I didn’t eat today. It wasn’t intentional, it just happened. I got through the entire day, setting up things for my mom, buying her things because she intimidates me like that, and throwing away the ill-fitting, faded, worn out sheets that I have slept on nearly half my life, without eating anything solid. I drank several bottles of water, though. Making the bed shouldn’t have me reaching for my inhaler. It’s just too hard to keep those old sheets on the mattress, and it had nothing to do with the type of mattress we have, either. I’m sure they wouldn’t stay on if we had a regular box spring mattress. It’s always liberating to get rid of some of this clutter. Life shouldn’t be hard when it doesn’t have to, and making the bed shouldn’t be hard for anyone, even if that person sleeps on top of a few hundred gallons of thickened water.
I was able to go back to work yesterday. I will be going tomorrow. It seems as though my boss is the only one who is clued in on me being sick. I was denied insurance because of my cancer status. I wanted to quit after that, but I need my check to pay for my treatments. Dennis assured me that his going on the road in a few weeks has nothing to do with my health status or the financial aspects of it, and he really wants to just promote his new album. Sure. I believe that. I think it’s more that he doesn’t want to watch what is going to become of me. While I still have my hair and nails (yes, my fingernails tend to fall out during chemotherapy), it’s only the first treatment, and I will soon be hairless and full of holes, which I think he doesn’t want to see. The last time he was on the road, our nephew had just gotten the “3-6 months to live” prognosis. Our daughter had gotten the “we can’t do anything for you” prognosis. I truly believe he didn’t want to watch his family members get sick, degenerate and die. It’s not a pleasant thing, but after everything is all said and done, I know I couldn’t live with myself if I had just turned away from them when they were at their sickest.
For some reason, my co-workers did not call me today. I don’t understand why. Any other day, they would be calling every few minutes. How does this work? What is this chemical? Can you tell me where [this or that] is? Today my phone was silent. I embraced the quietness. Even if it was just for a few seconds.
Tomorrow night is Harvest Moon or the first full moon of the fall season. It’s a time of gathering, and a time of sharing the harvest with others. I am going this year. I just learned of it tonight, but I want to go anyway. It has been an important part of my life for the past ten years, and I want to continue to keep it that way. The moon is always so brilliant at the gathering, even its reflection off the lake is brilliant. I won’t be able to take photos, because cameras are not permitted, but I will fully update on what goes on when I get home.