Four years ago, I woke up to a rainy day. Poro’s heavy breathing that I softly fell asleep to was no longer heard. I was hopeful that the breathing treatments had worked and we’d get another two, three weeks with her. I had hope that if there was a God, He would have mercy on me after taking away my nephew at the age of 19.
Walking to her bedroom, I felt the hallway was a little warmer than before. Opening the door I saw that PoRo was laying on her bed in her favourite periwinkle with white snowflakes and long sleeved dress. She was cradled in her father’s arms as he gently rocked her back and fourth. Her arm was draped over his shoulders, her fingers woven among his tee shirt neckline.
She had died in the night. Her tears had long ceased. Dennis told me he gave her double the dose of morphine, fentanyl and hydrocodone. The narcotics aren’t what killed her. He had given her the medicine after she vomited yellow bile.
I remember the police officer that came to the call told Dennis that he couldn’t help her any more. She was taken away in her favourite dress, her arm reached out, as if begging God to make her death painless and swift. . . For her loved ones. PoRo never really thought of others, but this time she did. That one final gift to others that we all make in the end when we know we’re goners. Her eyes were closed tightly, as if afraid of whatnot was coming next. What ten year old little girl wouldn’t?
We were expecting her to die, but still surprised when it happened. Can anyone really be prepared to watch their ten year old child die?
Just as Dennis was blowing out his birthday candles, Little One decided they wanted some of that cake, and here I am! Labour and delivery! Checking in via Dennis’s iPad. Been pushing for nearly two hours. If I go over three hours, they’re going to do a c-section. Either way, Little One will be here before midnight! We’re waiting on knowing the gender until after the birth.
We are hoping for a smooth delivery and a happy and healthy baby.
Here’s hoping all goes well!
rumor has it, the world is ending today. When exactly, I haven’t been told. did anyone get that memo?
I’ve been ill. It started on Saturday during a Christmas tree trimming party at Doc Dan’s. I remember going into the bathroom, and after that, not much more. I woke up in a single bed with machines surrounding me. So far there’s no set date from when I will be going home.
I have another thing to share, but it is special. The doctor keeps telling me that it is okay to share the information here, but I am still holding back for some reason. I promise that I will tell all that is going on after the holidays.
In case I am not out of the hospital by then,
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Happy Halloween everyone! I’ll have costumes and candy hauls pics tomorrow or so. I’m still playing around on my Kindle Fire and loving it! I think this will satisfy my iPad thirst for a while. Maybe forever!
My boys turned five years old today. You know what that means! Come January it will be time to enroll them in school and in April register them for Kindergarten. *sigh* next fall I will come home to a truly empty house and be absolutely alone for four hours before the boys get home from Kindergarten, and five hours till Chloe comes home. I am only looking forward to her being home because I can have good conversations with her.
Have a safe, sugar-filled Happy Halloween! Don’t forget that tomorrow is the Day of the Dead!
i got a kindle fire hd for my anniversary. the cake we had at lunch time was also wonderful. I’m still at work,so I have to pretend that I’m doing something worth while. *walks off whisling, hands in her pockets;
I dream of people being mean to me. I dream of my world suddenly changing and just before I wake up, I am alone. My family has abandoned me, or refuse to know who I am. Police officers pull me away from those that I love so much.
A friend of mine says that I talk in my sleep. She says I am pleading with someone. I only became aware of this, because just before I fell asleep this afternoon shortly after coming home from work, I found myself answering questions from my dream aloud. I was somewhere between consciousness and being fully asleep when I heard myself talking to people in my dreams, responding to them an the hazy environment they live in when we are not there to star in our own little production that no one else would see, very few would know about it, and we, ourselves, would forget most of it just before we would wake up.
My dreams have been very vivid the past six months. They are dreams focused on my family either being taken away or willingly leaving me, some times they don’t know who I am or see me at all.
I study dream books, text books and finally my own dream journal. Nothing makes sense other than my family is, in some way, taken away from me. It’s always the family I made for myself, never my parents or siblings. My friends are rarely targeted as well, no matter how much I love them.
I sometimes dream of the dead that have gone on before me. With everyone who has gone on before me, they are not angry at me. They seem happy. Most of them were sick in this world, but when they have gone above, they have no more suffering.
When I sleep tonight, I have to wonder what my dreams may bring me.
My site is down, so I’m adding this entry in hopes that it will be back up soon.