I ate too much tonight.

We had a huge birthday party for my brother-in-law. Of course dealing with the in laws meant that I had to deal with the man that I dislike. Dislike. That’s a strong word. So is despise, hate, and detest, but those are words that accurately describe how I feel towards my husband’s older brother. The man follows me around like a horny puppy, expecting me to sleep with him and leave my husband and run off with him because he has money. Money doesn’t turn me on. Sure, it’s nice to have money and you can’t live without it, but my husband’s older brother has treated me fairly badly the past eight years of my life. He has mercilessly made fun of me. He let his insane girlfriend lie about me and torment me. He let her set me up to get photos of me to distribute on the internet without my permission. Most of what I dislike about him was things he allowed his girlfriend to do to me. Of course, he can’t control what she does, or what she did, but he had the choice to continue to communicate with her or cut her out of his life. He had the choice to not give her photos of me, especially digital photos that were easily distributed on the internet. He had many choices that he chose to make. Choices that he had to have known, that at the time, he was making a bad choice.

That’s just the stuff he did to me. Don’t even get me started on how badly he treated his son or how awful he was to his family members in the name of protecting and satisfying her.

Tonight he was different. He seems like a different person because he is no longer associating with his girlfriend. Now that she is no longer part of his life, it’s as if he’s tolerable. I still don’t trust him, but time will tell. I doubt that I will ever have the same relationship with him that I had a decade ago. I once thought that we could repair our relationship, but no. It’s changed forever, not for better.

But tonight I ate too much. I feel bloated. I feel as though all the weight I lost over the past couple of months was gained back in just one night of binging. There was Irish Coffee, chocolate cake, a baked chicken. I think I was the only one who drank any liquor tonight. I had four cups. I was stumbling as I walked out of the restaurant and to the car. Yes, I found my car and made it home just fine thanks. I some how managed to drive myself and my husband home, in thick traffic. It was warm tonight with a crescent moon and a single, lonely star in the sky. I think overall, my brother in law had a good birthday. I don’t know if he liked my gift because I left before he opened it. I just couldn’t stand his brother hitting on me, silently, all night long. That’s why I drank so much. It eased what I was going through. Maybe someday it won’t have to be this way.