Just incase this ever happens again, I have a couple of off server blogs, Recovering Beauty and Comatised, a tumblr, and several scene journals, gamine, stxr and Christina. What can I say? I love to write, I love to get feed back on my writing, and I always want that option there to write online if I need it. But I have been online for way over a decade, so I’ve gotten around some.

I am back on my Cymbalta. I don’t remember why I stopped taking it, but I did. I don’t know if I’m happy with being on it or not. I am also on another diabetic drug that I don’t know if I want to take. Low blood sugars scare me so much and I don’t know how many of them I can take. I was already put under ‘watch’ today, having to have a ‘baby sitter’ to go out and buy Valentine’s Day gifts and a little somethings for me. I picked up some illuminating foundation for my face that leaves a small shine of glitter after I put it on. It goes with the power foundation I bought last year. I now have the whole set! WooHoo! I picked up some Venom DooWop lip stain, and a tiny little tin of peppermint mints for Chloe. She wanted her own make up and lip stains, since I was getting some. I had to explain to her that like with her pierced ears, she has to wait to get to use make up. But then I ended up giving her a small make over in the hallway outside the candy store. Our skin tones are practically identical, and she acted as though she was a princes after the make over. I wish I would have thought to take pictures.

The last stop of the day was Walmart, so I could get more DVDs to record more movies for my mother. I picked up some candy for the family. Those large Carousel Lollipops. I gave the boys and Chloe each a Wild Cherry pop. I think the DVDs are going okay. I’m sleepy from my meds, so I haven’t checked on them. I should be napping. I have a lot to get done tomorrow.

Last night, Chloe lost her first tooth. She was just as excited as I was about this, and I told her that the Tooth Fairy would be bringing her something awesome in exchange for her tooth. I wasn’t sure what to get her. She talks as though she wants her daddy to come home. That’s something that just can’t happen. I was saddened by her request, and fell asleep fitfully, and partially in tears. I woke up late this morning and had to rush around and get ready for work, and to drop her off at school. Getting home later than I thought, since I had to stay an extra hour at work to grade mid terms that were today, I didn’t have time to pick up anything for Chloe. She really laid on the guilt trip about how the Tooth Fairy was a huge disappointment. I almost regretted telling her about it, when we were pulling into the drive way, and there was a box on the front porch.

Inside the box was a professional digital camera for me and a $50 iTunes gift card. Dennis had sent us a care box! I handed Chloe the iTunes gift card and told her it was from the Tooth Fairy. She gave me a big hug, and hurried inside to start downloading things to her iPod. Nice save, dear.

The new camera I have is supposed to have an 18x zoom, 14 mega pixels, Super Macro, and an HD video recorder. In other words, pure awesome-ness. I finally have a high-definition video camera! I have wanted a professional camera for so long! However, in the words of my friend Josh, there’s always the after thought that the reason my photos and videos suck has nothing to do with the camera I shoot with. Much like why my graphics and HTML is awful, neither Photoshop nor Dreamweaver and ultimately Creative Suite, did not help me any there, a professional camera will not help my photography and video skills. I am just neither creative nor talented in any of the five aspects that the more successful people online are. I have played around with the camera a little bit, and I was able to take a perfect panoramic photo with it, and some good Super Macro shots, some extreme zoomed shots. The quality of the images are a little low. I like the quality of my CoolPix better, but maybe I just need to play around with this one a little more.

The shapes of the photos are not like the CoolPix. They are a little more wider. I have some samples that I am going to post at the end of the entry.

I decided to test it out on the dogs and the boys as they played today. I also tested the zoom on the machine at the end of our back yard. There are so few photos that are actually good enough for me to post online. I can’t wait to try out the video recorder!

After Chloe got her iTunes downloads and I had played with my camera a little, I went out shopping to buy some new clothes for work. I bought three new blouses: a long-sleeved green blouse, a short-sleeved blue blouse and a pink mole-skin blouse. I also picked up two new pairs of jeans, three sizes smaller than I remember needing. I picked up all of this at JC Penny, and spent nearly three hundred dollars, but I enjoyed the shopping trip. I also picked up Chloe’s Halloween and Christmas bears while I was at the mall. I think the new clothes look good on me. I have to wash them soon, before my mother ties up the washing machine again. I always like to wash my clothes before I wear them the first time. I think I am going to look really good when I go to work next week.

The weather was so nice out while I was shopping. It should stay this nice out all the time. My sinuses were clear, the air was a bit chilly, but not ice cold, and the skies were clear blue. Tonight the stars are out dancing in the black velvet sky. I am not really sleepy, but I am going to bed soon. I want to stay awake and try out different patterns with my new clothes and have Nick take photos of me in them! But then what could I do with the photos? It’s not like I can put them online, my harasser would steal them. Well, maybe I could put them on Facebook…

Okay, on with the pics so I can clean up tonight and get ready for bed. I bought a new Asian cherry blossom and ginseng shampoo and conditioner set at JC Penny while I was clothes shopping, and I’m really eager to try it out, even if my hair is just ultra-short and spiky. I need to sit down and bleach my hair again. When my hair is this short, it looks better bleached. I don’t know why. Red hair just doesn’t look good spiked on me. I’m thankful that it has stopped falling out..

Randomness: Can anyone else tell that I had a pain-free day and I am happy to be alive? Well I did and I am. There are so many days that I have gone through with either chronic, everlasting pain, and/or sickness that all I can do is get up, go to work, come home, and lounge in bed for a few hours, interacting with my family from the bed. It was getting worse and worse, and then I broke my toe, and then today I had a good day. A good day and some sunshine!

I want to thank everyone who leaves personal support and love for me here. I appreciate it. As for those of you concerned about the personality stealer (which is all that I will refer to her as), I don’t care what she does. If she wants to claim that she and I have the same interests and likes, that’s fine with me. I know that she does not, and in doing so, she isn’t impressing me or anyone out there because I don’t like myself in the state that I am. I feel there is room for improvement and nothing that she says or does will make that any different. It scares me a little to think that she feels that she is a perfect person in mimicking me, and I feel bad for the next person that she pretends to be, but what can one say? I’m annoyed about it a little, and a bit amused, but that is all. Again, thanks for telling me. I appreciate it.

I haven’t been feeling well these past couple of days. I don’t know what it is. I am going to try to clean things up around here and see if I feel any better. I feel pretty bad tonight. Bad enough that I flushed my supper down the toilet rather than eat it. I wasn’t that hungry anyway, and spent a good part of the day trying to sleep. I still feel pretty bad. Back pain. Leg pain. Calf pain. Head aches. I was put on Coumadin a few days ago, and since then I have been a little dizzy. I am thinking of going off of it. I also want to get my act together and see a doctor, even if it is the asshole that I despise, because I need some of my old meds back. I need them to get my life back on track. Or maybe it’s the idea that my mother has been living with us for a year now with no signs of moving out or reconciling with dad? That has always made me feel exhausted because she harps on everything I do, and she can always do so much better than me. On top of that all, she hates Chloe. Yes, she hates her granddaughter for two reasons: One, the girl was born out of wedlock (as if my mother was even married before I was born, and even then, I belonged to another man) and two, I “baby” her too much by getting her a pristine education, won’t let her walk and run the streets at night, and on Halloween I (GASP!) won’t let her trick-or-treat at the registered sex offended (pedophile)’s house! What the hell kind of mom am I, not letting a child who hasn’t hit puberty get molested?!

Okay, I’m being sarcastic and witty. Time to publish my post, close my browser and get to bed!

I never thought I would be back here so … soon. That’s a little misunderstanding since I was here back in December, but James and I have not spoken much since January. I looked forward to seeing him again. The entire trip here, I got stuck next to my brother-in-law, who bragged about being back with his psycho ex. AKA: The woman who wanted to put his dying son in a nursing home because she was oh-so-scared that the kid was getting attention that she deserved. When Billy didn’t fall for that, the bitch wanted the kid killed. Or for the cancer to hurry up. Whatever was good for him. When Billy told me this as we were in the air, I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. For five years I had to put up with this woman and her lies about Don Henley, her lies about friends being murdered every day at concerts and how this was Billy’s fault and he should pay the damages, how she had abortions at age seven, how this and that had happened to her, and that we should take pity on her and send her money and expensive gifts. Yeah, that cow ran dry a long time ago, and I’m not in the mood to go back to being bothered by her anytime soon. I made small talk with Billy and answered his questions with as little effort as possible. When the plane landed, I hurried up to my friend James and asked if we could go somewhere, leaving Billy still on the plane for the time being. I grabbed the first suitcase and back pack that even resembled mine (luckily, I was the only one traveling with a black, silver-star-studded back pack and suitcase), and hurried James to his car. I’m sure the airport people wondered if I was hiding something. Nope. Just wanted to get away from someone, before things got worse.

I’m not sure how Billy can just take back his ex after all the trouble she caused this family. She is the reason Billy and his brother don’t talk anymore, after twenty-eight years of having a wonderful relationship. I told Billy a long time ago, if he got mixed up with her again, to forget me. I am not going to put up with her interference in my life again, and he had to make a decision: Me or her. It’s apparent that he has chosen her, so I am going to avoid him this entire trip.

I begged James to let me stay with him. I cannot be in the same hotel as Billy, knowing what he has been up to. I did ask how long this has been going on, and he said over a month. Ok. You know what? I give up. He can have her and her lies and her drama. I’m through with living like that anymore. I don’t want to expose my family to that. It’s bad enough what went on all that time ago. I won’t make that mistake again. He’s tried to reassure me that she has changed. Um, how many other times did she “change” only for the same thing to happen again and again? I’m still at that point where I don’t believe she has cancer, nor do I believe that because I wouldn’t spend copious amounts of money on her, that I cost her her job. I have gone through stacks and stacks of emails, many dating back to 2002, and I cannot see where I have ever promised her anything, other than friendship.

Not to mention that I am suspicious of her. Every time we talked, she wanted photos of me. Why? I’m not sure. It was suspicious because my stalker at the time swore he was going to get photos of me, even if he had to pay someone to do so. Which freaked me out, to say the least.

Enough of that.

Yesterday was a good day, incase you missed it on Twitter. Here’s a good list of five things that happened yesterday:
#5: ALL of my paperwork is caught up for work! WOOHOO!
#4: In 12 hours I will be in Manhattan! *winkwinknudgenudge* *heknowswhoiamtalkingabout*! (Actually, he’s drunk and passed out … for now!
#3: I fixed my SuperDrive, so I was able to burn my digital copy of 1986′s Trick or Treat to DVD to watch tonight! Been waiting to see that! (it was quite disappointing, although I needed the distraction on the plane to get my mind off of Billy and his bullshittery)
#2: I got a HDMI cable for the DVD burner AND hooked up the cable properly, so the DVR and the Wii can be connected at the same time! Yay!
#1: PIXIE.NU is BAAAAAAACK on the web! I own the domain name AND the hosting is on MY VERY OWN DREAMHOST ACCOUNT!!

Yes, I finally did it! I got a Dreamhost account! No more worries about hosting, because I’m hosting five domains on one account for just $8.95 per month or something like that. Also, there’s Green hosting, there’s virtually no limit to the space I use or the bandwidth I need, which is good because I get linked from high-traffic sites quite frequently, and I don’t have to limit my sites to simple blogs anymore! I out-grew the “domain as a blog only” scene years ago. I just never upgraded my hosting to reflect that. I haven’t transferred this site over there yet, but I will. I have a blog, a photo blog, a fan community, a family website and headquarters and I’m hosting a friend’s domain, all for less than $9 a month. If that isn’t a good deal, I don’t know what is! After Christmas, I’ll probably purchase the hosting for a few years, and go with that. *does a happy dance*

Here’s hoping tomorrow goes well for me. I am supposed to be one of about 150 people to get to go through this for survivors of 9/11, in the place of Dennis. I have no idea where he is, just on the road. I still have some work to go over, and them I’m going to get to bed. Long day tomorrow. Even longer day on Monday. I may not be able to go to work this week, that’s how long and hard things are going to be for me. (*giggles* I said “long” and “hard” and “for me”)

There is a Facebook page for this site now. Yes, I finally evolved and made a FB page for all the people who like this site and want to keep up with me on Facebook. You can also add me from there, I don’t mind, and I welcome new friends, always. Or add me on Twitter, Flickr, it’s all good.

I am really preparing for my first week of work, in the sense that I spent the better part of today drunk. I also found some Chameleon Chocolate herbs and had about 1/4 of the bag gone by noon. Damnit. I wanted to quit, really, but things were just going so great for me, and then I realised that reality is coming back on the horizon, and there went all my hard work. There’s always next week, right?

All that tinkering led me to putting up a new page, and get my archives working again. So be sure and read my new page and my archives, if you’ve got a few hours on your hands!

The summer is finally winding down. We had some severe weather last night that went on for almost an hour or so. My air conditioner system was frozen up (typical of triple degree temperatures!), so I sweltered in the hot, dark night, watching Saw 3D and writing a list of things to take to my doctor tomorrow. I also rummaged through some of my stuff looking for the loose ends that I needed to clean up before school starts this fall.

Tonight, Chloe wanted her hair washed and conditioned with the coconut shampoo and conditioner. She also wanted to use the Caress bath wash because she liked how it made momma smell after a bath. I told her she smelled like coconut flowers. That made her night and she skipped away in her pony-print pajamas, holding her pink bear. I am so good at this mommy stuff sometimes!

Little James is sick again. He’s not getting out of bed much and complaining about being “warm all over”. So it’s off to the doctor’s with him on Thursday afternoon. I’m afraid he has a bacterial infection somewhere. I’ve given him some Tylenol for the fever and the pain, but that was a few hours ago. He’s back complaining of the pain and warmth again. I’m making him some sweet lemon tea to settle his stomach for now.

Dennis is somewhat ignoring me. He won’t answer his phone, and he refuses to call me except at times when he knows that I can’t talk on the phone. It really bothers me that he is doing this. I almost have to ask if Trevor is back. It’s times like this when I ask God for help, but it has been so long since God has answered me that I sometimes wonder if God has turned His back on me. So many times I have asked for His help with my marriage, He has not answered me, nor has the situation improved any. I know that I am just impatient, but I don’t want to think that way anymore. I don’t want to think that God has turned his back on me. God doesn’t do these things. I am looking for Scripture that has something to do with marriage worries, but I cannot find any. If anyone wants to help point me to some Scriptures that have helped them with relationship worries, I’d appreciate it.

Yes, I know that Google.com exists, but I would feel better to get some live feedback from people that, I assume, have been reading about my situation for the last few years. Ever since our little PoRo died, our marriage hasn’t been the same. I sometimes wonder if the relationship was falling apart because she died, or was it falling apart all along and we just didn’t know about it?

In conclusion, thanks.

As for me, I just got Toast Titanium 11 and Popcorn 3 to play with for a little while. I don’t have any blank discs, but that’s ok. I can still check out both programs. I want to get Roxio’s Easy VHS to DVD and the little adapter for the computer to plug into a VCR, but I think we’re better off to get a new TV first, before I start trying to convert my old tapes. Still, I think I should get the software first. Oh, and I updated my wishlist, in case anyone is feeling generous out there. *bats eyelashes*

But I’ll try.

This isn’t a money thing. With the donations I’ve gotten from this site, and the fact that once Robert falls asleep after he comes and I have free range of his credit card and debit cards, it’s not that I can’t afford to renew the name or pay for hosting. I have enough money to keep this site registered and hosted for decades, granted the web scene doesn’t go belly up, and I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

It’s not that my hater(s)/harasser(s) have won. I’m not going anywhere, because simply put: Their harsh words towards me are just that: Words. They aren’t even true words, but they are words, nevertheless. They are words spoken to make those people feel better about themselves, and the only way they can do that is by putting people like me down, or exploiting their sick child. Which ever Twitter is easier for them to maintain at that given moment in their lives. One would think that after being labeled a paedophile, a whore, a thief, a liar, by one of the world’s most mentally ill people know to ever exist, that words from someone who has a sub-par education, limited vocabulary, and is a raging hypocrite, would be “intelligent” enough to know that they can’t even begin to penetrate my thick skin. I have accepted who I am, good or bad, and I’m happy with who I am. But they seem to have been absent on that day of class.

While both of the above would be reason enough for my site to go belly up, and would be my choice, they aren’t the cause. this is. Can’t see that itty, bitty warning because Flickr won’t give me free access after paying for it for FIVE STRAIGHT YEARS IN A ROW? It simply reads:
“Warning: Your server is running PHP version 5.1.6. WordPress 3.2 will require PHP version 5.2.4.

Once your host has upgraded your server you can re-activate the plugin to check again.”

And WordPress 3.2′s beta 1 was released last night. Yes, that’s it folks. My server is out of date and I’m such a lazy bitch (and I don’t want to deal with the hassles of getting a refund for this year’s hosting) that I’m not going to be changing hosts. I dunno if I’m going back to MovableType, or if this is a sign of the times that it’s time to retire from blogging. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing this so much I have an off-server blog and a super-secret journal that I keep just for shits and giggles. But my simplicity of not nagging my hosts to death to upgrade (let Wil-fucking-Wheaton do that…. oh wait, um, he’s already given up and moved his blog off the server!), and not looking for a new host (seriously?! I’ve been with these guys since 1999!!!), my blog’s days are limited.

But don’t despair! I’ll stay till the last dog dies! Just for your entertainment (and mine!). For now, here’s some (heavily photoshopped to make look vintage) photos for you to enjoy!