Thank you to everyone who sent me “Get well babe!” emails! Really! It’s the support of all the people who read my story that helps me get better. Anji commented the other day and said that I seem to be getting better. Well, I am. There were times that I fell from grace, but I bounced back, and I was forgiven for it, so that is no longer a storm cloud hanging over my head.
I do feel better than I did a few hours ago. Chloe and I were watching some of Dennis’ older film projects, and we came across some silly skits, and I made the mistake of letting her watch one. It was about a ghost Dennis played in the skit. The bad part was the other actors called him by name, and it showed the character dying. Chloe got upset and actually ran from the bedroom to find her daddy to make sure he wasn’t dead. Normally, she doesn’t react to videos like this! WTF.. I think she’s okay now, she’s sleeping in her bed.
For those of you who didn’t read the off-server blogspot blog, Dennis brought home some flowers a couple of nights ago. I’ll share the pictures here, too, just for those who can’t get enough of my weird photography.
Yes, that’s a THC pen on my desk. Who are you to judge me???
We put some in the kitchen. He brought home four bouquets, which really makes me wonder what he’s done… Yes, the theme in my kitchen was going to be “Sunflowers”, but you can see that we didn’t quite finish that thought.
Chloe wants me to post this next photo. It’s two of her toy aliens “mating”. Where she learned that concept, I can only imagine. But she thinks it’s hilarious, and she can’t start a blog of her own, so who am I to deny her internet fame?
That’s all for me tonight. I have to get to sleep for my evaluation starting at 8:45 in the morning. Pray and think warm thoughts! G’nite every body!
Anyone who gets the title of this post is either as weird as I am, or they were in my 10th grade chemistry class back in the early ’90s. If you don’t get it, maybe you will after you read this post.
So what have I been up to these past few days? Almost two weeks? Well….
I re-opened an old website, misheard some Donny Osmond lyrics, got caught keeping house with Nick, got forgiven for keeping house with Nick, got punched in the stomach by an adult man here in the ‘burbs, started a new journal, relaxed in bed with the dog and a new batch of pillows, was shocked by how quickly the weather turned summer, had a reaction to my Fentanyl patches, scanned my hands, was given a bookmark by Carl, possibly as some kind of a suck up present, and last but not least, scanned pictures, did research, and generally tried to relax before Dennis got home and I had to go back to work. I went back today, but I am off from the 7th through the 20th for my psych evaluation. Yes, I was asked to go in for a mandatory, involuntary psych evaluation, but I was told that I had a choice on when to pick to go in for this evaluation. What? Who the hell does that? My weird doctor, that’s who! Because I didn’t go that day, I have to be evaluated for a week or so. Fun times!
I went back to work today. Just shuffling through some paper work, getting set up for the summer semesters. I love the new professor that I am working under. He’s really easy going but brilliant. I want to train with him this fall. Carl, my co-worker who petitioned me to be evaluated in a psych facility because he was under the impression that I would lose my job and he could get all the praise again, was sucking up to me when I came in. He even gave me that bookmark as seen above. I guess he felt bad that I spent my summer vacation months getting a bone marrow transplant and struggling to survive. Asshole. His excuse? “I thought you were some kind of a psycho, popping pills and wearing patches!” Richard, the professor I am working under, asked him if there wasn’t some sharks that needed pickling. Carl just slunk off. Richard turned back to me and said I didn’t need that today. He was so right. Then he said, “For what it’s worth, I know you’re not insane. I had to be given the week-long psych evaluation when I was an assistant. It’s not so bad.” I actually smiled, and we continued to work through the writing schedules and paper filings. Richard liked the system that I had created for the essays. He says he’s going to use my writing schedule! All this time, I thought I was just putting down a rough draft!
Chloe is sick, throwing up, so I have to go tend to her. But here are some scans that I did yesterday. Enjoy!
Damn, it’s good to be back writing again!
My blog is on life support, and it’s 50% my fault. But only 50%. For you see, I am making the choice to keep it that way, and there’s really not that much to be said about it.
But I’ll try.
This isn’t a money thing. With the donations I’ve gotten from this site, and the fact that once Robert falls asleep after he comes and I have free range of his credit card and debit cards, it’s not that I can’t afford to renew the name or pay for hosting. I have enough money to keep this site registered and hosted for decades, granted the web scene doesn’t go belly up, and I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
It’s not that my hater(s)/harasser(s) have won. I’m not going anywhere, because simply put: Their harsh words towards me are just that: Words. They aren’t even true words, but they are words, nevertheless. They are words spoken to make those people feel better about themselves, and the only way they can do that is by putting people like me down, or exploiting their sick child. Which ever Twitter is easier for them to maintain at that given moment in their lives. One would think that after being labeled a paedophile, a whore, a thief, a liar, by one of the world’s most mentally ill people know to ever exist, that words from someone who has a sub-par education, limited vocabulary, and is a raging hypocrite, would be “intelligent” enough to know that they can’t even begin to penetrate my thick skin. I have accepted who I am, good or bad, and I’m happy with who I am. But they seem to have been absent on that day of class.
While both of the above would be reason enough for my site to go belly up, and would be my choice, they aren’t the cause. this is. Can’t see that itty, bitty warning because Flickr won’t give me free access after paying for it for FIVE STRAIGHT YEARS IN A ROW? It simply reads:
“Warning: Your server is running PHP version 5.1.6. WordPress 3.2 will require PHP version 5.2.4.
Once your host has upgraded your server you can re-activate the plugin to check again.”
And WordPress 3.2′s beta 1 was released last night. Yes, that’s it folks. My server is out of date and I’m such a lazy bitch (and I don’t want to deal with the hassles of getting a refund for this year’s hosting) that I’m not going to be changing hosts. I dunno if I’m going back to MovableType, or if this is a sign of the times that it’s time to retire from blogging. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing this so much I have an off-server blog and a super-secret journal that I keep just for shits and giggles. But my simplicity of not nagging my hosts to death to upgrade (let Wil-fucking-Wheaton do that…. oh wait, um, he’s already given up and moved his blog off the server!), and not looking for a new host (seriously?! I’ve been with these guys since 1999!!!), my blog’s days are limited.
But don’t despair! I’ll stay till the last dog dies! Just for your entertainment (and mine!). For now, here’s some (heavily photoshopped to make look vintage) photos for you to enjoy!
Today I feel sleepy. It started with dinner being a complete fail. Example?
Think they put enough cheese on that? That’s just ONE SLICE, too. I opted to feed the majority of it to the dog. I didn’t see any point in over eating the second day home.
Before The Great Pizza Fail, I managed to get to the store. I was out of pretty much everything. Soaps. Shampoo. Conditioner. I don’t know why I invested in hair care products. It’s just a matter of time before I have no more hair left to brush.
I won’t know the results of my tests and prognosis until May 9th. I promise to keep everyone posted. I won’t lay down on the job, I promise.
I am going to take a nap right now. All that cheese and putting away soaps has made me sleepy.
We got a hail storm last night. It woke me up.
Chloe’s Easter candy:
My fingers are still dyed green and blue from the Easter egg dying last night. I loved it! I don’t know my current health status, and I won’t until Monday. Which sucks. For what it’s worth, I feel fine. All that is wrong with me is I am shedding huge amounts of hair every night. I find more and more hair in the drain. When I brushed my hair Thursday night, huge clumps of hair came out in my brush. I had to clean the brush and throw the hair away every other stroke. Finally, I gave up on brushing my hair.
Friday I felt really good. I was able to get out of bed and drive around Texas. I even drove the family to the Alamo. We had such a good time there. We got home last night, completely back to the city. Nick kissed me good bye, and him and his daughter drove off into the dark velvet of night. I’m going to miss him. I hate being the only adult around here with a house full of kids, but that is my life, right? Tomorrow Chloe goes back to school, and it’s just me and the boys here.
Maybe I can get back to making my video game reviews and get some other things in order. I’ll be going back to see a doctor on May 9th, and I will know if I need to continue with treatment, or if this eighteen month dance with cancer has finally come to an end. I’m tired. I want to sit the next one out. But I can still smile.
Because of my sickness from the previous week, I was hospitalised again. Thrown in isolation, and kept on a strict diet of liquids while passing colossal sized mucous. I’ve still been waking up with more mucous and a sore throat every day, but I was discharged and I’m not interested in going back any time soon! One of the worst things I had to go through was isolation. While I got so many things done, I was alone most of the time. People wouldn’t even call me, let alone visit me. I was hungry. I wanted something to eat that wasn’t hospital food. I was put on medications that I don’t feel I need, even to this day. Thorazine. Fentanyl upgrades. Where did I express that I needed either of those?? Thorazine makes me feel weird, and upgrading the Fentanyl just makes me feel sick to my stomach. But I got some things done while I was holed up in isolation. Things I normally wouldn’t want to do because I’d rather be out and about than stuck inside. A short list:
1. Heard Nick’s two new songs.
2. Watched the videos to said songs.
3. Wrote reviews to be submitted for publishing in June for both songs and videos.
4. Finished the kitty cat journal sent to me by the fabulous SparkleCat.
5. Ate my weight in chocolate provided by Nick.
6. Finished A Wrinkle In Time.
7. Started A Wind in the Door.
8. Finished A Wind in the Door.
9. Started Many Waters.
10. Started a new journal.
11. Was re-introduced to The Cars, Mr. Mister, and other hauntingly beautiful 80′s songs.
Is that enough? Want some pictures?
I am scheduled to see an anesthesiologist for my pain. I’m supposed to be getting ready for the trip, which is about four to five hours. But I decided to slip away and update this site to let everyone know that I am alive, feeling better, and on the slow road to recovery. I will survive this.
I almost forgot to post today.
I’ve been “home” for a couple of days now. I still don’t have the strength to post all that has happened, other than I feel like shit, and the heartburn has returned full blast. I wish there was a way I could get rid of it forever. I also owe my brother more than I can ever pay him back. If he hadn’t made that donation of marrow, I wouldn’t have lived much longer. The goal now is to keep me alive for as long as possible. Pain free, that is. I was put on the Fentanyl patch (oooo….! 24 hours of opioid!) and I’ve started another steno book with goals to clean out my house once I am physically able to. My left knee is hurting so bad, but I can’t get to the doctor until I pay $6,000 in back bills. I guess I let the surgeries and things just pile up. Shame on me. At least the weather is warmer. Perhaps I can go to my real home soon. I hope so, anyway.
I’m sleepy, so I will leave you with some pictures. Be nice to Matt on EntreCard. He’s doing my drops for me these days!
What in the world did Matt do to my bed?
Slept in it, of course! No picture of the bed is complete without the dog crashed in the middle of the mess.
Good bye, March. The final sunsets for March 2011:
Smile! This world is really a beautiful place!