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April 28th, 2010 by Echos

Garder Vos Yeux Sur Les Etoiles

Last year we revisited my past of 19 years ago. Today, I have known my husband for twenty years. We started out as childhood friends and then progressed to teenage lovers. It wasn’t over night, and we’ve traveled down a long, winding road that was full of forks, full of bumps, full of hardships. But we overcame it all. I don’t know many people who can say they still have someone in their lives they met when they were nine years old.

Normally, I’m anticipating anniversaries long before they happen, birthdays too. But this year I was so focused on something else that I didn’t even notice that it was our anniversary until my husband came in and told me he had reservations for us. We’re going to go out for dinner and then have a night alone. I wonder if we’re going to try for a new record No more deprivation for me!

Before I slip off into the night of a thousand pleasures, I should post a picture of the huge spider that stalked me today:

I think it was poison. I didn’t kill it, but I scooped it in a bowl and tossed it out the front door. I haaaate spiders! I hate dealing with spiders. I hate dealing with any animal (bug, reptile) that is in a category with poisonous members. I don’t mind wild mice, rats, dogs, cats, but poison reptiles and bugs? Yep, that’s right there at the top of my list of things to avoid.

The baby sitter is secured. We’re off for the night. Don’t wait up.

April 8th, 2010 by Echos

Milestones

Adventures, Depression, Family, Friends, Kids, Life, Married Life, Pictures!, Relationships, Shop-a-holic Adventures Depression Family Friends Married Life Pictures! Comments Off

Long day today.

I accomplished something I think was a huge step: I drove again for the first time. It’s been a little over a week, and by a little I mean down to just a few hours, since I’ve driven a car. It was Lance’s car. It was dusk when we piled in. I was a little scared, and he put on Wham! songs. I just can’t be depressed listening to Wake Me Up Before You Go Go. It’s not natural for me. We went to buy my husband something for his birthday. I’d taken Chloe along because she really wanted to buy her daddy something for his birthday. She’s been saving up pennies and money we’ve found in the streets, and she had all of $3.24. I felt a little sad at her for thinking she could get anything for her daddy with that little amount of money. Maybe a Starbucks small coffee? He’d sure like that, though!

I’m not going to tell what I bought my man, because it’s wrapped and I’ve been getting weird hits from a local IP, but I have a picture:

Cute, no?

At school, it was free t-shirt day. I got one for my dad. I’m going to take it over to him tomorrow. I got this little bear, too:

I named him “Danny Bear” after my (asshole!) doctor. But only because my doctor’s vanity plates read: “DannyBoi” in some variation. It makes me giggle and roll my eyes at the same time.

I’m sure that sooner or later the bad part of today is going to circulate somewhere. I shared with some of my close friends, but we all know how emails get passed around like …. prison currency, right? Especially if they contain something juicy. Which mine did. I will say that I am being emotionally tortured, and I can’t tell anyone that I normally can because they’re all busy with my husband’s birthday. Even his ex is in town, in our house right now, making him a birthday cake. My back was against the wall and I did something stupid. I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted some relief. I’m not sorry that I did it. I’ll probably do it again and again until it eventually does what I wanted it to do on that whim. Yes, I know, I suck. It’s the life of a clinically depressed pessimist. I smile and seem happy on the outside but inside I’m still curled up on the floor, sobbing. Hell, I cried the first day of class this semester. I cried after wards. Sean told me I cried when I got my IVs. Don’t worry about me. I’m still here.

April 7th, 2010 by Echos

Mental note

Depression, Family, I Hate People, Life, Married Life, Relationships Comments Off

Didn’t know I was a cheap slut for having sex with my husband. Thanks for the reminder, mother. I can really tell you’re showing off for one of your cheap friends.

March 30th, 2010 by Echos

Nerves of Steel

Drugs, Married Life, Relationships 4 Comments

I was talking to a friend today who reminded me that my husband is throwing his ex a birthday party for him in May. She complimented me on how calm I was about the whole thing. How I had nerves of steel. No honey, it’s not nerves of steel, it’s the coke, it’s the pills. Seriously, I’m crying inside.