t care why I had downtime, just that it happened. I have a dreaded feeling that my hosts are going to be shutting down soon, and this is going to be my last year with them. I haven’t found a new host. I’m open for suggestions, I really am!

In the meant time, we have record-breaking, historic weather here. Over 18″ of snow, and two more inches fell today. Another couple of storms are on their way. This is wonderful. I have no way to get out and pay the utilities. I have no way to get out and get food. The utilities are run by heartless, faceless bastards, who don’t care that I am snowed in. Snow-ins don’t happen in this part of the country. But this is Global Warming at its finest. Yes, Global Warming exists, and no, it doesn’t have to do with the world getting hotter. It means extreme climate changes. I’d say that two feet of snow in a normally tropical part of the globe is an extreme change. The scary part? I can remember when this never happened. Hell, just ten years ago, there wasn’t that much snow here.

I also ordered a Titan Compact e-cig kit from totallywicked-eliquid.com and a silver Personal Charging Case. I want to stop smoking for my heart. I’ve already had one heart attack, and I was lucky enough to just have had a minor one. Plus, there are far more benefits from an e-cig than analogues. One would be this weather. I can’t get out to buy cigarettes in this snow, but if I had an e-cig, I could easily just refill it. I’ve been researching them since I was hospitalised last month. I think this is going to work. I’m super excited to be getting the kit. Then I’m going to slowly build my collection of e-cigs. I want to try Totally Wicked’s unflavoured liquid. I’ve heard it’s pretty good.

Today’s Chris’ birthday. I wonder if they have birthday parties in Heaven?

January 20th, 2011 by Echos

lookbook.nu

Friends, Health, internet, Life, Meaningless Trends, Medical, On My Mind 5 Comments

I opened up a lookbook.nu out of sheer boredom:

Add me or whatever.

I’m going home tomorrow. I just filled out 16 pages of release forms, signed papers, and filled out more and more information. I am lucky. This could have been much more than I feared. Be nice to Matt. He’s been going around doing my drops for the past couple of nights. He’s amazing. But still, be nice to him.