Before I get to posting all that has been going down with life, I want to apologise to anyone who is having trouble with this site. I think I need to optimize the data bases and then do a clean install of WordPress. I noticed that my archives are missing, but people are still able to see the entries. I think I need to cut back on the Plugins.
Last night, Chloe lost her first tooth. She was just as excited as I was about this, and I told her that the Tooth Fairy would be bringing her something awesome in exchange for her tooth. I wasn’t sure what to get her. She talks as though she wants her daddy to come home. That’s something that just can’t happen. I was saddened by her request, and fell asleep fitfully, and partially in tears. I woke up late this morning and had to rush around and get ready for work, and to drop her off at school. Getting home later than I thought, since I had to stay an extra hour at work to grade mid terms that were today, I didn’t have time to pick up anything for Chloe. She really laid on the guilt trip about how the Tooth Fairy was a huge disappointment. I almost regretted telling her about it, when we were pulling into the drive way, and there was a box on the front porch.
Inside the box was a professional digital camera for me and a $50 iTunes gift card. Dennis had sent us a care box! I handed Chloe the iTunes gift card and told her it was from the Tooth Fairy. She gave me a big hug, and hurried inside to start downloading things to her iPod. Nice save, dear.
The new camera I have is supposed to have an 18x zoom, 14 mega pixels, Super Macro, and an HD video recorder. In other words, pure awesome-ness. I finally have a high-definition video camera! I have wanted a professional camera for so long! However, in the words of my friend Josh, there’s always the after thought that the reason my photos and videos suck has nothing to do with the camera I shoot with. Much like why my graphics and HTML is awful, neither Photoshop nor Dreamweaver and ultimately Creative Suite, did not help me any there, a professional camera will not help my photography and video skills. I am just neither creative nor talented in any of the five aspects that the more successful people online are. I have played around with the camera a little bit, and I was able to take a perfect panoramic photo with it, and some good Super Macro shots, some extreme zoomed shots. The quality of the images are a little low. I like the quality of my CoolPix better, but maybe I just need to play around with this one a little more.
The shapes of the photos are not like the CoolPix. They are a little more wider. I have some samples that I am going to post at the end of the entry.
I decided to test it out on the dogs and the boys as they played today. I also tested the zoom on the machine at the end of our back yard. There are so few photos that are actually good enough for me to post online. I can’t wait to try out the video recorder!
After Chloe got her iTunes downloads and I had played with my camera a little, I went out shopping to buy some new clothes for work. I bought three new blouses: a long-sleeved green blouse, a short-sleeved blue blouse and a pink mole-skin blouse. I also picked up two new pairs of jeans, three sizes smaller than I remember needing. I picked up all of this at JC Penny, and spent nearly three hundred dollars, but I enjoyed the shopping trip. I also picked up Chloe’s Halloween and Christmas bears while I was at the mall. I think the new clothes look good on me. I have to wash them soon, before my mother ties up the washing machine again. I always like to wash my clothes before I wear them the first time. I think I am going to look really good when I go to work next week.
The weather was so nice out while I was shopping. It should stay this nice out all the time. My sinuses were clear, the air was a bit chilly, but not ice cold, and the skies were clear blue. Tonight the stars are out dancing in the black velvet sky. I am not really sleepy, but I am going to bed soon. I want to stay awake and try out different patterns with my new clothes and have Nick take photos of me in them! But then what could I do with the photos? It’s not like I can put them online, my harasser would steal them. Well, maybe I could put them on Facebook…
Okay, on with the pics so I can clean up tonight and get ready for bed. I bought a new Asian cherry blossom and ginseng shampoo and conditioner set at JC Penny while I was clothes shopping, and I’m really eager to try it out, even if my hair is just ultra-short and spiky. I need to sit down and bleach my hair again. When my hair is this short, it looks better bleached. I don’t know why. Red hair just doesn’t look good spiked on me. I’m thankful that it has stopped falling out..
Randomness: Can anyone else tell that I had a pain-free day and I am happy to be alive? Well I did and I am. There are so many days that I have gone through with either chronic, everlasting pain, and/or sickness that all I can do is get up, go to work, come home, and lounge in bed for a few hours, interacting with my family from the bed. It was getting worse and worse, and then I broke my toe, and then today I had a good day. A good day and some sunshine!
Just photos today, guise. I broke my toe a week ago, and I still don’t feel like talking about it. It was the break-down I had on Twitter on September 24th. I’ll write about it some day, I guess. I’m too depressed and beaten down to write about it right now. I took photos of my toe, the trip to the urgent care clinic that I had to sneak to get to go, and some questionable decorating I did yesterday.
The hallway in radiology:
My ID bracelet:
They screwed up my birthday:
Inside the x-ray room:
The meds I was given for the broken toe and the MRSA that is raging through my blood stream:
The broken toe.
15 minutes after it was broken, on Saturday the 24th:
The morning of September 26th, when I snuck out to the clinic:
The walking shoe cast they gave me:
Domestic violence for seeing a doctor:
The perp of the violence poured bleach on Dennis’ antique quilt when they found out I had gone to a clinic to get my toe checked out. So I had to put this on the bed when I made it yesterday:
It looks like a Pepto Bismol bottle threw up on the bed. Dennis is not going to like that.
With the weather getting cooler, and the days getting shorter, I actually have the strength to go shopping and do some work around my house. I’d love to get some favourite fall and winter recipes from anyone who wants to share. I also need some good ideas for mystical fall layouts. I have a really good layout that I have not used in a long time; not as a WordPress layout, anyway. I think the last time I used it was when I was actually hand-coding for Greymatter and MovableType. How long ago was that?? Anyway, any ideas will be appreciated. I know all about Google, but I’d like to have some live feedback from people who enjoy my site. So I am open to tons of feedback on this.
I am posting a photo of my wedding band here. It’s supposed to simulate falling stars and one star for every year Dennis and I loved each other before getting married. I love it to death, even if it doesn’t quite reach to my palm.
My new and improved Fentanyl patch. It’s smaller and I don’t need to apply tape to it, so there’s no itching, no burning, and no crinkling. I can’t even feel it. I love these smaller patches! I may never go back to my old patches.
I found out the hard way that my watch glows in the dark.
Finally, the new fall candles. I love the Autumn Leaves. It really smells like spicy, wet, fallen leaves in the fall. I want to get a bigger jar of it when I can get back out to the candle shop.
I saw some clothes that I want to buy in the next few weeks or so. They’re awesome. I really need to get ready for the trip to New Orleans. Physically ready, that is. I am excited to be going, because that’s where I’m spending my anniversary with Dennis at. Perfect present, if you ask me.
Smile! It’s a beautiful day out! It’s good to be alive.
The trip to James’ apartment was a quiet one. He didn’t ask why I raced away from my brother-in-law, and I didn’t offer anything. I kept glancing out the window at the sun setting over Manhattan, wondering what the next day was going to bring. I didn’t want to go to the conference. I didn’t want to get out there and accept an award package for my husband. Why couldn’t he do it? The big city doesn’t scare me, even when I am alone. Even if James had not been there. I have walked down those streets at dusk and back, several blocks, and I never once was mugged, raped or murdered (obviously). But I didn’t like being there with my memories, haunting memories, alone, in the city where it all happened. I thought of Paul and the life he never gave me because he was killed in the twin towers. I thought of the game my fellow bloggers and I played just two months before the towers fell. I thought of many things as we crept along the crowded streets. Much of it wasn’t very positive. I remember these things for a reason, and that reason is because I was happy then, and I know I will never be able to do them again.
James’ grandmother was waiting for us at the apartment. His two little boys were parked on the living room floor, playing with an assortment of toys. “We don’t have an extra bedroom,” he said, quietly. I smiled. “I don’t mind sleeping with you.” Yes, it was just as suggestive as I intended it to be. I won’t hide it. I’m a little attracted to James. I always have been.
That night we slept with the windows open and the cool night air drifting over us. I love James’ bedroom. It has three large windows with the headboard of the bed underneath the middle window, the other two curved ever so slightly, as the room curves. I love it. We get a three-way breeze every night, and it seems that no matter which direction the wind blows, we get a good breeze. All of Manhattan twinkled below and above. I didn’t feel lost. I felt as if I were home. After sitting at James’ desk writing in my journal, I closed the book and laid down beside him. He was already asleep. The wooden antique bed was appropriately made with an antique quilt. I wasn’t used to sleeping in a standard bed. I kept waking up. I kept wondering if there was something more there.
The next morning found us at Ground Zero, as slide shows and speeches commenced. When The World Stopped Turning was played. Billy and I received our packets. I returned immediately to James’ side as to not give in to Billy’s begging of forgiveness. Many tears were shed there. James remembered his camera, and took many photos. I remembered Paul’s photos from the slide show. They were donated for the project. The View from the 100th Floor of the World Trade Center.
Photos © 2000 Paul B. Used without permission, for non-profit. Credit Paul if you use these photos anywhere else online.
I indulged a little on the trip. NYC pizza. Bagels. There are just some things that I will always love about the place, that will always keep me coming back. James is a big part of that, but he’s not the only reason. I made it a point to remove my Fentanyl patch before going, and James noticed the marks and scars left behind. How could he not? We explored and loved each other that night, with the windows wide open. It ended peacefully, and I was happy. The next morning, James asked the question he always asks me: “When are you going to marry me? I’ve been waiting eleven years.” I smiled and said when the time was right. I don’t know if the time will ever be right.
That’s what in vivo narcotics does to a person.
I promised James I would be back. He gave me a soft kiss before I borded the plane. I know he watched the plane take off. Whisk me away, far away, as my eyes kept gazing on the bracelet on my right wrist..
I want to open my photo blog, Pixie.nu, again, and I thought that simply paying a friend’s bill on Dreamhost would reactivate my account, but alas, it’s gone. All my entries, all my photos, all my information, wiped clean. This really depresses me. I thought they were better hosts than that. What’s really wrong is that I did not know when the hosting was up on the account. So I did not know when to pay up the account. Lesson learned, I guess. In October, or earlier, I am going to get my own Dreamhost account and host my photo blog, my brother-in-law’s site, and anyone else in our family or circle of friends sites that needs hosting. Besides my site, I lost my designs and photos. That really upset me. Losing my personal parts of my site really made me cry. I’ve never cried over virtual things before, but I did those things. I guess it would be the same as if I lost my computer or phone. The money that the item cost would be nothing compared to the memories via media inside it.
Random images from work today:
That title is supposed to be empowering. I took out the bedroom air conditioner, cleaned it, and re-did the entire tape up job on it that I had previously done, just to put it back in the window and re-tape the front so more air can flow in and out. I think I did a pretty good job. I also took a little break from that to snap pictures of the scenery from the downstairs bedroom window. It is absolutely beautiful outside. We got some rain before the break in the heat, and everything came back to life outside. It’s as if we’re experiencing a beautiful spring time. After that, I hooked up the Wii and the DVR again, then cleaned the floor, washed the bedding, washed Ziggy, all while having a pretty productive day at work too. I’m only writing home about this because I haven’t been able to clean my home for a looooong time. There are times when I cannot even bathe properly at the end of the day. But today I felt well enough to clean up a little. And I am a bit proud of myself for doing this. Go me!
Father In Law helping out with the air conditioner.
It looks much better! Works better, too!
My eyes are messed up today. I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol that I have increased in the past week, or the contact lenses that I wore overnight last night, because I am sick and tired of seeing the same pair of blue eyes staring back at me in the mirror. It’s making typing nearly impossible because I can’t see what I am writing! I won’t be wearing lenses for a loooooong time again!
I got my temporary cap changed over to a permanent one, and I was surprised that this time, the dentist gave me one that actually has the real feel of a tooth! I could easily forget about this cap because it really is like having a new tooth! Even the ridges that you grind food with on the top are real! The other cap I had was kind of flat, and I didn’t really like it. With the top cap being flat as well, it was easy to bite the edge of my tongue with the caps, and it reminded me that they were fakes. Now, I don’t have that problem! Well, not entirely, anyway. I got a slight overdose of the gas at the dentist’s office. I almost threw up. I felt like I was fading away, and I pulled the mask off. My head was spinning, and I was salivating like crazy. Still, I wanted to be knocked out because I didn’t want to feel any pain like I had the last time that I was there. So I took deep breaths through my nose and exhaled through my mouth, and I got waaaaay too much gas, and started fading quickly. Man, that was a little scary and fun at the same time. I wonder if I would have actually thrown up if the nurse hadn’t come in and saw that I was sweating and had pushed the nose mask off of my face?
Dennis called me yesterday, and let me know that he has a surprise for me for our sixth anniversary this year. I hope it’s something good! He’s working through our anniversary, so I hope that I get to go with him, where ever he goes that day, and that is the surprise for me! I hope that he’s not planning something sexual, because I’m still a little sore from the last sex-a-thon we had. There comes a time in every person’s life when they get too old to have twelve hours of sex at a time. When they need to stop and rest and heal up before going at it again. Dennis and I tried to go at it for twelve hours, but we just didn’t make it. Or, I didn’t, I should say. He seemed somewhat disappointed, but understanding at the same time, and I did say that we could try again during our anniversary this year. But I am hopeful that I get something more than sex for my anniversary. Like a new(er) car with air conditioning. *wink, wink* Or a new computer. *WINK* Maybe a better colour printer? *hint* A week away from the kids? *HINT HINT!!!!* Whatever it is, I’m sure that I will love it, no matter what.
Now I must finish my paper work and take a nap. I have 100 mcg of Fentanyl on, and it’s kicking my ass severely. My eyes are still messed up, so the writing on this page is all blurry. The paper work I’m finishing up is for my case with my old job. We’re going to trial on November 30th of this year, and I have to be prepared. I’ve already signed that I will be present at the hearing. I hope Lance goes because he was the most wrongfully let go of the three of us. He’s our legal leg we’re standing on.
Wish me luck. These legal papers are kind of hard to fill out. After I finish with the papers, I think I’ll return to the bottle. It’s been a very good friend to me this past week.