Somehow, I don’t think that’s what her teacher wants on the exam. *laughs*

I did something I don’t usually get to do often, except at Christmas and Halloween: I went candle shopping. This time of year, we tend to use candles to scent the house because they also give off heat, so it’s a pretty good way to deodorise the house and keep it warm without resorting to cranking the heat up. The place I love to shop at is Yankee Candle. I love their Christmas and Halloween candles. This year they have a new scent, All Hallow’s Eve, which is a swirl of their Midnight Jasmine and Evening Air. I had a card to buy one get one free, so I picked out that one and the WItches’ Brew, which I discovered as Purr-Chouli a couple of years ago through Matt. Matt got me into Yankee Candles. He gave me several Purr-Chouli sample candles as a present for taking him to a local curiosity shop to buy a new…well, I won’t air his laundry on my blog. He reads this!

The candles have wiggle pictures on the front. I was looking for some Candy Corn scented candles, and I brought my poor husband along to watch Chloe since we were coming home from picking her up from school. All was quiet in the candle shop, except for a softly playing song on the radio. Chloe was digging through some small candles on the floor. I had read a text from Matt telling me to go ahead and buy the All Hallow’s Eve candle, and I was sniffing it, when all of a sudden Dennis sneezed so loudly in there, it echoed off the walls! One of the employees was decorating a Thanksgiving/Fall display, and dropped her cardboard cut out, and I nearly dropped the candle in the glass jar I had! It was as if time stopped in there. Dennis gave a small grin, sniffed loudly, and said, “I think I’ll go wait in the car.” before hurrying out of the store. Chloe just looked at me, as if I was the one who had interrupted the world with that sneeze!

Rest in peace and eternal playfulness together, Seth and Baxter. If you’re curious about where they got their names, they were named after this character played by Joris Jarksy.

Today, I had my first bottle of whiskey-Jack Daniels-since November of 2005. I drank it straight. I even bought a small bottle of Coke, poured the Coke out and filled the bottle with whiskey. Then just drank it. Straight whiskey. It made my liver recoil in horror. At this point, I didn’t care. I was in almost the same place I was in when I started drinking before: Something awful had happened to me, and I needed something to compensate. Ease the pain. I hadn’t been raped, not today, but something inside of me just told me it was a bad idea to go get Chloe from school. I don’t know why that was.

My insurance has been pushed back another week. They have been showing their ass since my dentist wrote a statement that I needed nearly $10,000 worth of work done on my teeth; whether he can save them or not. My insurance company is waiting to see if I pay for all of this out of my own pockets. They keep pushing the date back further and further. None of my kids have medical insurance because of this. In the long run, I felt like a failure. I felt like I have failed myself and my children. The sad part is they all look up to me so much. I am their hero. I am the one they all want to be like when they grow up. A morphine addicted, raging alcoholic? That’s a good role model there!

While I was out, I wandered to a bowling alley. Which was interesting because I’d never saw it before. I crashed inside, watching the bowlers, taking huge swigs from my coke bottle, making trips to the bathroom to refill it. No one questioned me. Until a woman made a gutter ball, and I commented, “Good thing that landed in the gutter! It was so slow it was going backwards!” She spun around with a silly grin on her face and offered me a ball. “Can you do better?” she asked. “I could do better drunk!” I replied, finished the last of the Jack Daniels in the bottle (I had guzzled the entire bottle of whiskey in about five to ten minutes), took the ball from her, swung it at the lanes, and some how it skipped over a few lanes, pushed another ball out of the way, and made a strike. Five lanes away. “How’s that for a good bowler?” I asked. The woman and the other people on her team actually cheered for me! I finished the game with them, scoring three strikes (once I figured out what lane we were supposed to be playing in), and on the way home, I fell asleep. I woke up in my own bed, wearing some weird saddle shoes that weren’t mine.

My husband had the day off, and he was pissed that I did not bring Chloe home. It was about 7pm, and the school called and told him no one had been there to pick her up.We’re going to have to talk, so I ave to sign off. Yep, before 11pm.

See everyone in the morning

I worked hard to get where I am now, and I am happy with who I have become. Not just academically, but spiritually and emotionally. I like me. I like me very well.

There are many people who will take the easy road in life. Whether it’s with their academic life, or with their own life. They are not doing themselves any favours. It’s easier to send out negativity in the world. It’s not so easy to be the positive light in someone’s life. That is how I want to see myself. The ray of sunshine in someone’s bleak life. The positive that makes up for all the negative that comes their way. For me, this makes everything better. The world is a better place because I am a better person. It’s worked more for me than any pill, drink, ever could. Being a good person: It’s the ultimate high.

BTW, for those of you on my friends page on Facebook, Chloe is fine. Thank you for the concerns.

Oh, and I lost my journal, so I have no place to write my nonsense at. All apologies if my writing here seems to be all over the place.

Some problems have come up at home. Mainly involving an argument about child care for Chloe, between Dennis and I. See, he called my mother over yesterday to watch Chloe while he slept off his pain meds and I was at the store. My mother and I do not see eye to eye about how a child should be raised, and she did something that neither I nor medical science agrees with, and it ended when I banned her from our home. I demanded to know why Dennis let her around our kids. Dennis said she was the only one who would watch them. I said they would have been better off alone than in her care. They certainly would be safer.

But I choose not to reveal what she did, least someone wants to make my flesh world a little harder. There is no more danger to my kids, the house is clean, and we’re reaching for that happy ending.

Today, Chloe was able to go back to school. I was able to organise the bedroom, so the closet doors shut without the laundry basket in the way. Dennis is going to the studio after a while, and there’s really nothing for me to do but try to nap away the effects of the Roxanol.

Now, I was planning on washing laundry on Wednesday and going to the store Thursday night, but that kind of fell through, huh? So Dennis and I had no clean clothes to wear today. Except things that we normally don’t wear to the grocery store. Since our car is totaled, we had to take his father’s car. A Cadillac. Which wasn’t too bad, except I was wearing an extremely short skirt, a halter top, and Dennis was wearing an Italian pin-striped suit. Anyone else hearing porno flick music yet? No? Well, what about when my knee was hurting, so I asked to ride in the back seat?

*Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow*

Of course, we got pulled over coming home. The cops thought I was a prostitute and Dennis was my pimp! *laughs forever* Then the cop asked in a low voice, how much for a half and half with the red-head.

O-o

No worries: Copper didn’t get his three way. The good thing that came out of today was that Dennis and I took pictures of ourselves as “pimp & ho”. They’re on Facebook, if you’re curious.

The pictures I feel I take the best are the ones of nature. Still photos.

Naturally, my monkeys never sit still long enough for anyone to take a good photograph of any of them. At least once per year I splurge on a new digital camera. I pay about $500 for a new camera every year, and to me it’s worth it. The one thing I love more than taking photos is taking better quality photos. Let the prints show what I saw through the lens.

At dusk today, I photographed the sun. Perfect theme for August, right? Of all thirty photos taken, less than half came out right, and out of that, only four are good enough to post here. The rest are here.

The photos are raw, unphotoshopped, and I do not have any fancy lenses or features on my Nikon.

Another reason I don’t prefer to photograph people over nature/still photography is because I always manage to capture people in their most awkward moments. As evident below.

Maybe I could get a job as a professional blackmailer? *grins*

Yep, I know that’s going to end up on my harasser/content thief’s website with some kind of snarky horseshit. I really do not care what she steals from me anymore. Anyone who only gets 300 hits per month is a nobody on the web, and if she thinks that by stealing my photos and making comments that my kids, husband and family dog are ugly, that I am going to give her hits, she’s wrong. So please, don’t comment about that anymore. I no longer care. Besides, I’m sure her n00dz are a million times better than photos of my ugly face, kids, husband, dog, and life. Just ask her!

I told him to have one of his band-mates take him; I had to finish the laundry and get things ready for tomorrow morning.

Oh what a hateful thing to say! This was an emergency! I’m such a bitch! How could I say something like that?! I bet Darren wouldn’t say things like that…

Fine. Go be with Darren. I’m sick of saying “how high?” when I’m ordered to jump. I put my entire day on hold Friday, and I’m way behind now, so I’ll be damned if I’m going to keep putting my life on hold because Dennis wants attention now. I thought about telling him if he wanted attention so badly, he could wash the laundry or make the bed. I wouldn’t protest that too badly. Ha ha! Or maybe he could clean the bathroom up? That would certainly catch my attention. Being an ex-chronic drug over-doser, I know why and how people do it. The number one reason is attention, especially when they’ve experimented enough with the drug so they know how much to take to make them sick, because they’re such awful actors without the drugs, without killing them.

Besides, Litican isn’t that toxic in less than a gram, even if we had toxic levels of it here, it’s not as if people are dropping like flies over it.