Looks almost just like a bear that I bought and photographed 366 days ago! Oh wait. As per the words of the Godiva rep, there’s no date on the left foot of this year’s Halloween bear, and the bag is of mesh material instead of the silky orange with black embroidery that was on last year’s candy bag. That photo could have been taken today. Same computer. Same desk. Same small calendar. Same Halloween bear. Here’s hoping that Chloe doesn’t realise that until waaaaay after Halloween.

At least the Christmas bear does not disappoint:

There’s even a dark chocolate and peppermint candy attached to the sweater! Awesome-ness!

I did some work on the site. I deleted some of the plugins that I didn’t use or need, I optimised the database and tables, and guess what came back? My archive page! Like anyone cares. Most people come here for that little yellow bar, click it and leave until the next day they have to come back to earn them self another point from that site, to pile up to how ever many they need to advertise on other’s sites so that their PR will climb. I doubt that anyone really reads my content anymore. The only comments I get are spammers and “Link backers”. Nothing really worth keeping the site open as a blog anymore.

I’m wondering what to do with this place. Nothing exciting happens on here anymore, not even comments. I guess that’s a sign that my blogging days are over. I’m going to be thinking on this more. Till next time.

Last night, Chloe lost her first tooth. She was just as excited as I was about this, and I told her that the Tooth Fairy would be bringing her something awesome in exchange for her tooth. I wasn’t sure what to get her. She talks as though she wants her daddy to come home. That’s something that just can’t happen. I was saddened by her request, and fell asleep fitfully, and partially in tears. I woke up late this morning and had to rush around and get ready for work, and to drop her off at school. Getting home later than I thought, since I had to stay an extra hour at work to grade mid terms that were today, I didn’t have time to pick up anything for Chloe. She really laid on the guilt trip about how the Tooth Fairy was a huge disappointment. I almost regretted telling her about it, when we were pulling into the drive way, and there was a box on the front porch.

Inside the box was a professional digital camera for me and a $50 iTunes gift card. Dennis had sent us a care box! I handed Chloe the iTunes gift card and told her it was from the Tooth Fairy. She gave me a big hug, and hurried inside to start downloading things to her iPod. Nice save, dear.

The new camera I have is supposed to have an 18x zoom, 14 mega pixels, Super Macro, and an HD video recorder. In other words, pure awesome-ness. I finally have a high-definition video camera! I have wanted a professional camera for so long! However, in the words of my friend Josh, there’s always the after thought that the reason my photos and videos suck has nothing to do with the camera I shoot with. Much like why my graphics and HTML is awful, neither Photoshop nor Dreamweaver and ultimately Creative Suite, did not help me any there, a professional camera will not help my photography and video skills. I am just neither creative nor talented in any of the five aspects that the more successful people online are. I have played around with the camera a little bit, and I was able to take a perfect panoramic photo with it, and some good Super Macro shots, some extreme zoomed shots. The quality of the images are a little low. I like the quality of my CoolPix better, but maybe I just need to play around with this one a little more.

The shapes of the photos are not like the CoolPix. They are a little more wider. I have some samples that I am going to post at the end of the entry.

I decided to test it out on the dogs and the boys as they played today. I also tested the zoom on the machine at the end of our back yard. There are so few photos that are actually good enough for me to post online. I can’t wait to try out the video recorder!

After Chloe got her iTunes downloads and I had played with my camera a little, I went out shopping to buy some new clothes for work. I bought three new blouses: a long-sleeved green blouse, a short-sleeved blue blouse and a pink mole-skin blouse. I also picked up two new pairs of jeans, three sizes smaller than I remember needing. I picked up all of this at JC Penny, and spent nearly three hundred dollars, but I enjoyed the shopping trip. I also picked up Chloe’s Halloween and Christmas bears while I was at the mall. I think the new clothes look good on me. I have to wash them soon, before my mother ties up the washing machine again. I always like to wash my clothes before I wear them the first time. I think I am going to look really good when I go to work next week.

The weather was so nice out while I was shopping. It should stay this nice out all the time. My sinuses were clear, the air was a bit chilly, but not ice cold, and the skies were clear blue. Tonight the stars are out dancing in the black velvet sky. I am not really sleepy, but I am going to bed soon. I want to stay awake and try out different patterns with my new clothes and have Nick take photos of me in them! But then what could I do with the photos? It’s not like I can put them online, my harasser would steal them. Well, maybe I could put them on Facebook…

Okay, on with the pics so I can clean up tonight and get ready for bed. I bought a new Asian cherry blossom and ginseng shampoo and conditioner set at JC Penny while I was clothes shopping, and I’m really eager to try it out, even if my hair is just ultra-short and spiky. I need to sit down and bleach my hair again. When my hair is this short, it looks better bleached. I don’t know why. Red hair just doesn’t look good spiked on me. I’m thankful that it has stopped falling out..

Randomness: Can anyone else tell that I had a pain-free day and I am happy to be alive? Well I did and I am. There are so many days that I have gone through with either chronic, everlasting pain, and/or sickness that all I can do is get up, go to work, come home, and lounge in bed for a few hours, interacting with my family from the bed. It was getting worse and worse, and then I broke my toe, and then today I had a good day. A good day and some sunshine!

My bed with the new full-length pillow at the head:

Fully made bed:

My grandmary made me that quilt back in 2000, and she said her first LSD experience inspired the look. It certainly is trippy, and I know most people who see it really are wowed by it. I had some pillows and shams to match, but I cannot find them at the moment.

New shoes. The white ones are sneakers, which I will be rockin’ the 80s look when I go back to work next week. The pink are snow shoes, water-proof, by Timberland, for when the blizzard season comes this year:

My new case. I love it!

And now I am going to get some much needed and much deserved rest! After I dig around for a picture I lost, that is. I am going through some old discs looking for it. I hate these scavenger hunts. I really do.

Nope. In a few days, I will be heading for Texas for a medical procedure that I don’t really want to get into right now, because I don’t want to jinx it. I don’t want to think about it anymore than I absolutely have to. When I’m offline, I am faced with this problem left and right. It is thrown in my face by people who have told me that I shouldn’t go through with this, because it’s a waste of time and money, but it’s my time and money! Can’t I waste it if I want to? All that aside, I want to try to live a little longer, and Doc Mick says that if I go through with this, I will probably live much longer than if I did not. What gets me is that my brother is actually going along with this. Normally, he hates me, but not this time.

Monday starts spring break. I’m supposed to be getting ready for the procedure, but I am too excited about getting some quality time off, and the warmer weather, that I can’t really concentrate on medical procedures and dieting and specific bathing times or how frequently I brush my teeth. I know, I know, I’m not being good, but at least I can smile most of the time. When I’m not being told that basically saving my life is a waste of time and money that could be better spent on ungrateful family members.

In other news, I was reported at work for “drug abuse”. I laughed forever at that. Mostly at the hypocrite who reported me. So I’ve been advanced to a fentanyl patch system. So what? I’m given this extreme medication for two legit reasons, and neither reason is because I’m a drug addict or a junky. But I can’t seem to get that through the thick skulls of anyone. It’s spilling over to friends who are ex addicts themselves. Wha..? Spread the misery, right?

Now I leave you with some pictures of the last few days. Enjoy.

Foooooooood. I had my first Shamrock Shake, Chicago Dog and New York Dog:

And then spent a couple hundred at the Mac store:

I accomplished something I think was a huge step: I drove again for the first time. It’s been a little over a week, and by a little I mean down to just a few hours, since I’ve driven a car. It was Lance’s car. It was dusk when we piled in. I was a little scared, and he put on Wham! songs. I just can’t be depressed listening to Wake Me Up Before You Go Go. It’s not natural for me. We went to buy my husband something for his birthday. I’d taken Chloe along because she really wanted to buy her daddy something for his birthday. She’s been saving up pennies and money we’ve found in the streets, and she had all of $3.24. I felt a little sad at her for thinking she could get anything for her daddy with that little amount of money. Maybe a Starbucks small coffee? He’d sure like that, though!

I’m not going to tell what I bought my man, because it’s wrapped and I’ve been getting weird hits from a local IP, but I have a picture:

Cute, no?

At school, it was free t-shirt day. I got one for my dad. I’m going to take it over to him tomorrow. I got this little bear, too:

I named him “Danny Bear” after my (asshole!) doctor. But only because my doctor’s vanity plates read: “DannyBoi” in some variation. It makes me giggle and roll my eyes at the same time.

I’m sure that sooner or later the bad part of today is going to circulate somewhere. I shared with some of my close friends, but we all know how emails get passed around like …. prison currency, right? Especially if they contain something juicy. Which mine did. I will say that I am being emotionally tortured, and I can’t tell anyone that I normally can because they’re all busy with my husband’s birthday. Even his ex is in town, in our house right now, making him a birthday cake. My back was against the wall and I did something stupid. I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted some relief. I’m not sorry that I did it. I’ll probably do it again and again until it eventually does what I wanted it to do on that whim. Yes, I know, I suck. It’s the life of a clinically depressed pessimist. I smile and seem happy on the outside but inside I’m still curled up on the floor, sobbing. Hell, I cried the first day of class this semester. I cried after wards. Sean told me I cried when I got my IVs. Don’t worry about me. I’m still here.