Archive for the ‘Living with Death’ Category
Some day when they’re mentioned, tears won’t come to my eyes. Some day when I think of something funny they said, the sadness won’t overwhelm me. Some day when I see something they might have liked and pick up my phone to call them, I won’t have to stop and think, “Oh, they’re dead.”
Some day…
There was a rainstorm today. Just a bolt of lightening, then a squirt of rain from the clouds above. Then a downpour. Before I got home, the sun was shining on the other side of the street. I waited for the rainbow, but it never came. Aren’t rainbows supposed to come after the rain? I put up with the rain, where’s my rainbow?
My pharm 3 professor accidentally triggered me today. Stupid gas laws. Can’t the world of chemistry do with out it? Just to make room for my feelings? I didn’t start crying until after I was home. After the rain. Before the rainbow. I’m still waiting for that rainbow.
I called Matt back finally. He didn’t answer. I got his voice mail. I asked him to call me back. He hasn’t yet.
My love song came on at 6:42pm, and I cried over it too. I was tripped at school and fell into a mud puddle. I cried over that. I cried when I got to class and found all my notes were ruined by the moisture. I cried when I took my bag out of the dryer to find the mud stains baked into it.
He sang me my love song during the heaviest rain fall. By the time the song was over, the rain had let up to nearly non-existent. My heart still felt heavy, but my soul had healed.
Today was a day of tears, but it wasn’t sad. It’s one less day of tears I will have to go through. There’s always a rainbow. Even if we can’t see it after the rain.
{{Pictures}}
I still love this picture. I don’t know why:

Little plastic pig keychain I got at the career fair. They had blue and clear. I picked blue but told myself that I’d take a blue one then come back for a clear one after class. By the time class ended, the clear ones were all gone. Actually, so were all the blue ones. Live and learn.

Sun shines through the rain:

I found this while I was looking through my Flickr account for something else:

ETA: to the “person” who commented: ‘it’s been two months….dude get over it!’ I would like to point out that death is something that people just don’t ‘get over’. There is no set time for grieving and there is no set time to be ‘over’ a child’s death. I don’t think I’m supposed to be ‘over it’ in two months. My nephew has been dead nearly a year, and I still cry when I stumble upon his pictures. My brother-in-law’s mother has been dead 12 years and he still cries over her death. When you love someone, there is no limit to how long you can miss them. Especially when their deaths were caused from a terrible disease that has cursed all of human existence. Oh, and no, your ‘comment’ wasn’t approved, and signing another name to it didn’t hide who you were–I searched for your IP, and back in May you were all sympathies. It’s my blog. I will grieve as long as I want and I will blog about it as long as I want. You don’t have to read it, even if you’re just here to drop and run via EntreCard. So now I’ve banned your IP from commenting. If you want to apologise, I may unban your IP from commenting. For now you can still view my site and drop your precious EC and get that 1 credit per day you get from my blog. But I can go into mega-bitch mode and ban you all together.